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Why SOULS come DOWN from heaven | (MAYIM RABIM Class 3)

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SoulWords—Rabbi Shais Taub avatar
SoulWords—Rabbi Shais Taub

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okay welcome back continuing our weekly study of a mimer which mimer we're learning M MIM M Robin means many Waters many Waters okay and we explained that going back to the AL theim the many Waters were interpreted as the tiosa means the mental preoccupation the anxiety connected to making a living okay so the verse says and the verse is originally from what book where where is it from in scripture shasham very good song of songs by Solomon it says that the many Waters cannot extinguish the love okay I I understand now what the many waters are what is the love which love oh that's a little high Advanced answer okay let's start basic who's love for whom our love for Hashem our love for Hashem and the M the worries about making a living aren't going to extinguish that even though you might think that they would okay now as we explain why don't the waters extinguish the love because go Ahad now you can say your thing we have that intrinsic love intrinsic love innate love very good so even though the waters are coming inundating and they're going to wash away the love and the love is like fire so you would think the water would wash away extinguish that's the word in English extinguish very good you would think it would extinguish the fire but it doesn't and then remember last week we gave a couple of metaphors the Kohl's was the first one very good I feel so good it feels like we actually learned something yes okay so why is the coal a metaphor for intrinsic or innate love because it's dormant and then when you fan it great very good but it really is right it looks like it's not there there you could it's I mean sometimes there's flame coming out of the coal but sometimes it you can't tell that it's hot that's why you be careful don't just grab those coals um yeah and then you fan it and then you see oh it's there's fire in there okay um somebody left a a nasty comment on YouTube saying you know you understand nothing about thermodynamics so I yeah he got really mad he was like indignant about it so I'm not saying that there's an actual flame inside the coal I actually don't know how flame works all I'm saying is if I take this coffee mug and I start Fanning it uh flame isn't going to LEAP out of it but if I take a coal that might not look like it's on fire and I start Fanning it all of a sudden flame comes out I'm not saying the flame was there maybe even that's more point of the metaphor the flame wasn't there and yet just by Fanning it all of a sudden a flame comes out so don't tell me I I know nothing about thermodynamics I know very little about thermodynamics and what was the other metaphor Flint what's the Flint metaphor strike it you have to strike the Flint stone and then the spark comes out right and why was that like a whole other level of dormancy first of all have to do an action you have to do more of an action right but here's the thing the more dormant it is the more intrinsic it also is the coal if you take the coal and you put it in a bucket of water and you pull it out you're not going to be able to get it to you're not going to get the flame out of it anymore you take a Flintstone and you put it in a bucket of water or for that matter you submerge it at the bottom of the ocean for a year for a hundred years and you pull it out and you strike it with steel and a spark will pop out so the more dormant it is also the more deeply rooted it is and both of those are metaphors for the love the intrinsic love that our soul has for Hashem that even under conditions that would make it appear outwardly that we've lost that connection it's always there and it just needs something to trigger it or to activate it it's always there okay and just so you don't forget we spoke a little bit last week about tuu and tikun remember that part let's do that part quickly we said you might think in fact it would be very logical on a cabalistic level to think that the the Abundant Waters would extinguish the love because the waters are from what source from to yeah from to which is a higher level of creation that was unsustainable and it shattered the shattering of the vessels right and the soul is only from tikon which is the normal order of creation um and then we said but surprise the soul actually is from higher from the ultimate source from the ultimate source which is part of yeah it is the essence the essence of the infinite yeah very good okay and because of its higher source its highest Source its ultimate source um even the waters that come from T cannot put it out okay that's what we did last week all right now we are on chapter four very good first week we did chapters one and two last week we did we did chapter three now we're on chapter four chap I think six it's not a long mimer should we check real quick how many chapters total it's a short mimer shortish um six six chapters yeah okay all right so chapter 4 I lost my place here I got it again V [Music] behold not only does the water not put out the Soul's love of God but rather even more meaning an even more novel Point emerges that actually through these Waters it creates Greater Love now that's a novel idea it was it was already a novel idea when we said by the way the waters will not extinguish the love because the love is inherent it's built in it can't be put out now we're saying even more we're saying you want to know something these Waters meaning these distractions these money problems that stress us out and you would think it's taking us away from being able to relax and focus on spirituality it actually it's not a bug it's a feature it's going to help us to focus more on our relationship with Hashem how is that that's crazy how's that possible okay and this is the soul coming down into the physical world and being in vested within the many Waters you understand what we're describing the soul existed before embodiment in fact the soul existed before the physical world existed now this Soul which had its spiritual existence is ripped away from that and it's plunged into embodiment and he calls it invested within because it's like stuck in it and now not only is it stuck in a body but it's stuck in these situations these situations of monetary difficulties so we're describing now the mechanics of what actually occurs to the soul when when it's plunged into this situation through this it ends up reaching a level higher than the level it was at before it descended now I want to ask you a question you don't have to answer so precise so it's not it's not don't be intimidated before the soul came to embodiment what kind of a level was it at give me just a simple answer the highest okay I don't know if it's the high that's a that's a categorical statement when you say the highest and then I'm scared to answer but just give me a simple answer lofty lofty okay yeah I would agree with that certainly loftier than the physical plane um some type of a heaven right some type of a spiritual World um so the soul was doing pretty well I mean that's its natural habitat after all so you know that Soul's natural habitat is spiritual worlds so the Soul's hanging out at this lofty world and then it gets yanked down and plunged into a body trapped in a body so that's called the Ura that's called The Descent and yet what we're saying is through this descent the soul actually ends up at a higher level than it started at but it started at a high level following yes okay and he says in Brackets that is actually the ultimate purpose of the aforementioned flood waters pause everything was created and created with a purpose the flood waters were created for a purpose it's not incidental to the flood waters that they precipitate this phenomenon of actually activating a deeper more passionate love of Hashem it is actually the entire purpose for which they were created if they weren't creating that they wouldn't even exist because that's all they exist for I think that's an important thing to think about that the money problems it's not like oh they happen to end up triggering a deeper love of hem no it's not it happens to be it's not incidental it's not secondary this is the entire purpose that's why Hashem made it toer a deep love of hasem yes is that syn with at a higher level and that is synonymous with the Nish being at a higher level exactly correct so let's let's spell it out when we say the Nisha will end up at a higher level than how it started One symptom of that I don't want to say it's one for one exactly the same concept but One symptom or one expression of that will be whatever love the soul had of God in heaven when the soul comes down into a body and experiences body problems it's going to end up with an even higher level of love than it started wither yes Soul so you you want to know the rank like if it's started off at World such and such then when it finishes his embodiment will it go to world such and such is that what we're saying yeah it is but I don't even think that that should be the focus yes it is yes it is categorizing love as a measure of I like how you're saying it love is are metric um for I mean after all you talk about a soul what's a soul like 5'11 brown hair brown eyes like description on a driver's license that's a soul how would you describe the attributes of a soul love of God a of God I mean those are the attributes of a soul so if I say a soul has improved I'd be describing that its love of God has improved its awe of God has improved that's what that's what it means for a soul to grow for a soul to develop means those attributes have developed that's that's what a Soul's All About Love of God and allw of God so if I say the soul is now on a higher level I don't mean like he's able to bench press more weight I mean that he's he accumulated Mitzvah he accumulated Mitzvah okay and that would be the effect that the Soul's having on the world the Mitzvah have a refining effect on the world now we're talking about the refining effect that the embodiment experience has on the soul there's two things the soul comes to a body for the sake of an improvement to the world make the world a better place but also an improvement upon its on its own previous station does improving Soul as well meaning the soul what the effect that on the world um the Mitzvah really are physical actions and as we've spoken about in other classes especially in Tanya the effect or the impact of the Mitzvah is the refinement that it has on the physical plane the soul is not a physical entity get refined from our life experience after we go back well life experience yes that but that's precisely what we're saying is that when a soul loves God based on everything that it knows in heaven that's one thing but when a soul loves God after having had the embodiment experience that's a whole new depth of love that's what we're saying what is that depth how does that translate that then translate into more service of God or is that a separate thing well how would it translate you mean how do you cach it in absolutely while you're still embodied when you bring out more of your Soul's love of God you're translate that into doing more Mitzvah and doing them with greater motivation and greater passion could only happen could it only happen through M rabim I think there may be other ways also that it could happen but this is a big way that it does happen a big way that we experience spiritual growth is through material problems um that that came of seemingly Direction okay yeah yeah it's a great question like the whole need to have to make a living seemingly is dysfunctional because I mean we know explicitly it was I I won't even say part of the curse that for for Al them at least that was the curse that he's going to have to uh toil for a living um that's true but all right let me let me say this very very succinctly all of the the the the sin of the eating of the tree of knowledge um was like the first debacle in human history uh there were others and the others that were even on par with that such as the golden calf um or the destruction of the temple and the sins that led up to the destruction of the temple so there were a lot of times where there's human failure that led to uh um a watershed crisis in human history the way we view all of that is the same as how we view the crisis of the Soul coming down into a physical body meaning if you look at it as a snapshot it's it's tragic like literally tragic tragedy is when this noble character has a fall so when you have greatness falling that's tragic but if you look at it as a process where the fall is actually to build momentum for the rebound then it's not a bug it's a feature so yeah the way it came about that we even have to make a parosa is seemingly from a negative occurrence but even that was all part of the process okay and by the way if you really want to trace this all back to the original problem those of you are in Monday Tanya will know that the original problem the original concealment the original condition of godliness being hidden was what even higher remember we spoke about the Tsum Harish the initial concealment so it really the new vessels are the initial timum when the infinite created the possibility for a place of finitude that was the first problem so to speak because godliness was being concealed and then it sort of repeated itself this pattern of different concealments but when we understand the whole process of history as a linear narrative with an end goal then we understand that each of these crises were actually sewing the seeds for for something greater yeah this week okay so the soul coming into the physical world yeah you're calling it a yes the but saying that it reaches the higher level but doesn't it only reach that higher level after it goes through by by virtue of any work that it's doing here so your question is we're saying the soul comes down into Ura and then we're saying that through the Ura it has an Aliyah but isn't I your main question is is that automatic or is it if it will use the opportunity then it will have yeah an Aaliyah so um it's it's it's high risk it's very high risk it could even go the other way God forbid embodiment is a very high-risk investment you're taking a precious Soul a perfect Soul a pristine Soul you're putting it in a very dangerous situation very dangerous we know that not everybody will do well with their embodiment hence reincarnation you get a chance for a redo and yet even with the risk Hashem says we have to go for it because this is the only way to achieve the ultimate purpose of the Soul okay but I want to continue I want to finish here okay so we're in the middle of the brackets the whole purpose of the MIM was to evoke the response that it does where we have to strengthen our ourselves and end up being more spiritually focused than we were before it's a challenge to bring on greater Focus yeah last week yeah that's right the whole from the going down and it's really coming up yeah that by the way that's probably one of the most common themes in the you read I have a question yeah yeah yeah you just mentioned that the comes down and then you know the risk involv to come into the body and then some people do and some people don't yeah I heard something said to me foresight is hindsight is yeah that a person has yeah foresight before the situation is there yeah hindsight that's what it was meant to be how does that align with the end result of the choices that a person makes in this embodiment of Nish yeah when whether choosing or not choosing to um create the so I'm assuming you're not asking on a philosophical level because then that would derail the entire class and we'd have to spend the rest of the entire time trying to explain a paradox that is ultimately incomprehensible to a finite mind I'm assuming you're asking on a practical level yes okay on a practical level you got to do your best you got to say every challenge I don't know the outcome I don't know I don't know if I fail or if I succeed but I got to assume that I'm supposed to succeed and you got to try your best and that's it and then success is measured how that it's that's what was meant you mean after the fact yes if you learn from it it's successful if you learn from it it's successful like honestly I'm not I'm not trying to be glib I mean if if growth is not always clearly linear so in the embodiment experience there is a lot of stumbling and getting back up again um not that you should do that intentionally in fact you're not allowed to purposely sin in order to do Chua it won't work out for you but uh yeah it's uh it's I don't think anybody intentionally wants to hurt themselves in their lives no normal person you're right yeah correct yes yes you're correct no healthy normal person wants to mess up their life in order to have a comeback story nobody's yeah nobody's trying to do that okay notmal normal okay all right well I think the way ways in which we're abnormal even um it it doesn't preclude this survival Instinct of not trying to purposely mess up your own life yeah hopefully okay safe safe that's why ultimately the the cannot put out the love why can't they put out the love ultimately because they weren't created to put out the love it looks like they were created to that I'm looking at these Raging Waters looks like they were created to put out fire meaning I'm looking at these Financial worries it looks like they are pretty good they're pretty well designed for distracting you from spirituality and we're saying no well that's what they look like they're good at doing but they're actually good at doing the exact opposite they're good at evoking a higher level of love of God because the ultimate purpose of these Waters is to activate a higher level of love it's a very important point is that this which you view as a threat you could generalize this to many challenges in life something that you see as scary as a threat as wow look at this bad thing that's going to cause bad things to happen to me and really God created that not just that oh don't worry it's a bad thing but it won't hurt you no actually it's a bad-looking thing that's going to help you and all of you are thinking um I want to think of a particular example on my life and ask the rabbi in front of everybody if his general statement applies to my specific case but you don't have to do that because the answer already is yes guys are on the ball okay let's continue but Rabbi even yes yes well how good are we at perceiving our how good are we are perceiving it our soul of Love well that's why we're learning to help us perceive do we know where our soul is going that's that's why we're learning is to hopefully get us more in tune with this stuff I'm scared I'm having this stress and I'm gonna not love yeah all the time I mean this is this is a common this is a common complaint a lot of times told him to learn the one that RAB if I can plug that yeah sure you can plug my talking sh when I was going through a lot of challenges of business my father's St or whatever I learned that three times in a row back to back at 1.5 speed and I really helped me shift mentally yeah definitely okay all right so we're gonna learn in order to get us to learn sh and then we'll just be learning all day which would be great then we'll become rich have challenges and how will we have that's amazing yeah you know you remind me of for learn so much that we learned and then we'll be on a high all day we'll have so much trust in God well we won't have monetary problems or won't perceive it as such and then how will we have more love of Hashem you know what you remind me of in Helm they said that everyone was worried about making a living and it was just too distracting so they hired a guy to be the town Warrior that was his job he should worry about making a living and uh so they paid this guy that was his job to worry and uh finally they said uh we got to fire him and they said why he said well he's got this steady job worrying keeps him from worrying so we got to fire the guy okay Dan He worried okay now through the soul coming down into a body what does it EV eventually do it does what we call Cha we do cha returning or reinstatement it is known that before the souls come down to embodiment they are allim now those who learned Tanya with me you know about sadik R and you know in sadik alone you have tadik which is soad is like the highest level perfect perfect perfect but let me ask you a question souls in heaven before their embodiment they don't have a body they don't have an animal soul aren't they all sikim Gam up there sure yes so think about it like this you have an entity which is perfectly righteous and as you've learned in Tanya perfectly righteous means not just it does only good it only desires good it has no desire for anything but being one with Hashem that's your soul that's how you used to be you didn't want anything but Oneness with God that's all you cared about for eternity and you were comfortable more than comfortable it was Blissful it was beautiful and then one day that entity gets a tap on the shoulder says put on the parachute jumping you're going to go to an embodiment experience and you're going to lose all of this incredible um situs your your your pure pristine love and awe not so much you're going to lose it that's not accurate but it's going to be covered up to a point point where effectively it may at times feel like it's gone and you're going to you're you're going to look for it and you're not going to know where to find it it's there but effectively you're going to lose access to it because you're getting bombarded with the with the embodiment experience okay so we started off Asik as perfect perfect righteous people but you know something the promotion that we get by coming down into a body is we become Bal we started off Asik perfect righteous people interesting through the embodiment experience we get elevated to a higher level called balicha penitence true penitence is that why it says exactly in the place where true penitence stands even the fully rightous just cannot stand precisely precisely so somebody who has been tested somebody who has been challenged and overcame that challenge is on a higher level the person who was never challenged is overc challenge how do you define overcoming a challenge I don't think that there's one definition of overcoming a challenge in fact I think that we continue to overcome challenges on higher and higher levels so I don't know if there's one definition but um simple definition is that whatever the situation is you don't let it stop you or slow you down from doing what you're supposed to do that's what it means okay so through the embodiment experience we go from Tad to Bal which is an upgrade an upgrade the soul up there can't do cha there's really no there's no resistance to overcome in order to become a BAL cha so it has to come down here for an embodiment experience to become a b okay in the place where true penitents stand that perfectly righteous do not stand there and even more than that they're not able to stand there there's two different versions of this there's the language that the gamar uses and there's the language that the ram uses so one version is that they don't stand there it's just a descriptive statement they don't stand there the other is no no they can't stand there meaning it's not possible for them it's not within their ability they can't do itad G looks at the place the spiritual level of ACH and says I would like to go there he can't get there you can't get there without going through what you got to go through so even the Tad who has this perfect love and awe of Hashem cannot be at that level of closeness that's what we're talking about we're talking about high levels we're talking about levels of closeness that level of intensity of connection of feeling for hasem even the perfect sadic can't get to the that level that the person who lost it or felt that they lost it and got it back is able to come to this is indeed the purpose for which the soul came down to the world why did why did it come down here to have a corn beef sandwich because there were no cornbeef sandwiches in heaven so I had to come to the physical world for that experience guys might agree with you you say it depends on the sandwich let me taste the sandwich first you know the Henny Youngman joke says this bum came up to me on the street said how about a dollar for a sandwich I said I don't know let me see the sandwich yeah but not everyone does like not everyone accomplishes it not everyone accomplishes it on the first try yeah that's true come down and yeah we squander the opportunity we spoke about that it's a high-risk investment we spoke about that but you say they squander it but we squander it okay so but either has us the capacity to manage it and to try to achieve that elevation yeah or you turn to drugs and alcohol like that's like I don't get where doing God took us aren't we it right now we're learning we're growing that took us from a situation that was a perfect situation there was no Challenge and there was no risk and therefore no growth there was up in heaven I'm talking about the soul in heaven there was nothing that was going to disturb us and make us lose our Lov and of God but there was nothing there that was going to particularly Inspire any growth we were static and Hashem said you know what let's risk it you got to risk to make uh to make uh to make money make money you got to you got to invest it so let's let's take a risk and the higher risk the higher reward what's the risk does the soul have a the risk is that it'll become embodied and it'll actually take seriously all the embodiment stuff and get scared of it and and succumb to it and forget about God and and waste its embodiment running running after physical things and being intimidated by physical things but when it goes back up when it goes back up it'll probably get sent back down to try it again try the embodiment thing again till you get it right who's making that choice Soul making that choice the embodiment of the that's a crazy question which will be answered in this mimer it is absurd that you even asked that why is it absurd to me because it was surprising to me that that subject even comes up in this mimer so the fact that you're asking it means that you're attuned to what's happening so that question will be answered at the very end of this mimer that's that's crazy that you okay yes okay put it on the back shelf it'll be answered at the end of the mimer okay so this is the purpose where we came down because chva and then he says parenthetically and by the way to dispel a common misconception chuva does not have to involve evaders CH no it doesn't it cha means returning to God now obviously if somebody God forbid transgresses it goes against God's will that which we call a sin or an AA then that person will have to do tshua but you don't have to sin in order to be poised for doing T shua you don't have to go that far away in order to return in other words what he's saying here is you could never do a sin your whole life and still be poised for needing to get closer so he says the soul came to the body in order to do cha because here's the deal you don't have to sin in order to do CH you could return from something that's not dysfunctional but just could be better and you're returning to your your intrinsic Perfection but okay you don't have to sin in order to need to do cha but you need to be not in your normal place what he calls your the Soul's true place the Soul's true place like we we learn we learned in the previous chapter is is the the infinite essence or the essence of the infinite so any type of Separation that the soul has from that is a cause for chva so follow this embodiment itself even if you never sin is a situation that is a cause for cha you need to do chva I need to do chva what did I do what did I do wrong I didn't say you did anything wrong you were embodied you were sent far away now you need to return to your true home and your true Essence that's called Chua but the soul if it would remain in heaven and not be embodied then it can't do cha because it it's just remaining in its place yeah it sounds from superficially like a Christian concept sounds like a Christian concept how much do you know about Christianity just superficially that well they what what the Christians say you know they got a lot of their stuff from usn in and they have to return and I don't know I think this is actually if you talking about original sin this is actually the opposite we're saying that your original state your default state is godliness we're saying something occurred that took you away from that and that when you go back to go godliness that's precisely what it is you're going back to it so not that you come from sin and you're trying to get away from sin you come from perfect godliness that was threatened or disrupted and you're trying to reinstate your your original Godly connection so it's actually pretty much the opposite of the Christian doctrine of original sin but what do I know about Christianity very little if a had status when before it came yeah and it comes through a body yeah and it doesn't use its potential mhm it's return regardless of of you know just the mere fact that it went through the Ura it already changes its status okay so without getting into a whole side conversation it may be argued that even a soul an embodied soul that you might think failed its embodiment Mission you'll look at it and say well what did he accomplish what did she accomplish how religious was he or she and it is possible like what do we know we know nothing that just by having an embodiment experience and going through the trials and tribulations of that there was a success right some degree of success success is not binary it's not either you succeeded or failed there could be a person you look at and say well how much did they really achieve well how much they achieve they survived embodiment that's M rather yeah so that's my point is by the way M Robin starts with just the embodiment this is what he's saying right like you don't ever have to bounce a check insufficient funds to have M Robin just the fact you're in a body and you have to think about physical needs is M Robin yeah for sure the mere fact that the soul is in an embodiment yes is a challenge and therefore it's a setup steps ahead for yeah for for growth correct where does theil goal of reincarnation com if if you don't achieve what you need to achieve but again it's not binary it's not like you either achieved or you didn't achieve there's there's degrees of achievement so yeah seem like the odds are stacked against us yes in yeah well that's the whole point yeah this is high risk also oh yeah yeah yeah yeah you have a body you have an animal Soul you have a it's auta you have a very interesting distracting world yeah and then you have people who are harassing you and yeah there's it's it's it's very well engineered it's a very wellth thought out obstacle course and how come it seems harder for some Souls than others the embod that's a great mystery why is embodiment harder you're what what I think you're talking about is sensitive Souls who are traumatized just by embodiment yeah I I mean I've spent a lot of time thinking about this subject and talking about it and processing it both publicly and privately I don't fully understand it but I do know that there are people for whom embodiment itself is traumatic um that just being in a physical container is a tsunami why different people have degrees of challenges that I can't answer you we know that it's true and also we know that Hashem picks those challenges and does so judiciously and each Soul gets just the right amount of Challenge and the right kind of challenge that it needs for its growth back there yeah yes yeah the greater the challenge the greater the achievement okay let's let's let's continue here sha that then after you go away from your Source then you have to go back to your source and like we said last week that verse the soul goes back to God who gave it gave it means put it in a body goes back means post embodiment returning to its source and since the level of the penitent is higher than than the level of the perfect person meaning the person who goes back is greater or goes to a greater level than the one who never left and the says here in Brackets in fact it's categorically greater you know what categorically greater means it's a different ballpark it's not like oh how many times greater is a Bala than aad doesn't work that way because if it's 10 times greater 100 times greater million times greater then it's still there's a there's a there's a a comparison but what we're saying is it's a different track like it's not like how many times you have to magnify the status of aad until you equal the status of aala it doesn't work like that it's a different track it's a different track it's a different experience with a completely different result so it's when when you go from tadak G which you were originally before your embodiment and you become a Bala which you become from your embodiment it's not you become 10 times greater a million times greater you become a whole different type of greatness yeah right okay so the difference between them is that's indeed why we say that the place of the Bal Chua that g cannot stand they cannot stand there because it's it's not like well how many more steps does the T have to go in order to get to the level of the Bal it's not how many more steps it's a different ladder it's just a different thing through this cha that happens which is a novel new thing that only happens through embodiment it goes back to a higher level even than how it started which the verse refers to as the level of God who gave it the soul returns to the level of God who gave it but it actually doesn't return to that level it returns to a higher level because it jumps down on the trampoline and bounces up to a higher level than where it started so now we're understanding a little bit better the mechanics of this MIM theim are the challenges of embodiment and the whole purpose of embodiment was to take a perfect being aad being called aish and how do you improve upon Perfection not just you you can't do it by building on the experience that it's had so far it's not like well let's just have more experiences in heaven and you're going to get to a whole new level it's just not going to happen the only way for the Nish to go to a whole new level to go from to Bala is to go through that you read through that descent and then after that descent or I shouldn't say after because I don't want you to feel like there something that only happens after 120 after you finish your life it's happening now it's happening now happens every single time that we spring back from something that would have challenged our spiritual connection and we go through it and we come out stronger so this is the mechanics of this radical statement that not only do the many Waters not put out the fire but they even create a a more intense fire and like what if you're okay being aad so now you're what you're saying well what if I was okay being a sadic gar like somebody says you've got a million dollars you can invest it and make a trillion dollars or lose it all you know what I'll stick with the million dollars that's what you're saying right okay you're saying the same thing that you were saying earlier which was remember I said we're going to answer by the end of the mimer basically like the one who's choosing this you're saying this the same question and it'll it will be answered by the end of the mimer okay all right awesome