Starving The Yetzer Hara

foreign [Music] they are they are a very very big deal you have to know what you're dealing with here it's not worth it for you guys to touch anybody unless you're married to them because it's only going to lead you to trouble now these vacations to go back to your fantastic question that led us to so many places these vacations if it's a kosher destination that's going to lead you to get closer to Hashem to uh to do something good in the world no problem enjoy the vacation if you're single you'll have a responsibility of a wife and kids no problem but if it's a non-kosher destination with non-kosher activities then what do you want it's only going to lead you to bed I have one kid contacted me just a few days ago grew up in a really religious kharidi house more religious than me this kid said to me he says I don't know what happened to my life but in a matter of three months my whole life is upside down so what happened in three months the whole life 25 years religious hot beard pay us everything good no three months everything goes upside down he goes ah listen I don't know I thought my dad told me maybe I should uh look for a career and I said I don't know you know I don't know what to do I learned my whole life maybe I'm going to go to college maybe I'm going to call the college so he signed up to go to college now colleges today are not like colleges that they were 100 years ago we actually go to learn colleges today is like legal prostitution that's what college is out today I'm serious I went to college I know what they are colleges today is legal prostitution first four years all you know all you learn is how how much you can drink and how much drugs you can do and how many new partners you're going to have every week because you're competing with your friends that's what you learn in college you do not learn anything about what you're going to use in the world you don't learn a profession because you want to learn the profession you have to go to grad school you have to spend another fifty a hundred thousand dollars you learn nothing in college that's why Torah says don't go to college you want to learn something you need to learn a specific task you want to be an accountant a lawyer a doctor you don't need to go to one of these colleges you could do homeschool you could learn college at home Hashem provided you a way to do good things at home without going to these uh places why because these places unfortunately are full of people that live a life that's the opposite of Torah the girls are in a contest who's gonna have more boyfriends the guys are in a country who's gonna have more girlfriends and everybody meets every single night seven days a week at a place where all that happens is that so this young man that never saw anything like this in his life went to college in three months in three months he never looked he never even looked at a girl in three months he became addicted addicted to intimacy to the extent where he started going to prostitutes it wasn't enough College he started going to other things why because of utaya Kareem says there's a small member in a man if you satiate it you feed it it'll always be hungry if you starve it it'll always be satisfied it'll be satiated meaning the more active you are the more you're going to want the less active you are the less you're going to want and you're only going to want it to the appropriate times when it's a Mitzvah because it's with your wife with your husband you're actually fulfillingham but when it's not a Mitzvah guess what all you're doing is you're destroying yourself and these places that the yetza is created as your surroundings whether it's the nightclubs or it's the uh it's the colleges the uh places all of these places are different traps for the it's not to bring you now if you want to do good things you want to learn you want to study you want to do things there are plenty of kosher ways to do it you could ask me for guidance if you want to give you plenty of different references and places and so on and so forth but I promise you if you want to live a kosher life you have an opportunity to do it if you want to take your chances go ahead and do it but I'm telling you you're going to lose and the reason why the reason why I'm confident to say that is because you see the world today that we live in is full of losers it's 80 plus percent rate of divorce rates almost a hundred percent of people are miserable eighty percent get divorced the rest of them are still miserable but married they just don't want to get divorced because of the money or they don't want to get divorced because they can't afford it or they can't afford it point being abutai is people are miserable why because they don't have a college in their life in your life it is impossible to be happy because your life is going to be full of mistakes yes you have a question so you mentioned the stay away from the current okay however like feed it you'll know it'll never it'll never be satiated yes okay yes men I feel like it's even more hard you know I didn't say it was easy but it was no here's the thing the beginning the beginning of preserving yourself whether you're a man or a woman is very difficult it's very difficult it doesn't stop right away the urges that you have don't stop right away so you're gonna have the urges for a while now all of you are already at the age or close to the age of you need to get married why because to preserve yourself for much longer is going to become more and more difficult guys girls in general don't be one of these people that's uh you know no no I'm not ready to get married I'm waiting till I'm 25 I'm waiting till I'm 35 I'm waiting on 45 and then you end up being like a lot of people that are 50 still not married like everybody thinks that they're just gonna find somebody whatever they feel like it like it's a hot dog like it's a uh they're gonna buy a Snickers bar in the store and it's always going to be available every day you go to always has Snickers bars people think they're gonna find a husband and a wife like that doesn't work that way you have to make sure that you get married when you're supposed to get married not when you feel like it now what are you supposed to when your marriageable age if you're a man already at 18 you should be married 19 already is a it's considered a delay which means that all of you are either at that age or close to it and I know in modern society that's that sounds obnoxious and ridiculous but it's true it's true now I know that the generation today is very young-minded if you will or immature you could call it so for them to get married in 19 or 20 is completely out of the question why they're thinking wait I don't have money yet I don't have a job yet I didn't feel the school yet I didn't do that you have a whole list of things you didn't do that you feel like you need to do them in order for you to get married that's one of the ways the yitzla convinces you to make more sense why you don't need any of those things to get married all you need is the willpower all you need is the willpower to do a Mitzvah Hashem does the rest what do you think that Hashem gave you a mitzvah and he's gonna you're gonna fulfill that Mitzvah and he's doing it just to make you fail like sometimes people tell me listen we're not ready to have kids why not we don't have any money we don't have any money so we're not gonna have any kids so what do you think that Hashem is gonna actually he gave you a Mitzvah to have kids then he's going to allow the seed and the Egg to connect in order for the kid to come and go through all of that process of nine months of torture for the woman and the man sometimes okay to bring the kid to the world just so the kid gets starved to death like what kind of God do you believe in what do you think that Hashem is not going to give you the right amount of money and the right amount of environment and the right around of everything that you need when you need it he's not giving it to you now because you don't need it now he's going to give it to you when you need it the point being abutai is that when it comes to marriage it's not a matter of money it's not a matter of what kind of job you have it's a matter of willpower of whether you want to do the will of Hashem or not now I know that mentally nobody here is ready whether you're 18 or you're 25 no one's ready guess what I'm married for 16 years I'm still not ready you're never ready why because marriage if it's a good marriage if it's a healthy marriage it's renewed every day it's renewed every day every day you learn a little bit more about each other every day you get to know more about each every day is something new you experience things together the difference between you being single and you being married is that now married you fight to battle together by yourself go suit yourself smash head against the wall yourself waiting to be more successful by yourself no you have to two are always going to be better than one if it's the right marriage now don't just go on the streets Hey listen marry me no that doesn't work that way you'll just pick somebody obviously you have to be attracted to the person you have to have you know a similar mindset similar likes similar aspirations and so on and so forth you go on a few dates to make sure that they're not crazy and so on and after a while you decide okay I want to build a future with this person let's say that's enough that's how marriage is supposed to work it's not supposed to be where you pretend like you're married for two or three years by living together in a small little apartment your parents are paying for and once you save enough money to waste it all in the wedding then you get married that's what people do they go they get married they borrow money from everybody to get an apartment they get a dog to make it pretend like they're happily married to put pictures on Facebook and then say listen okay we're ready to get married well what makes you think you're ready to get married we saved fifty thousand dollars oh so you're gonna buy a house no a wedding so you can spend the whole fifty thousand dollars on a wedding yeah what about a house oh no we're renting she's gonna spend fifty thousand dollars to feed a bunch of strangers for one night they're still gonna complain anyway but you're not gonna have a house you're not gonna have anything else that's the that's the mentality of today we'll constantly Focus about everybody else point being about is that life doesn't need to be so difficult it doesn't need to be so difficult it's just that most of us are putting the traps in front of ourself by making decisions that are against the shin so yes if you have somebody special in your life you have to ask yourself do I want to be with this person or not if the answer is yes then already start talking discussing planning marriage in the very near future so you don't destroy your National if no break up why are you with them why are you with this person if you don't want to be with them oh I'm having fun I'm having fun so how are you going to feel like your daughter is going to come to you say Abba listen mean Jose and Mustafa all having fun together well I'm fun to oh anybody's going to marry you no no we're just having fun what are you the Village bicycle everybody's gonna what do you mean they're having fun what's the matter with you what do you mean you're having fun it's funny but it's not funny it's funny but it's not funny what do you mean you're having fun what do you mean yeah letting another man put his paws on you for fun what are you a pet why would you let another man touch you if he's not gonna put a ring on your finger why why would you let another man look at you in an inappropriate way if he's not going to put a ring on your finger why I'm having fun go get a dog it's funny but it's not funny it's funny I'm laughing too inside but I know the outside I know what happens to those parents that cry to me and say I can't believe it my daughter was having fun now she's now she's with this guy Mustafa for three years still having fun she doesn't want to leave Mustafa she doesn't want to leave Jose she doesn't want to leave Steve she doesn't want to leave David she doesn't want to leave the guy why they're having fun well yeah having fun but she's now 28 29 30 35 36 how long are they having fun I have one guy that I know he's having fun with his girlfriend 12 years already 12 years of having fun guess what as soon as he doesn't want to have fun with her anymore she's not marriedable anymore not because of our age not because of our age there's there's people available for everybody but nobody wants somebody else's problems after he leaves her after 12 13 years guess what she's going to be a basket case and no one wants to marry a basket case no one wants to marry the girl there was somebody else's for 13 14 years so this is what you girls have to think about before you let any guy even look at you this is what you guys have to think about don't waste your time don't waste your time with these these these waste of time relationships I understand getting married was not something you thought you're going to learn about or even think about today but I promise you you're doing yourself a service by if you're not ready don't touch if you're ready go for it but point being abutai is that don't treat yourself like pets don't treat yourself like a garbage pail that everybody's allowed to look at you touch you you are a child of God you're not public property don't treat yourself like it next question [Music] foreign [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] thank you [Music] thank you