The One Thought That Can Change Your Life |TORAH FOUNDATION (40)

Welcome to the Torah Center. We're back to do another installment of the the Torah foundations to get a little bit of a better idea of how to live our lives according to what Torah says. Tonight is gonna be for tonight also will have a blem. We're going to have our first ble at the Torah Center. It's going to be at around 1:00m. for having Rabbi Avita come from New York to do the everyone is welcome to come. So Abu Tay the sages say that uh you could sometimes open a sh with a with a joke to open up the hearts and I found something I found funny. I don't know if you guys will find funny, but it has to do with para. Uh, last week the Malahim came to visit Abrainu and uh they ate at his house, but we all know that uh he thought that they were Arabs. Then uh he sent uh Ishmael to go find something, go get the calf. The calf ran away. Abrau had to uh make one uh using Kabalamait. So uh if this was today, you know, imagine what the uh what the reviews would be of the uh of of the restaurant ofu. So this person wrote this joke as if the angels are uh are leaving a review on Yelp. He says, "I tried a meal at a at a's place. He came running out to meet me like he's desperate for business. >> [snorts] >> The food was fantastic, but it took forever to be served. Bread was fresh and yummy. However, the kitchen uh didn't start to help even after the uh even after gathering the ingredients until I was seated. Talk about unprepared and the meat was delicious. But seriously, what did they do? They slaughtered the animal while I was waiting. I'm probably not going to come back here unless I have a whole day or some Sodom to kill. meaning some time to kill. Cute Torah joke. But uh all serious is we have to know what we do. We have and we see that went to Ganedu has to bury her and then shortly after he has to find a shid for uh for his son. We see that the transaction that does we see from there nothing changed under the sun and like like says that um he comes and he gives them the uh uh the deal. He says no I'll give it to you for free says I'll give it to you for free. Then he says I'll charge you 400 zoos which we did the math on it one time and it was something in the neighborhood of like $30 million. an extraordinary amount of money for something that was on the uh the end of his field. It wasn't even like a main field. It was like when was telling him this is in your you know it's at the pay it's at the end meaning it's some forgotten place. You're not using it. So for a premium we see that business uh is the same today as it was back then. People say one thing they do something else. But when uh when he deals with Ephron, we see that he deals with him one way and when he deals with he deals with him differently with he says I want to make a deal in front of everybody in front of everyone all the people from town. I want them to see that I'm giving you money. I want him to hear what's the terms and conditions because he can't he knows he can't trust just like aimed when aimed asked him last week uh why did you uh do this to me with with and he says I saw that there's no here that's why I thought you'll kill me over my wife so he knew that he's already dealing with that has no so he wanted to make sure that there's an exchange that everybody sees this actually happen he's not going to come back to him a week later with something else. On the other hand, when uh he sends Elezer, his servant, to the most important mission of his life, which is to go find a wife and not just any wife, a wife from family. He has a brother which we actually learned about in last week's par where it says that uh a little section that seems like it's irrelevant but it's very much relevant that says that also had a son uh she had kids from there the sages teach us that when made a miracle for to have a kid he made a miracle for all of the women that weren't able to have kids to have kids. And uh her sister also had a kid. Her sister also had a kid who was married to Abraham's brother. So he said, "Go to my brother, Sarah's sister, and uh I hear they had kids, so go there. Don't go to the Canaanites. Don't go to the anybody else. Go there." And then he tells him, "I want you to swear to me. I want you to swear to me that this is what you're going to do, and you're not going to do anything else other than that." He tells him, "Place now your hand under my thigh, and I will I will have you swear by Hashem, God of heaven and God of earth, that you not take wife from my son, from the daughters of the Canaanites among whom I dwell." So the teach us that Abrainu had swear by putting his hand under his thigh. And for those that don't understand what that means, that means put his hand on his b. Now, of course, in this this generation that we live in right now, automatically they think dirty, disgusting things, but that's because they have dirty disgusting things in their mind already. So, that's what happens. When you have dirty, disgusting things in your mind naturally, that's that's where the mind goes. But his finger and his ble were the same thing. Why? There were there were tools to serve a and his most holy possession was the first that gave him. So he says, "I want you to swear on the most holy thing that we have." In the old days when somebody uh had a was accused of something and uh they went to the bed and they were accused of stealing or accused of not paying the money back. They had him swear on a why because you know it's a holy thing. It's the holiest thing we have in Abra's day is the holy it was the Torah. You see the difference in the generations and the mentalities. But either way we see that has swear to him. He doesn't have swear to him. Ephron is not asked to swear. Ephron is just like listen your friends. What are you gonna tell me? What are you gonna sell to me? Okay, everybody sees why he knows he doesn't care about he doesn't have no butel says, "You've been with me your whole life. You learned Torah with me. I know you care about you don't care about what people think. Care about what thinks." And we see exactly how Elzar acts after it. And he prays to he says uh he prays to Hashem. Hem God of my master of may you so arrange arrange it for me this day that you do kindness with my master of and send me the shid for uh for his son. And even when he gets to the idol worshippers, Betwell, who was actually the grandson of Abrainu's brother, he uh he's uh you know, he's the the father of he's a idol worshipper that tried to kill Elazil along with his son Lavan. And uh but uh butel is not hiding his religion like people do today. Today somebody goes to a job, he sees that there's nobody Jewish in the office, all of a sudden the keeper goes in the pocket. He sees there's a rich customer coming, the keeper goes in the pocket. He sees there's a girl coming, the goes in the pocket. He thinks that Hashem doesn't see just because the keeper went in the pocket. Elzar wasn't afraid of his belief in Hashem and in fact he tells the idol worshippers that the only reason why I'm here is because of Hashem we are be as proud of believing in hem as much as did now what does this have to do with what the is trying to teach Today, many people suffer from all types of horrible thoughts that stress them out. They think, "What if I don't have any money? You have money now?" "Yeah, but what if I don't have money? What if the money that I have, somebody steals it or I spend it?" And they're worried about all types of things that may or may not happen in the future. What happens if I forget? But did you forget now? No. But what if happens if I forget? Okay, you didn't forget. And people are worried about all types of things to the point where some people can bring themselves to a self-inflicted mental wound called obsessivecompulsive disorder. And this in the world of Torah is something that you can see where somebody does that every two seconds. And some people they do 47 times a minute. Every time. Oh, I touch this. Okay. 5 seconds later. Okay. 30 seconds later. In the end, either they give up everything. They give up Shabbat. They give up kosher. They give up everything because they figure I can't handle this. I can't handle washing my hands so many times. Or they live a very very difficult life washing their hands or doing all types of things like this out of nerves. They have so many nerves that are that are in their mind. Oh, maybe this, maybe this, may all types of things that they have in their mind that they become so self-conscious and so worried about making a mistake that they create mistakes that don't exist. They create worries and problems that don't exist. The has a solution for you. Even if you're a horrible situation of obsessivempulsive disorder, there's a solution for it. Last week we listed the 10 different topics that are in the sephil. And now we're going to delve into one of them where if a person can apply this to their life, number one, your nerves should calm down. Number two, your life will never be the same. It'll improve drastically. And number three, it'll continue growing as long as you continue doing it. And he says as follows. After he decided to write this book, he decided to include the main to break it up into topics. And he says, "I chose Shalem. I chose a wholehearted acknowledgement of God's unity as the root principle and foundation." Meaning that to believe that is the foundation of all foundations which is what the Ramb is like we reviewed last week where if you have that foundation you can build palaces of uh learning everything good on top of it. If you don't have that foundation, whatever you're building on it is almost going to be like is in Egypt, which is Abu Datim say in order to torment the Jewish people in Egypt, the Egyptians made them build stuff just so they could destroy it. So they don't even have the joy of building something because when you build something, whether you're building something like Legos or a puzzle or you're building a computer or you're building a house or you're building a bridge, this is something that the person that built it and worked hard on it takes pride in. If you see some of the old-timers that build bridges or build roads, even though the guy barely has a retirement plan, barely has uh, you know, he just has his house, he has his bluecollar job, he's hoping to retire anytime soon with a few dollars coming from social security every month. He doesn't have much, but he's proud. What is he proud of? You see that Brooklyn Bridge? I built it. Even though there's 5,000 other people, but he was part of it. You see that building over there? You see AT&T there? AT&T wasn't there before I built it. You see that road over there? I worked on that also. They have certain sense of pride in their achievements. And it's very important for a person to have something that they feel proud of. There's a young kid plo this kid when I saw the video I wanted to cry. He was crying. I wanted to cry also. He's 12 years old parapollegic. He has not only he can't walk, he has all types of diseases and has to have many surgeries. There was a uh some uh commercial that they had where he's sitting on a bench next to another normal kid. Kid that can walk and he looks normal cuz he's sitting there. And the other kid is thinking in his mind, look at this kid. Look how lucky he is. He's looking at the kid that's paraplegic. Look how lucky he is. He probably has this. He probably has that. He probably has this. And the kid is miserable. And then the little boy says to him, "Why are you upset? Ah, listen. I have all these different problem." He goes, "No, you have a lot to be happy on. You have a lot to be happy about if you look at the things you do have." And the kid's like, "Who is He's thinking to himself, who is this kid to tell me the things that I do have?" And then he sees somebody coming with a wheelchair to pick him up from the thing and and drive him off. You have legs. That's already half the battle. So this 12-year-old kid with all the surgeries, with all the difficulties, with all the disabilities, there was a video they made him crying. Why? He just completed the Talmud Bavi at the age of 12 years old. Alva and everybody else to complete the Talmud Bi at 22 years old, not just 12. What's the difference? The difference is he did not let all of the reasons legitimate reasons he has legitimate excuses he has to stop him. All of those negative thoughts that torment people every single day. I don't have any money or I don't have this. I don't have that. I don't have this. And when am I going to get this and when am I going to get that? And how come it's taking so much time and how come this person didn't come and nobody called and nobody showed up? All of the everyone has those thoughts. The difference between the winners and the losers, the winners simply just move on. There's no how come. Oh, it didn't come. Okay, it didn't come. It ain't called a goal. We just go. Life moves on. I have pain. Okay, so I'll deal with the pain. I have difficulty. Okay, I'll deal with the difficulty. says if you understand wholeheartedly that there's nothing else but everything becomes possible. Why? Because he writes, I understood clearly that since the creator is truly one and can be described by neither substance nor accident, our minds which cannot conceive of that which is neither substance nor accident cannot possibly conceive of God and his essence. We must therefore come to know him and conceive of his existence through his creations. He's telling us that this anod and the rest of the things that he's teaching is not something that you could ever really get your mind around that there's really nothing but God. Because a person anytime they're thinking about anything whatever thought they have has time and space connected to it. Whatever you thought is re relevant to time. It took place at a certain time. It's now or it happened in the past or you want it to happen in the future. Space it has to happen in a certain place. It has to be something. When we say that means is not subject to his own rules of time and space that he gave us. Time and space is not relevant to him. our reality, our logic, our understanding and the way we think things should be, all of it is not relevant to him. So if we think that I could only buy the house if Mr. Jones decides to buy this uh property for me so I can make enough money so I can buy the house. And all of that math that we do in our mind that I can pay for this if this customer closes. It's not relevant to Hashem. You did that math because you believe that you need something in order for it to work. Who says who says I have to give you the money this way? If I wanted to give you the money, I could give it to you in an infinite other ways. Which means that anytime we try to solve our amuna problems with our own logic where we are struggling with anything and we think oh yeah but if this happens then it's going to be better but if that happens this is going to be better. Anytime we start rationalizing certain things that have to happen, we're forgetting that that Hashem runs the world and he doesn't have to comply with our little to-do list. He doesn't have to put a check mark. Oh yeah, what' you say? I have to do this. Okay, check. I did that. What else do I have to do, boss? I have to do that. Okay, I'll do that, too. He doesn't have to do that. And that's why the is trying to tell us wholehearted acknowledgement of God's unity. That's the foundation. Now when we say that that means that there's no such thing as a doesn't see what's happening in your life. There's no such thing as you being alone. To say you're alone is at the very least at the very least to say I feel alone. It's at the very least the dust of where's Hashem? Where's Hashem in your life? There was a Arab uh guess you call him a witch person that dealt with black magic. The says that brought kishu 10 levels of kishuf to the world. Nine of them he gave to Ishmael. So the Arabs they uh they deal with that stuff. There's still people today that deal with it. And there was a guy in Yemen that uh people would come to him and he would do all types of things. He call on to all types of things and uh in essence solve people's problems or give them problems whatever it was. And people started believing that this guy is a holy person. this we should follow him. The rabbi of Yemen heard about this. He says, "Where is he?" And they told him where he is. Says, "I want to go see him." So when everybody heard, "Wow, even the Rav, even the Rav is going. We have to see this." So the Rav went traveled several days to get there. entered the room, tell him, "Who are you?" He says, "I'm such and such." Okay, lay down and I'll take I'll take care of your problems. He lays down. And the the Arab starts thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking, he's sweating. Nothing's working. Half hour later he says what are you thinking about that what are you thinking about he says I'm thinking about there's nothing else other than there's no other power there's no other anything other than he says stop thinking that you're ruining everything none of the demons want to come they're all afraid and he kicks him out. When a person thinks that a kadesh is the one that's running the world, that means that it doesn't matter what you're dealing with, whether it's an issue with your spouse or with monetary issues or with a computer program or whatever it is. Once you start thinking about Hashem and you start thinking deeply about the greatness of and realize that there is no outside power that could hurt you and there's no outside power that could help you other than decree everything changes. In fact, my dear Rav told me [clears throat] that he has given this solution to a few people that had serious obsessive compulsive disorders where they went to all types of therapists. One of them had a issue with washing hands constantly because they were like a germaphobe. So they would constantly wash their hands to the point where their skin was getting damaged. Another one had a problem as an adult wetting the bed. Another one had a different type of issue. All types of people that have issues. And he says all these stressors that happen, the things that go in your mind before you start losing control. Got to get rid of them. How? Think and over and over and over again. You could say, "Yeah, he was, he is, he will be." All types of other things. But think about only about Hashem. And he says it works. Why does it work? Why does simply thinking about a kadosh bahu running the world work better than any psychotherapist, psychoanalyst, psycho anything? Why? Because all of the negativity that infiltrates your mind comes from the powers of impurity. The wants to send something to trip you. It's like somebody running and somebody putting a leg there to trip him. Same thing. He sees you're going in a certain direction. He wants to trip you. Want to slow you down. He wants to mess with you. So what does he do? He starts putting thoughts in your mind. Starts putting thoughts in your mind. Listen, you're praying, but don't forget your wife told you to buy the groceries. Hey, listen. You're studying right now, but how could you be studying? You didn't pay rent yet. Listen, you're uh you're you're working here, but you have to check. Maybe the kids maybe something's wrong with them. You didn't hear anything from them. Why? Why do you have to? They're quiet. It's fine. It's a good thing. What happens? Parent has to get up to go check. Go check. Go somewhere. Why? Because the keeps putting something in his head that's something he has to do something else other than what he's doing. When you think all of the that is the pile of negativity that enters your mind runs away. Why? It cannot be in the same place. and tum cannot be in the same place. The BMT once came to visit a certain town that was known to have this Torah scholar. This Torah scholar that knew an enormous amount of Torah and would teach and people spoke highly of him. So he came to the town and the Tommy were looking forward to see who's this Taurus called that everybody hears about from different cities. But before we go to him, the Balshov says, I want to go visit this Baki. What is this? This is a guy that he has a job to work on the leather. Leather requires treatment. Till this day, they require this treatment. I know it's going to disgust you, but this is actually necessary. They take the waste of dogs and they put it on the leather in order to soften it and make it wearable, usable, and so on. certain chemicals in the in the dog's waste that apparently are are uh useful for that. But it's such a filthy disgusting job that the says that if a woman marries a man and he decides to take on this job, she could get a get. She could leave because it's such a disgusting job. He smells all the time. So now the bal says I want to meet I want to meet this guy that's here does this in this town are confused but you know nobody asking the question of he knows what he's doing. So they come they see this uh regular guy this a he just finished his job the smell is horrific. Oh how are you? like, "Oh, we're here. We're guests in your town." He goes, "Oh, come come to my house. Come to my house. Wait till I clean up. Come to my house." So, he cleans up. They go to his house. He see his wife and kids. And then the Balto starts to sing. And he tells his tummy, "Close your eyes." And every one of them close their eyes. And they start seeing angels all over the house everywhere. There's not a single spot in the house that there isn't a holy angel. The house is millions of angels are in this house. And then he tells Ara, Ara, what do you do when you're not working? He says, I don't know much. So I say taleim. I don't know anything else. So I just say taleim. When do you say it? He said all the time. I say tim. Then they leave. They go to the Torah scholar's house. Torah scholar. Oh the is coming to visit me. We're guests. So he invites him to the house. The BTO starts to sink. He tells, "Close your eyes." They close their eyes and they start seeing snakes, mazik, all types of stuff that you saw in my no movie everywhere. There's not a spot in the house that this doesn't exist. So now tell me say, "Okay, what's the like How how could it be? He says this that his job is filthy. Any time he's not working, he's thinking about with every single moment that he exists, he thinks about Hashem. The other one, even though he learns the Torah, even though he teaches, all of it he's doing to build himself a stage, has nothing to do with Hashem. He just wants to show people he knows more than them. So while he creates angels with his taim, the other one creates shindal. That's the power of thought. We're not talking about the guy who went to Mount Sai and he got the Torah like Mushabenu. We're talking about simply blue collar person. What does he do when he's able to think about Hashem? He can't do it while he's dealing with waste, but he can do it otherwise. Can't do it when you're working at the sanitation department, but you can do it before work. You can do it after work. The says that when a person makes a sin each sin distances the from them meaning wants to connect to But every time a person eats without a blessing, looks what they're not supposed to, touches something they're not supposed to, whatever they do, each time it's in essence kicking out the from your life. So much so that the says that when a person even walks proud, walks straight up like you know how people certain people walk with their chest sticking out proud like they own the world says such a person Hashem cannot be next to them. Why and pride cannot be in the same place. The same goes in the says that a person in public, he's a religious person. He goes to sh, he prays, he has the garments, but in private he doesn't do so much. That's good. in private he makes the sins that people do in private page 16A says runs from such a person runs away. So even though he goes to sh even though he keeps Shabbat even though he does the exterior and are not in the same room. Why? You would think if he was doing the sins in public, then yeah, he's a he's a bad guy, but he's doing sins in in private. He's not doing in public. Explain that when you do sins in public, you're showing that you don't care about anybody. You don't care about people and you don't care about what Hashem says. You're simply doing whatever you want. You have a certain lust. you have a certain desire, you have a certain will, and you're not letting anybody get in your way. But when a person makes a sin in private, it means that they care about what people think, but not what about who thinks. In essence, what you're saying is, I don't believe that a kadosh is watching when I'm in a room. It's like the example I gave earlier where a person wants to do something, he sees there's a business deal, he sees there's a all types of opportunity, takes off the keepa, all of a sudden pretends like he's not Jewish or he's not religious anymore. But the says that the way that deals with such people that sin privately is ultimately he punishes them publicly. How does this work in real life? Another story about the baltov is that he came to a city that was known for its butchers. these people that would supply meat. And uh the uh BV came to town and of course they want to make a suda in honor of the Rav. So they went to get the best meat from the butchers. The Rav is waiting. They go into the room. They see the meat disappeared. embarrassed. They don't know what to do. They go get the meat again. Go to the butchers, get the meat, put it there, start putting it on the fire, step away for a second, come back, meet meat's gone again. Now they're not even sure what to do. They go to the butcher again. He says, "What's wrong with you guys?" Okay, I'll come with you guys. He brings he wants to bring the meat. But right before they say anything, the bal says, "I prefer meat that comes from the head." From the head of the cow, but bring me the head. Bring me the head of the cow. So I could see how you k how you take away certain things allowed to eat. Today, especially in America, this sounds like uh hideous, but this isn't the culture of a lot of comp a lot of uh countries. Well, to this day, they eat it. Today, it's very very very expensive meat. Meat of the head. One time I wanted to make a joke and I but I didn't do it in the end. I wanted to bring a head of a of a of a lamb to the uh to the pesak because I realized it won't work out. So well work out so well. [snorts] So anyway, you know, cuz you said the head of the the tail, not in um in the head of the tail. I wanted to bring a head of a of a lamb, but I thought about it twice. I wanted to stay married. So, but that's actually there's a custom in many houses, uh old old-timers houses, that's what they do. They bring they put a head of a uh lamb on the table. But anyway, the BP says, "I want the head. I want to eat the head." So they bring the head. And now the Balto tells the butcher to come. He goes, "Okay, you took out everything. Okay, can you check if it still has teeth?" So he puts his hand inside the mouth of the dead cow and all of a sudden it bites his hand. The guy is screaming. Ah. And the Bum says, "Admit it that you've been selling to everyone in this community." No, no, no. Okay. He keeps biting even harder until the guy admitted. You're right. I've been selling. I've been selling. He says from Shamim, they took away the first two pieces of meat because they knew it's not kosher. And now I had to show everybody else why. Now, a person hears a story, if they're using their human logical sense, this is an impossible story. What do you mean? The cow's dead. It's not even connected to the body. It's just a head. How is it biting based on what the rabbi said or didn't say? When a person has they cleave to Hashem where Hashem is in their mind 24 hours a day, those rules do not apply. Why? Who decides if the cow is alive or not? Who decides to bring the cow to life in the first place? Who decided the cow is not going to live? Who decided that the heart is going to pump blood or not pump blood? Who decides that the brain is going to work? Who decides anything? So when a person understands and has full acceptance of the fact that there is no other power outside of all of those daytoday things that we call normal don't necessarily have to apply on this The Balmp gave on a verse in chapter 32 verse two. It says the the basic uh translation of it is praiseworthy is the man whom Hashem does not ascribe iniquity in whose spirit there's no deceit. In so many words, praiseworthy is the man that Hashem says he's not a sinner. But the says that praiseworthy is the man that when he doesn't think about Hashem, to him it's considered a sin. Meaning that he's so accustomed to thinking about Hashem all the time that the one time he doesn't think about Hashem at his level, it's already considered a sin. Praiseworthy is such a person that he thinks about Hashem so much that the one time he doesn't think about Hashem, it's it's considered a sin for him where he's accustomed himself to think about Hashem so much that this is what's on his mind. He doesn't have all the things that we all call normal in his mind about problems and health and money and people and whatever it is that goes with it. So the is trying to tell us here is that if you want to have a much clearer direction in your life where all of these distractions that make you nervous, whether it's people's opinions or different pressures that people put upon you because people love to put their problems on other people. It's usually the easiest thing in the world to do. They have a problem, they're stressed out, they're angry. So what do they do? They take it out on somebody else transfer process. And as soon as they do it, they feel relieved. But the guy that received it now their their whole life is upside down. the next time that happens, because it's going to happen to everybody at some point or another before you react, before you allow yourself to be angry, before you allow yourself to react in the normal way that you usually do, stop and just close your eyes and Think this is from you. You're the only one that controls the world. You decided this outcome. I'm only responsible for the effort. I'm responsible for to get out of bed. I'm responsible to try to work. I'm responsible for trying to learn. I'm responsible for trying to find a zoo. I'm responsible for trying to have kids. I'm responsible for uh you know giving good advice. I'm responsible for these things. But the outcome, it's only you. Whether my learning will have fruits, you decide. Whether my job search will succeed, you decide. Whether the customer will buy or not has nothing to do with my sales pitch. You decide. I have to go to work. I have to make the pitch. I have to make the phone call. Whether the outcome is a deal or not, you decide. I have to try to find a zeug. Whether I find one or not, you decide. I have to try to have kids. Whether it works or not, it doesn't matter that the whole neighborhood's having kids. It doesn't matter that I'm young. It doesn't matter that I'm old. It doesn't matter the doctor said this. It doesn't matter the doctor said that you decide the outcome. This is why when women come to asking for to have kids don't hold back most of the time unless they know something about this person. They don't hold back in giving a woman a blessing and even sometimes a promise that they'll have a kid within a year. Why? They know that whatever she heard is the reason why she can't have kids, it's because of a husband. It's because of the wife. It's because of the weather. It's because of the sun. It's because of the moon. It's because of the age. It's because of the shoes. It's because of I don't know whatever other reasons. None of that applies in a world where there's which means that if a kad decides this is what's going to be I'm responsible for the effort the husband the wife the effort the rav the decides whether to turn that into reality or not and the more a person believes that only is responsible for the outcome. Automatically all of the concerns, all of that heavy weight that people carry on their shoulders that stresses them out no longer affects them. Why? All I'm responsible is to simply do. It's like a guy that uh he sees a bunch of people trying to rob the bank and they ask him, "Where's the safe? Where?" He goes, "I don't know. I just work here. I just clean. Say I don't know. Go check in the room. I just clean. I mop. I just work here. I have no idea. What are you talking about? No. Where is it? I don't know. I just All I come here every day to mop. All these other people. I don't know who they are. All I know is I come here to mop. If a person starts to treat themselves that way in this world where they're not going to take things so deep into their heart where they start thinking, "Yeah, but people are going to think this about me. And if they think that about me, then they're going to say this about me. And if I go there, then they're going to be mad over there. And if I do this, then the other one's going to do that." Start doing all those different calculations. You're inventing problems that will stress you out while at the same time are distancing you from Hashem. You're worried about what people are going to say. You're worried about what people are going to do. You're worried about things that you may or may not have. You're worried about things that simply are not in your control. None of the outcomes are in your control. And the only thing that people are not worried about is do I have enough connection to where I believe that he's the one that's in charge? Because everyone wants to say, Hashem, you know, will help. But when push comes to shove, if we're finding ourselves stressed out on a regular basis, anxious, full of anxiety, worried, That means that we have distanced ourselves from Hashem to a point where we forgot he is the one in charge of the outcome. Not you. You are in charge of effort. Press the button. What happens after you press the button? None of your business. Yeah. But everybody that else that pressed that button, something that doesn't make a difference. In a world of that means that what what happened to everybody else a thousand people pressed the button and XYZ happened. If you believe all of those thousand experiences are irrelevant. It's not a statistic like when you flip a coin it's 50% heads 50% tails. The more there's in your life, the more there is no chance there. Simply whatever Hashem wants to happen is going to happen. Sometimes he wants us to fall. He wants us to feel pain. Why? Because that's usually when we pay attention to to him because nobody else called. Nobody else answered our calls. We said our friends all of a sudden they're busy. Our family all of a sudden they're on vacation or this one. Everybody's gone. So we seem says okay. So now you want to say since you're on the floor crying sometimes he wants to bring us down just to bring us closer. But instead of us waiting to fall, is in essence trying to tell us, listen, if you have me in your mind, automatically you're winning. Why? All of the negativity that the whole world worries about can't enter your mind so long as I'm in your mind. If there's negativity in your mind, that means Hashem is not in your mind. And sometimes the Satan is really tricky where he's going to trick you by saying Hashem doesn't like you. So in essence you're think you you think that you think about Hashem but in a negative way. You have to understand has nothing to do with emotions is a wholehearted understanding that a runs the world. It has nothing to do with your mood. It has nothing to do with your gender. It has nothing to do with your age. It doesn't even have anything to do with your religion. If you believe that there's only one and it's in your mind, nothing negative can take you. Why? If you believe that is the only one in control, then that means that you believe that whatever outcome happens as a result of whatever action you took, whatever button you pressed, he decides the outcome and you're already accepting it because it's from him and you know that nobody else can overpower him. The more you realize that who is in charge, the easier it is to deal with the wealth of problems that are coming from every different corner. As a person goes through life and especially when people go through difficult times, it seems like when it rains, it pours. Seems like the the good old times are, you know, a distant memory. When somebody goes through problems, it seems like everything is wrong. one thing after another. What a is trying to tell us is the more you have me in your mind, the less you're going to worry about all of these outside factors. Why? Because I'm the one that's I'm the one that controls all of them. I'm the one that controls all of them. And now imagine a person goes through life this way. Goes through life They wake up in the morning, they pray, they go to work. One of the most stressful things that a person that doesn't have patience, can deal with is going to work. Why? There's always traffic. There's always some crazy person driving that wants to cut you off. So now if you don't have Eno in your mind, then what do you think? Who is this psychopath that just cut me off? Oh, how come everyone? Everybody's going to work right now. Everybody's coming to my office now. 40,000 cars are all going in the same direction. You start giving power to all of these people as if they took your time. As if they took your road. as if they took your life because you're mad at them for being there. You're mad that you're late. You're mad that uh there's traffic. You're mad that the car doesn't work. You're mad about all these different factors. But if you're thinking, say, "Listen, I tried. I'm in the car. I'm driving will decide when I get there." Now, don't just sit at home and say, "Listen, if a wants me to go to work, then he'll just bring me there." That's just not going to work. But if you have on the way to work, you're no longer stressed out because of traffic. There's nothing you can do about it anyway. Like if you beep or you don't beep. I never understood people beep. Like if you beep, you think the guy's going to go faster. If anything, he's going to give you a flip your finger. He's not going to give you any. He's not going to He's not going to say go faster. He's going to go dka slower. He's going to curse you out. He's going to, you know, in today's world, some people get out of the car, stop beating people up. Huh? You beeped at me. No, you beeped at me first. And they fight over who beeped. So imagine the guy now already eliminated the first stress of his life. Every morning he's stressed out because of traffic. Now he has in his mind. He listens to whatever he gets there, he gets there. Whenever she gets there, she gets there. And they know that if they got there late and say, "Oh, you're late." Yeah, but I'm here. Yeah, but you're late. I'll try better than tomorrow. You don't tell other people, listen, wanted me here late. That's why I'm late. No, you don't tell that to other people. That's all in your mind. That's all in your mind. I tell your boss, listen, Hashem wanted to be to be late. So, okay. So, you know what? Let him pay you your salary also. Is a personal relationship with it's not something you tell other people about about listen you know my hand smashed your face because of because your face and my hand I just did the effort like the rabbi said and your face happened to be in the way. That's not how it works. means that if you have a personal relationship with you believe that you are responsible for the effort, Hashem is in charge of all outcomes, which means that you already accept the outcome before you know what it is. You accept what time you'll get to work before you know if you're going to get there on time or not. You accept whether you're going to win the lawsuit or not. before the lawsuit actually is decided. Why? Because you know he is responsible for what? Not just the traffic, also the lawsuit too. So now we got to work. Hashem, we got there on time. We say good morning. We say hello. We're cordial. We're nice. Even if people have different beliefs, even if people have all types, we're nice. We're cordial. decent people. Some people for whatever reason or another, they think that if they're religious, that means they have to hate everyone that's not religious. Absolutely false. Says would say hello to everyone first, including the idol worshippers. Including the idol worshippers. Why? Just because I say hello to an idol worshipper doesn't mean I agree with his belief. So, we arrived at work stress free. Why? Instead of being stressed out about the traffic and a traffic light and the car accident that everyone is looking at for 4 hours instead of just simply passing by. I got to work whenever I got to work. Okay. Now, of course, as soon as you get to work, if you have one of these jobs, the worst part of the day is the morning. Why? All of the problems from the night before piled up and everyone's accusing you as if where were you? As if you're supposed to work 24 hours a day. I emailed you at 12:31 a.m. How come you didn't answer? Well, it's because I have a family. I have to sleep. I have to live. I have to breathe. I'm not always working. So, all of the problems from the night before arrive first thing in the morning. You see a pile of papers that covers your face. You have all these reports to fulfill. You have all these sub projects. Everything happens. Now if you think that everything is in your hands, then of course you're going to get stressed out. Why? How can I finish all this work? I just got here and I want to leave. How can I do all this? But if you say, "Wait, Hashem is responsible for the outcome, right? What am I supposed to do?" Effort. So, I'm going to do what I can and whatever happens happens. Okay? So, I have a pile of papers up to here. Okay? I'll take the first one. You do what you got to do. Then, take the next one. Do what you got to do. Take the next one. Do the next one. You do. You never know. Maybe you're actually going to finish. Maybe is gonna do where you're gonna finish 15 hours worth of work in 15 minutes. But if you're thinking about no, but I can't do this. This is too much. They're overworking me. I can't believe it. How come they don't pay me more? How come this? Look, she's not doing anything. Look, he's You start looking at all of the other things. What are you doing? You're in essence empowering everyone else except you're looking at her that she's not working. So what' you do? You empowered her that if she was working that would help you. You're looking at the guy that's talking. Oh, if he wasn't talking that would that would help me. You're looking at the guy that's not paying you a higher salary or if he was paying you a higher salary that would help you. But in reality, none of it has to do with what you're supposed to do right now. So instead of focusing on my role, which is effort, what's Hashem's role? Outcome. How do I get my head around that? That's it. The end. There is no other power in the world that exists outside of the moment we get stressed out, the moment we get angry, the moment we get upset as a result of somebody else, we have just empowered them over when the head of the meaning is not a Jo, this is top of the food chain. He decides to choose sides. He's with Shaul against David. He sees Davidid. He curses them out in front of all of his soldiers. What's Clanimit? Every curse under the sun. He calls him an adulter, a womanizer, a mam, a roak. Every literally every curse under the sun, he curs him in front of everybody. David, he's a me. His general says, "Why does my highness stand there? Let me go and just flick my sword on his dog's head and silence him." Meaning, let me chop this guy's head off. for going against the king. David says, "He didn't curse me." He did. Meaning only allowed this to happen. The fact that he chose to be the tool that this curse comes, he'll get punished for it. But I don't have to punish him for it. I have to do on why this had to happen to me, why this is the outcome. So the vid at that moment got what he prayed for. He prayed to for many years that he is going to be the fourth pillar of the you have that carry the and Davidid wanted to be the fourth and says to David passed my tests. You didn't pass my test. He said, "Test me." And aside from this, there was other tests. But this was after David showed in front of everyone. His level of that he knew that even the curse from this dog is not coming from the dog, but it's coming from the master. says, "Now you're going to be now you deserve to be the fourth pillar of the meeka." Why? Now you got the point. Now you know who's in control of everything. So now a person got to work. Stress first thing in the morning disappears. Why? whatever their complaints, the clients, the customers, the boss, the colleague, the guy that's working, the guy that's not working, the guy that's always late, the guy that's on lunch permanently, the guy that's underpaying. All of these things are not my problem. They're not my problem. What's my problem? My problem is that I have to work harder on understanding that runs the world. So now you went through work, got to drive back home. traffic. Use the same rules we use for going to work because there's also traffic on the way home. Everybody wants to go home at the same time. And it seems like everybody wants to go to your house. Doesn't it seem like it? You're on traffic and everybody's going the same exact road. Like you all live in my house. Where does it fit? 47,000 cars. They're all going in the same direction. You all you all live in this one street. So you apply the same rules to now you get home. Now if you have a normal family that means that it's not like the fairy tales where as soon as you come home everybody says and everybody hugs kisses. Yaya's home. That doesn't work. No doesn't happen. Yaya's home. Yay. That that that doesn't normal normal life. It's not like that. That's like in the movies, maybe shows, TV shows. What's real life? Come home, all of a sudden the kid that wasn't crying starts crying. Hey, he hit me. Hey, he hit me. Ah, we don't have any food. As if they're starving. Like, there's $15,000 worth of food in the house, but I can't. I'm starving. There's nothing to eat. And everybody starts with the problems. And then the spouse, whoever was at home, is telling you about all the problems that you didn't know about. And they all want you to catch up to what you missed out on in five minutes. It's all the pressures that they've been building up on waiting for you to come home. And the moment you come home, instead of getting a hugs and kisses of I love you, they give you a dish of all of the pressures and and and anguish that they've suffered while you were not there. How could you how dare you not be there? So now if you still have left in your mind from traffic then instead of being upset that you don't really want to hear this and you just want to be left alone and you thinking about maybe I should go back to work work 24-hour shift. You start thinking, you start thinking, you know what? You're the one that gave me this family. Some people don't have a family. You're the one that gave me these kids. You know how much some people are willing to pay to have a kid? You're the one that gave me a spouse. You know how many people are miserable because they can't find a spouse? you're the one that gave him the problems and therefore apparently you gave me the ability to be a solution of some kind. Even if the solution is just simply listening to them cry cuz sometimes even says the solution to a problem is simply to tell somebody your problems. You just want somebody to hear you. They can't solve your problem, but you just want somebody to listen to you. Sometimes that's the solution. That's sometimes that relieves part of the pain. So when a person starts to realize wait all of this you gave me instead of me thinking that things should be different I should be thinking that this is exactly what you want for me. You want me to deal with this. If you would have wanted me to deal with something else, you would have given me something else. If you didn't want one of the kids to have a scratch that he's crying about, then you wouldn't it wouldn't have happened. If this is what happened, that means I'm supposed to deal with it. Now, if I get angry and he's crying, how is that going to solve the problem? If I yell at her and she's crying, how is that going to solve the problem? All it's going to do is make everyone forget that Hashem runs the world. Because if Hashem runs the world, just because you wear a keepa, it doesn't work. Hashem runs the world means in the way that you behave. So the moment you get to the house, you have to make sure that the enl that you carry through traffic arrives with you. Doesn't stay in the car. After you arrive home, the problems have been discussed. You've put out some fires. The one that got hit, you really found out that he's the one that hit the other one first. He just got hit back. The one that got in trouble in school, it wasn't because they were being picked on. It was because they didn't do their homework. You find out once things come down, you find out that things are not as what they seem. But now you have to remember this is not the end of your day. Why? In order for you to have strength to take Hashem with you to work tomorrow, you have to learn about him. You have to learn now. Yeah, you work. You work. Everybody works. Unless you're in and your work is learning Tawra, you work a regular job. Working a regular job means you can't learn Tawa when you work in a regular job. There are some jobs in some companies that they let people have a break and they let them learn Tawa for an hour or so or two hours. But generally speaking, 99.9% of all companies that you work for all over the world, you work. Meaning you can't learn Tawa. The best you can do is listen to your own Ruben on the way to work, on the way home from work. That's it. But guess what? It's not enough. Why you want to have it's not enough to just listen to you. You have to do what's called amala. You have to try hard. Not just, you know, silver plate being a a dish given to you and I'm giving you all the source. I'm giving you all the solutions. I'm giving you all the answers and everything is easy. Especially for you men. Women are not obligated to learn to the same level as as men. Men have to try hard. Why? Our is tuned differently. meaning we have to work harder to get to the connection of a than a woman does. So now after you got to work, you did what you had to do. You got home from work, you did what you had to do. Now you need to prepare for tomorrow. How am I going to take with me to work tomorrow? That means I have to make time not just to go to and pray but rather to learn about to open a to open to open a sh where I'm actually going to write down what I'm hearing to actually exert some form of effort to connect and give myself some type of to-do list on my and not just on my financial situation. Everyone has an easy time making a to-do list of all the things you need to do financially. Oh, I have to buy this. I have to sell this. I have to go here to go report this. I have to sign over here. I have to go over here. The lawsuit, the uh the uh uh Department of Motor Vehicles, the Department of Treasury, the Department of uh you know, stupid people, the department of people that we hope that there all types of departments. Everybody has a to-do list. We have to have a to-do list of what am I going to do with my not for life tomorrow today something what can I take with the shield that I learned before I went to sleep before everything after I dealt with all the things what what can I take from tomorrow and a person that does something like that automatically it's going to help them carry their Torah learning into their day-to-day life because The kizuk you get from a shure like this is good but only up to a point. It'll help you today. It may even help you tomorrow. But if you don't carry it forward with your effort, it stops there. It's like fuel. Could be the best fuel in the world, but eventually it runs out. In order for it to stay, you have to refill. You have to refill. You have to refill the tank. How do you refill the tank? Learn more. So after you went through your job, you went through everything, you have to make time to learn to you have to make time. And again, everybody in their level, some people a is the only thing they can handle. Some people they can learn. Some people they have to they like some people like a mix. whatever it is, but it has to be something that's pushing your mind. It's pushing you, especially when you don't feel like doing it. Now, I know that sometimes a person feels like they have responsibility to their wife, responsibility to the husband, responsibility to the neighbors, responsibilities of all types of other things. But and and you're right, all these responsibilities exist, but at some point or another, you have to make time for yourself. Because if you allow yourself to drain yourself to empty, then not only do you lose the momentum that you started, but eventually you explode. You go back to even a worse situation than you started with. You go back to being angry. You go back to being anxious. You go back to being nervous. You go back to all these negative things that you had before. Why? Because you're out of fuel. So the is telling us the goal is to arrive at a wholehearted acknowledgement that God is one. And that's not to believe that there's only one God. That's to believe that there is nothing else. It's not one in comparison to zero or one in comparison to two. When we say one, we are comparing it to something material. There's one cup. Why is there one cup? Because there's not two. Because there's not zero. So when we say one with a human mind, we're thinking one is relevant to something else. What the is telling us aem him being one is not one versus zero or versus more than one rather there's just one nothing else there's no other power that can help me or hurt me only who's in charge only is responsible for the outcomes And the more a person engraves this into their heart, the less they're going to be affected by all of the outside pressures that are coming from from all the different places that are trying to get you to think something else. of in this week's para was not just a like a typical evid was a student of au and he did not only agree to do the will of his master but he had complete that the only reason why he exists at that moment is to do the will of of is to fulfill this. And he prayed to Bahu to help him so much so that he says the only way I can succeed is if you help me. I can't succeed on my own. It's not like there's a navigation system. He's going into the desert. It's not like make a right here, make a left there, over the hill, you could go there's and anyway, even if you arrive at a place where there's people, who says it's the people you're looking for? He prays to say, "Please help me." Why? Because there's nothing else. And tell us that he arrived there instantly. What does it mean instantly? who simply made him. He left. He arrived. There was no traveling for days and days looking for directions. There was he left and arrived in the same moment. And then as soon as he had the meal where Lavan and Bil tried to kill him, he left and arrived instantly. Meaning the whole thing took 24 hours. Something traveling that would take weeks and weeks. Why? He knew who runs the world at such a level that the physics the physical laws that instilled into this world applied to everybody else that doesn't have. But when you believe that there's no other power other than then that means that he doesn't have to make you realize it through all of the uh physicality of the world. He could simply skip a step. Why? You got the point. It's like the game hide and go seek. Somebody counts, everybody hides. When is the game over? When he finds them, once he finds everybody, game's over is saying to us, "I'm playing hideand go seek with you. I'm giving you all types of tests to see if you could find me in them. When is the test over?" You say, "Oh, Hashem, it's you. I found you. Okay, game's over. Test's over. The test is once you realize it's you'll see that the test is over." And the more you apply to your life, the more you realize that your test, your difficulties will be shorter. Why? You got the point. You got the point. You passed the test. Again, everybody has different levels of test. Some are bigger, some are smaller. Depends on your depends on your But either way, no matter where you are in your life, this certainly can help you. Like I said, from the moment you wake up to go to work, to be at work, to come home from work, to deal with what happens at home from work and in order to prepare for the rest of of your life after that. And we can all apply this uh to our lives starting this day and uh let let us know the results and uh how your travels and your journeys and your work has been over the next week, next week when's going to give us the next subject. Anybody have any questions? Jasmine. club everything. >> Okay. So what what uh what advice should you give a woman that has OCD tendencies in regards to preparation for mikvah? So the first thing I would tell you is that a lot of times because people are not aware uh of the details of the laws especially the leniencies uh that that exists it creates a very nervous uh you know it creates a lot of nerves where for example yes the ideal situation is for a woman to uh you know to uh to be uh not have any to go into the daughter without any issue. But the reality is if they find a uh hair on let's say her back or something like that after she dipped and she already left, she doesn't have to come back. It there's there so a lot some of the things that for example uh a uh nail polish. I had a woman contact me and they she told me, "Oh, I just came back from the mikvet and I realized I didn't remove my nail polish. Do I have to go back? Now, person doesn't know the law will tell you, yeah, she has to go back. It's nail polish considered. But that's not necessarily true. Why? If you have no problem walking out of your house with the nail polish, even if it's a little bit chipped, but you wouldn't have a problem walking out of your house and going to the store and operating your life. Uh, even if you have a little chipped nail, then it's not. So there are certain things there are certain intricate things that the more you know about the the law the uh the better the easier it's going to uh be to deal with the laws because you realize yes the ideal situation is a but even if a even if you're not perfect it doesn't necessarily mean that it's zero it's not it's not a zero sum game now one thing I would suggest is for a person to uh number one, try to make a day out of it. Meaning, don't try to do it if you already know yourself that you get very nervous and and things like that. Try to make a day out of it where it's you're giving yourself more than enough time to prepare because if you're going to try to conquer the world and at the same time go to the mikvah, it becomes very very difficult because you already have nerves and you're you're bringing the nerves from work to uh to this, it's going to be very very difficult. So try to make a day out of it. If you could either take off the day from work or you could uh take a half a day off, whatever it is to give yourself as much time as possible. That's number one. Uh number two, try to uh um give yourself like a list of things you need to do and check off each one. Now, if let's say you go through the list and the Balan says everything's okay and you went through it, then you don't have to worry about anything else. You don't have to worry about, oh, but maybe I missed this or maybe I missed that. You have to trust that knows what he's doing. If he wanted you to know something, you would know it. you don't have to worry about possibilities because one of the things that a woman needs to make sure that she realizes is that it's not just the mikv that has an impact on uh on what comes after it but also it's what's in our mind after she leaves the mikvah. So much so that a woman has to protect her eyes from what she sees after she leaves the mikvet. So if a woman sees for example a specific types of animals like pigs and things like that as the first thing she sees out of the mikvah some say go dip again. Uh also, and we don't have that in our streets anymore, obviously in in modern society, but the point is is that a uh a woman needs to make sure that she takes advantage of the time she has and doesn't like, you know, go dip in a mikvet and like run home as soon as possible because uh maybe her husband is going to lose his mind. She has to take our time to get home in a good mood. And if that means she has to take an extra 5, 10, 20, 30 minutes to be in a good mood, then so be it. Why? Because if you come home from the mikvet in a bad mood, it's not just that, oh, you're not in a good mood. It's that it's going to affect the outcome of what happens. It could affect what's born, what's not born. It could affect whether there's going to be something. Sometimes people come back from mikvah they get into a fight. Now getting into a fight, you know, after mikvah is like the the worst thing you could possibly do. But guess what? When a person thinks, you know, gets too nervous about certain things, everything affects them. So make a list, go through the list, do your best, and don't worry about, oh, maybe I missed this or maybe I missed that. As long as you did your best, pray before you uh you uh uh do the preparation, please. Help me do your will. This is also something that is a to start off every day. After you say after you say, you say to to Hashem, Hashem, help me do your will. Help me fulfill your will. Just starting your day, help me do what you want me to do. So when you ask Hashem to help you, then that's it. you don't have to uh worry about the uh the the outcome because that's his that's his department. Our department is effort. I tried my best. I tried to make sure there's no I tried to go to the right mikvet. I tried to go on the right time. I tried to count properly. I used the app. I used the calendar. Whatever a person is using, I did everything I have to do. That's it. Out you know the the uh the all the possibilities and the variables remove that. Why? Because those nerves affect a woman in a very very different way than it affects a man. A man usually when he has nerves either gets angry or opposite he becomes very very silent like he doesn't want to talk at all. A woman when anytime she gets stressed it affects her hormones affects her ability to produce. And sometimes a woman that has a lot of uh nerves she could have a miscarriage. So it's very very important for a woman to know that these types of things have a much bigger impact on you. So the more you have in your mind, the less you have problems. Why Hashem help me do your will. You're praying to Hashem, help me. You know everything is coming from you. I believe everything. I'm sacrificing everything in my life just to serve you. That's it. I'm not responsible for anything else. I'm only responsible for my effort. You're responsible for the outcome. And the more you have when you're dipping in the mikvah, when you're with your husband, when you're at work, when you're in traffic, when you're shopping, when you're making for Shabbat, anything that you're doing, you're thinking about Hashem, the more you'll see how all of these nerves simply disappear. They disappear. Why? Because Hashem and the negativity cannot be in the same place. So the moment you have a feeling of negativity of any kind of nerves of anxiousness or anything like that just think hold on a second and just you could even imagine the kvk in your mind if you want you could just simply say to yourself you could say it in your mind you could do a lot of different things you know the use meditations and things like that we don't need meditation we simply need this and actually not just say the words but believe it like start thinking great you created the That means you created me. That means you created my body. That means you created everything in it. That means all of the good things, all the complications, all the ups, all the downs, all the you did all of it. Which means that if something is not working, you're the only one that can fix it. And if something is working, you're the only one that can continue making it working. And the more a person starts to connect to Hashem and says, "Hashem, it's you. It's always you. It's always I every road that I start I always end with you. It's always you. And the more a person realize it's only Hashem that's it. Problems maybe for other people not for you. So it's it's it's easier than it sounds but it requires practice every day. You know it's a uh person could give themselves reminders. You know, instead of giving yourself a reminder, oh, at 12:00 remind me to check the laundry, do at 12:00 remind me to think about Hashem and say instead of saying, "Oh, at 9:00 remind me to uh call my mother." Say, "At 9:30 after I finish the conversation with my mother, remind me to talk to Hashem for 5 minutes." Like, give yourself reminders if you need to. But the point is is that whatever tool you can use to remind yourself that Hashem is running the world. Don't wait for prayer to be reminded that Hashem runs the world. Because what happens is if prayer is the only time you're reminded that Hashem runs the world, then even prayer becomes like a chore. Because if that's the only time you're thinking about Hashem, that means you weren't thinking about him the whole time. That means that your mind is already thinking about other things to such a point that you can't wait to finish prayer because it's in the way of the things you want to do. So you get to prayer because you need to pray because you need to go back to work, not because you're going to talk to the boss. So, whatever reminders you can give yourself, and everybody could do it. You could write a post-it, you could do a reminder on the phone, send yourself a timed email, whatever you got to do, just to remind yourself, take five minutes or even one minute. Simply think about Hashem. Another good advice that I've told people over the years is if you get a little notebook, write different miracles that happened to you, different things that happened to you. Oh, I can't believe I got there on time even though I was supposed to be a half hour late. I got there on time. Oh, I can't believe it. This uh person that I spoke to 5 years ago, he called me and we did business because of that. Oh, I can't believe it. I didn't have money to buy a carriage and somebody dropped off a carriage, brand new carriage they didn't need and now I have a carriage for my kid. Or whatever miracles happened to you, write them in a little book. Write them in a little notebook. Why? Not because you need them today. Because one day when the comes and attacks you and makes you believe that he's in charge and he's stressing you out, you open that little book and you start you're reminded yourself of what Hashem did for you and you realize, wait, he was there and he was there and he was there. Oh, I never thought he was going to and he was there also. I was alone over I wasn't alone. He was there. you. These little sentences that you write of different miracles that happened to you are reminders that he was always with you. And it helps it helps people that deal, especially people that deal with a lot of difficult things. It helps them overcome the struggle because when you're struggling, it's very very hard to think of anything good that happened to you in the past. You're you're you're too much you're in too much pain to think of anything positive. Like when somebody I remember when I was dealing through a lot of problems and Rab Fry told me yeah but think about all the good things you have like I didn't really have a good reaction to that. I was like what good things? What are you talking about? Everything is you know I say what are you what good? You can't think of it. I'm burned alive right now. You're telling me good. Yeah but you have legs. And when you're in fire when you're you're you're burning you're you're in pain. You don't you can't think that I have legs. Can't think of that stuff. So can't think of oh this happened to you, this miracle happened to you and you got this and you got that. Can't think of that stuff. So sometimes writing it down and opening up that book when you're dealing with a difficult time is is a good solution. Why? Because it reminds you of your personalized experience that you needed to remember. What else? Yeah. too much. >> Why does Kazal say don't to don't talk to the woman even to your wife? And the reason why is because if a person works when he needs to work, eats when he needs to eat, takes care of his personal hygiene when he needs to take care of his personal hygiene, and then speaks to the wife as much as possible. When is he gonna have time to learn to? So number one, when it comes to a woman that's not your wife, Kazal teaches us not to talk to her when she's not your wife. Because the way that a mind of a man works is differently than the way that a woman works. where the more you become comfortable talking to a woman, the more you start developing forbidden desires in your mind about that woman. Even if she's 87 years old and looks like your nightmares, doesn't make a difference. It's a uh it's a uh it's simply a reality of the creation. This is how Hashem created the world. That's why doesn't matter if the woman is 75, 85, 95 or 25. So a person needs to know that to talk to a woman that's not his wife unless it's for a specific shid and so on and there's no there's other people he has to minimize that conversation. Number two, even if she is his wife, it's not healthy for him to talk to her too much because it's going to be to waste too much time because a woman has the ability to talk a lot more than a man does. And out of 10 levels of speaking that brought to the world. Nine of them he gave to gave to the women. So women love to talk and it's fine for her to talk if uh if there's an actual problem or something she needs to talk to you about, but once it goes into long conversations of 4hour conversations, it's going to kill your Torah time. Uh that's number one. Number two, it's also going to lead to forbidden speech like why? That's what people talk about. The more you allow yourself to talk, the more you are guaranteed to violate the Torah. It's not it's not a possibility. It's a guarantee. Why? What are you going to talk about? What are you going to talk about? Now, if you're talk about, but if you're not, if you're a regular person, you're going to talk about life. And what's life? Work. the community, the family, the friends, the enemies. That's what you're going to talk about. And guess what? Nine out of 10 conversations about people are forbidden. Nine out of 10 conversations about people are forbidden. Somebody told me today, "Listen, this girl uh is a uh friend of another girl, and she said that when she converted, she uh you know, she uh didn't want to Like this this girl A says that girl B told her that when girl B converted she really didn't want to convert. So does that mean that she's not really Jewish? They're asking the rabbi. Girl B said she didn't want to convert because girl A say she said she told her. Does that mean that she's not Jewish or yes? Who wants to give me an answer? Is she Jewish or not? Or whatever you want to tell me. Yes. >> Okay. Answer. She's still Jewish. Okay. Answer. >> Yes. >> She's still Jewish. Okay. Yeah. Who else wants to give me an answer? Yseph. >> Jewish. >> Still Jewish. Okay. Beck. Jewish. Okay. Okay. I love all of you. You're all wrong. How could it be both? You said both opinions, Jewish, not Jewish. How can you all How could everybody be possibly wrong? The reason why it's unless you heard girl B say to you, I da da da da. You are not allowed to believe girl A. You're not allowed to believe girl A regardless of what she says. If she said yes, she says no, it doesn't make a difference. It's now she's thinking, "Oh, but I'm helping the community by telling them that there's maybe a suspect. There's no nothing." You're saying that's what you're doing. So when you talk about people, nine out of 10 times, and I'm being generous here, it's almost 100% of the time it's forbidden. So when a man speaks to a woman a lot, it's only a matter of moments before they start talking. Why? They're going to talk about somebody. Now, if you're going to have a conversation about general things that need to operate the house, your task is this, my task is this, the kids are doing this, the kids are doing that, the parents are coming, the parents are going, all these different things. It's no problem. That's not a problem. But that usually doesn't take 4 hours. That usually is, I don't know, 15 minutes, half hour. The longer you're married, the less time it requires. If you're speaking, if uh both of you are very very studious and and committed, it could take a little longer. But generally speaking, most conversations between husbands and wives are not that. They're not Torah. Most of the conversations about other things. The more you talk about other things, the more inclined you are to make sins. That's the second reason. But the bigger reason is that a man has to spend more time toiling in Torah. If he spends four hours a day speaking to his wife, he will become an even if he started off as a scholar. Even if he started off as a the relationship, he got into the relationship Torah scholar. He now gets married and he spends four hours a day speaking to his wife within two years that knows nothing. Why? As much as he's learning Torah, he's allowing too much junk to enter his mind. It's not possible to be a Torah scholar and spend so much time socializing. It's just not possible. Now, he can still know basic knowledge, but in comparison to where he was and where he can be, two different worlds. So again, yes, you need to speak to your wife. Yes, you need to speak to your husband. You need to communicate. Communication is critical for a relationship, but a person also has to understand there's a time and a place for everything. And there's a quantity of everything. You can't just say, "Listen, I'm home. She's home. Let's just talk for 17 hours and just see what happens." It's too much. It's it's important for people to know that yes, communication is important. It's critical. Sometimes there there is a conversation that's required four hours. Sometimes there's an argument, there's a difference of opinion, there is a uh emotions involved. Whatever it is, you need to talk for four hours just to convince her that you're right. Takes four hours. Sometimes you need to do it. Well, you said something stupid and you have to fix it for four hours. Yes, it's required. No problem doing it. But if you're going to do that every day, you're not going to be anything in your life. So yes, communication critical. Number one reason of why couples have problems is lack of communication. They don't talk at all. They simply assume everything. He assumes she's supposed to do something. She assumes he's supposed to do something. Everybody assumes and nobody talks. So communication is critical. But everything has to be with within reason. Within reason. There are times where yes, you need to speak for a long time, but don't make it an everyday thing where every day there's a session, you go to cola for 8 hours, you go to your wife for eight hours, and hopefully you have some time to sleep, too. That's not it won't work so well. It has to be everything in time. But also aside from that, it's a uh uh if a person is uh is doing what they're supposed to be doing as a husband, they don't really need to talk so much. Most of the time they need to simply listen. Most of the time what a husband needs to do is simply listen to his wife. She likes to talk. If you're a talker, the conversation will be longer. Really what she wants is to is for you to listen to her nine out of ten times. She wants you to listen to what she went through through the day. She wants you to listen that you care. She wants you to to hear that you appreciate what she's doing. She wants you to listen to some of the problems. Maybe you have an easy solution. She simply just wants you to listen. So if you are a good listener already cut the conversation in half, but if you like to talk, good luck with that. So uh so but again it's a it's it's it's a uh it's it's it's good to talk but not too much and as far as if it's not your wife. >> Yes. [clears throat] >> Repeat that again. >> The question that were asked before. Okay. >> Oh yeah. >> Somebody heard that firstand >> if somebody heard if let's say for girl A girl B said it to me when I converted I uh I didn't mean it and this happened two years ago or something like that. We don't believe her. We don't believe her. And the reason why is because why didn't you come sooner? Why did you come sooner? Why did you convert? Who put a gun to your head to tell you to convert? The fact that you regret it because and you and you were trying to get out of jail free card type of thing doesn't mean anything. We don't believe it. Don't take our word for it. Uh it's not a uh once you convert it, she converted. You know it's a uh but again in general there are situations where a person converts and then they uh make some mistakes and they distance themselves away from Hashem and uh in order to alleviate their uh their guilty conscious uh they think that if uh they uh you know they're no longer Jewish that means that uh they're not responsible anymore and uh it's it's a it's simply lying to yourself. There was actually even a situation where we had there was a woman that uh she went to a bedin and uh she converted and uh she did uh something really stupid uh and uh which is she uh the payment she gave to the bedin it didn't go through like in so many words she defrauded the bedin And it wasn't like, listen, the credit card didn't work, so she gave him another card and it No, like she gave him a check and the check bounced. And she didn't give another check. She didn't give another check. Um, and uh this obviously is a very big uh uh very disrespectful uh very big no no. And uh somebody told her, "Listen, your conversion is not valid because you didn't, you know, you you uh you didn't pay for it." And uh and the answer is that's not true. Our conversion is valid. Even though she has a problem with Shamim, even though you know it's uh she's stupid for doing that, uh the conversion is valid. conversion is valid. It's a uh took about two years to to to to fix this situation. Uh but uh I was only involved after the fact. Uh apparently they wanted me to help um I guess make amends between the two parties. But uh people do stupid things. People do stupid things. And sometimes it's easy to fix, sometimes hard to fix. But when you become a Jew, it's not like a it's not a driver's license where it could just simply be taken away from you. Now, there are circumstances where we see in a Torah that uh you know that uh the conversion is not valid. uh the uh Yeshua Benoon with the Canaanites uh the the Ghonim uh the uh he got fooled by them and then David says the Gonim are are not Jewish but not Jewish meaning that no one marry them and let them continue with their idolatrous ways and that way they'll kill off themsel kill off themselves. Um, so there are situations where there's questionable conversions. There are situations, but if you find out that for example, somebody converted to a uh uh a uh a bed that's not valid, meaning that uh one of the daim is an idol worshipper. Okay? He's like that like it happened in Arizona where there was three dam, two of them were idol worshippers, Christian missionaries. So that's whoever converted there is not a Jew. It's not a valid conversion. or if the person, you know, a uh really does uh you know, he doesn't they don't take on mitzvot. Meaning, they say to the bed, "Yeah, I'm going to do everything, but they don't intend on doing anything. They're they're already driving on Shabbat the next Shabbat. That's not a valid conversion. Even though you fool them, it's not a valid conversion. You could fool the but you can't fool. But again, it's it's it's it's not a if a person took on the mitzvot and even they took on the first week of the mitzvot and even if they became secular two weeks later, they're still a Jew. A bad Jew, terrible Jew, stupid one, too. For doing that, they were better off not not converting, you were allowed to drive. Why are you converting? You were allowed to drive on Shabbat before. You were allowed to eat pig before. Now you're eating pig and you're getting sinned. Like, why? Why would you do that to yourself? So once you accept it, you accept it. But it's a for a person to come back two years later say, "No, I didn't mean to." You know, you it's you don't believe it. Yeah. >> But it was in their heart. So no one really knows whether they did or not because it goes through what they do in their heart. My question is what what happens like let's say that person converted and he or she doesn't teach but is the conversion really >> no it's based on based on actual practice if let's say for example she converted on Thursday and the Shabbat that comes comes up, she doesn't want to keep it, she's not keeping it, then her conversion is not valid. But if she keeps it, even if she's I'm still not sure 100%, but she keeps the mitzvot, conversion is valid. >> And then whatever, >> if she if she if she decides to violate the second, third Shabbat, fourth Shabbat, and so on, then she's just an idiot. >> Why? Because people I'll tell you I'll I'll tell you I'll tell you guys a story. There was someone that asked me to convert them. And anyone that I uh you know that I try to guide knows that I don't just simply convert people like a supermarket. If some if I see that somebody's going to be a good Jew, if I see somebody that's going it's good for them, it's good for and I'm more than happy to help in whatever way I can. I don't charge for it. It's not a money maker for me or anything like that. It's more more of a headache to me than anything else. But I do it because it's it's good to bring good people to AmIGG. And somebody asked me to convert and I decided that they're not going to they're not ready. They're not uh you know they're not someone that uh should convert for different reasons. And uh they decided to go to somebody else and they convinced that somebody else that they should convert. Now, even though I knew this person really well and I knew the situation firsthand, there somebody else decided that they could just simply ignore what I said and convert the person. Why? They thought they're doing a mitzvah. Look, they're so nice to this. They're that, right? Why not do a mitzvah? Bring more Jews to the world, right? No. Well, guess what? The person converted, married a secular Israeli, and now they're both eating pig on a daily basis. So, what did you do? You did. No, you did. You created a problem. And guess what? Everything falls on that on that rabbi. Why? He shouldn't have stuck his nose where it wasn't supposed to be. Now again a person has to understand that whatever sins this person makes obviously goes on them but whoever vouches for them also carries a responsibility. So you can't just you can't just be nice and say I'll be nice and I'll help people convert. I'll be nice and I'll help people go through this. You can't just be nice. You have to understand that there is there are consequences that if they convert and they're not really someone that should convert, you would be doing them a disfavor by converting them. You're not doing them a favor. You're hurting them by converting them because if they're going to not convert, they'll go back to their life and do whatever it is that they want to do or they'll decide to do chuva and get more prepared to be really uh to to live a Jewish life. But to just simply convert them just because you want to be nice to them or just because they give you $1,500 or $15,000, that's not doing them a favor because yesterday they were allowed to drive on Shabbat. Yesterday they were allowed to eat pig, even two of them. Yesterday they were allowed to uh to to marry whoever they want. Yesterday they were they were able to do a lot of different things that you're not allowed to do as a Jew. So the moment he or she became a Jew, they now have acquired a bunch of laws they don't want to keep. So now all you're doing is magnifying the punishment that we're not even going to get in the first place. if she would have married uh you know Jose or Ahmed or Ahmed and his brother it wasn't a problem yesterday but today that she's doing it as a Jew that's a very serious problem it's a very serious she didn't do her a favor so that's what people don't understand it's not just like oh yeah listen let's be nice let's just convert everyone in kumbaya it's it's a responsibility and and I think that sometimes people get blinded either by money or by simply this this uh I don't know whatever just being naive that uh everyone should be it's not not everyone should should convert and not everyone shouldn't convert there are certain people that you could motivate them to convert because they're good people they just perhaps self-conscious or perhaps they they think they need to do a lot more than what they really need to do so you can motivate them but there's plenty of people that uh should not convert because they don't actually want to live a Jewish life. They may like Jewish customs. They may like Jewish people. They may like Jewish food. But it doesn't mean they need to be Jewish. Like sometimes we have we have no hides students of mine come over here. They they eat the food, they enjoy it, and guess what? They're not converting. Maybe one day they will, maybe they won't. But either way, they're welcome to they're allowed to eat the food. just because you eat the food doesn't mean you have to become Jewish. So that's the thing like sometimes people people make uh make mistakes and uh this is a mistake that's very costly. So I think that on one end the there are certain parts of the conversion system that make it very very difficult for people. They're too harsh. They're too expensive. In some cases, they're too lengthy, but in other cases, there is the complete polar opposite of it where they make it too easy, like the door is wide open for everyone like Kumbaya come, you know, like uh like like it's it's Islam and and and Christianity. It has to be a balance between the two. Now I obviously have spoken about this in the past where you know the uh the Syrian community still holds on to their belief that not to accept uh converts which is a very very big mistake for them. Uh not because they uh they need to accept converts uh and all of a sudden go against their rabbis. Uh it's not that uh and it's not even the fact that it's you know 36 times in the Torah it says that you have to love the convert. It's rather what they don't realize is that many people in their community end up living with a non-Jew without having any like any desire whatsoever to change it because they know they don't want to leave this non-Jewish person and they know that if they convert them it won't help their situation anyway where while they're dating the non-Jewish girl, they could go to synagogue, they're accepted. If they convert her, they both get kicked out. Like, that type of logic shows you how warped this logic is. Like, if he's dating a Goya, listen, they'll even give him an aliyah. Come get an aliyah. Nobody checks into his life. Why? He's not married. He has a girlfriend, doesn't have a girlfriend, nobody asks, nobody cares. But if they find out he's now married a convert, that's it. You can't uh you can't go to our schools, you can't uh get an aliyah, it's like it's like, so what happens? A lot of guys in the Syrian community come to me. Can you help me? Uh what can I do? Why? Cuz their rabbis, you know, can't help them. And guess what? They don't know what to do with it. Like listen, I have to decide between the girl and the community. It's easier for many of them to just simply do what? Nothing. they still want to go without converting. Why? Because they can still go to shul. They can still be part of the community. And so it's a it's a it's a it's a upside down logic. They don't realize the the uh uh the outcome of this decision. It's not that oh you're not getting converts into your community and you're missing out on all the fun. It's not that. I think I don't know for whatever reason or another sometimes converts like have this desire to go into the Syrian community. I don't know why you would do that to yourself. why any convert would want to go to the Syrian community. You're not wanted. Like it's like it's like me going to a place where they say they have a poster of my face and say we don't want him. Why would you go to a place you're not wanted? But for whatever reason or another converts have this desire to to be part of the Syrian community. I don't know why. But the point is is that it's a when a community has something like this, they're thinking, "Yes, we're protecting our community from intermarriage. Logically, it's supposed to work. Logically, it's supposed to work. Why? You're only allowed to marry each other." Only allowed to marry each other. Logically, supposed to work. But what can we do that we don't live in that in that kind of world? We live in a world where the way to communicate and the way to commute has expanded drastically over the last h 100red years since this taka took place where a person can wake up in New York in the morning and end up in London by the afternoon. He could have relationships in 15 different cities if he really wants to. He could do transactions in every single bank internationally in a matter of seconds. So the the limitations that you had in the past that restricted you to that little community are no longer there. So that means that your kids Yes, they live in the community the in deal in Panama in uh in in uh you know in different parts of uh of of New York. No problem. But guess what? He is going elsewhere also. He is going to the nightclub. He is going to the casino. He is going to, I don't know, some uh some party. He is going to meet a bunch of other people. And if he is not connected to Hashem on a deep level, he's going to meet someone that's not Jewish. So to say, listen, it's okay if you date her, but not if you marry her and she converts. What are you saying to the guy? You're saying to the guy, listen, go date her. Date whoever you want. Just don't marry one. It's a stupid logic. So again, I'm not saying that there's a perfect solution for anything. I'm not saying that there is a uh uh easy solution for anything, but I think that the uh the collateral damage that's happening from it is much more than people realize. Uh I know I understand that they believe that this is protecting their community. Uh uh and uh to some regards it is, but it's not as much as they think. It's not as much as they think. So either way, converts are sometimes the greatest people you'll ever meet. And sometimes they're not. But that's everybody. That's everybody. That's converts, non-converts, that's natural-born Jew, Jew, from Jew, secular Jew. That's everybody. There's a uh there's there's pluses and minuses in everybody. And we all try to be a plus. Yeah. about. >> Yeah. >> What is the after elaborate? Do you cut them off? You start not talking to them. You allow them to talk to you and then take care of it. yourself or you realize that you're being affected by >> Oh, it depends. It depends a case by case basis. It can't it's not a one-sizefits-all because if you it's a one-sizefits-all, you'll either cut off everybody or you'll accept everybody. There's no oneizefits-all. It has to be case by case basis. It depends what that person what value that person brings to your life. If the person brings more value to your life than negativity to your life, then it's worth it to keep that person and just simply try to improve the relationship. But if the person is a constant and all they bring is negativity and and misery and and and stuff like that, then it's certainly better to uh move on to different relationship. So it depends. Not I don't think there's many people out there that always bring positive. Everybody brings their bag of chips, you know, everybody brings their, you know, so there's there's not not everybody has uh uh always uh something nice to say. But again, you have to decide whether there's more pluses than minuses. >> Yes. >> Business sales and all that stuff. I question related regards to that area. How much each move you should do in in a sales job where you know they do a big emphasis on role playing practicing the script rebuttals and all that stuff like how much you should >> okay so if you're in business in so many words whether you're in sales or you are in anything else how much you going to do it this going to be the last question of the night because we have to do the uh the special prayers for the sadik that's I'm going to have tomorrow. We brought some parts of the Z that we're going to read together. But uh this is a very important question. How much should you do in your job? Especially if you are involved in sales, in marketing, in interaction with people. Um you have a certain amount of hours that you need to work. Let's just say your schedule of working is 9 to5. Okay, let's just say you have eight hours. I am 100% sure that you need to be at full force during those 9 to5 hours. Meaning, put in all of your effort to be the best you possibly can be at that job. Which means if you need to uh you know work on yourself as far as the way you communicate, write down what you're going to say before you say it, write rebuttals, practice your speech, look at yourself in the mirror, all types of training that you need to do in order to become better at your job, then yes, you need to do it. Why? Because one of the things that the boss is paying you for is for your best. He's not paying for your worst. He's paying for your best. And that's part of your east loot. That's part of your east loot is to be your best, to do the best you possibly can during those hours. After those hours, you're done. You're done. Meaning, there's no need for you to uh work overtime every single day for an extra three hours. And there's no need for you to uh to do anything. During those hours, be the best you possibly can be. Try your best, you know, try different tactics, practice, get guidance, get a mentor, get a partner, you know, all types of different strategies that people have to do the best they possibly can. But, you know, to to uh after that, you're finished. But leave your leave your job at your job. But I don't believe that a person say, "Listen, I'm just going to be there. I'm going to answer the phone and I'm going to say, "Hi, can I help you?" And if he says I'm going to buy him, I say, "Okay, thank you." And I'll put it like a, you know, it doesn't work that way. You have to you have to exert a a certain amount of effort in every job. It's and a uh and if you want to succeed in something, it's you have to put properoot. Properloot doesn't mean work over time non-stop. Properoot means take advantage of the time that you're doing it with maximum effort. Max that's the same concept when you learn when you learn to even if let's say for example you have 15 minutes to learn 15 minutes all you have you have 15 minutes to learn during those 15 minutes shut off everything and just focus on the 15 minutes so you can get the best you possibly can during those 15 minutes. So I think that if a person does their maximum uh uh ability they'll uh they'll open themselves up for uh for much bigger success. Not because their ability will become so much better, but rather because they'll be uh you know using the right amount of uh uh effort for for what's necessary. Meaning it's there it's the proper amount of because the reality is a person can say listen if I just sit there and answer the phone if I have then everything is going to work out. Yes. But that's really if you have that level of bet. If you don't have that level of beton, then no, it's not going to work. How do you know if you have that level of bet? Simple. If it doesn't work, are you worried? If it doesn't work, if the guy doesn't buy, are you worried? If you're worried, then you don't have the right meaning. What does it mean if you have means you're never worried? Whether he buys or he doesn't buy doesn't affect you. you say so since you know that if he doesn't buy you're going to be worried then exert the maximum amount of effort and therefore you'll know I did the best I can and Hashem still decided no I'm absolved from from anything else why I did the best I can I can't I'm not expected to do more than I can I'm not in charge of the outcome I'm in charge of the maximum effort I'm in charge of trying to learn as much as possible during those 15 minutes, during that one hour, whether I understand it, remember it, can recite it. It's not my that's not up to me. I can try my best. Whether Hashem reminds me of it later on in the show or not, that's not up to Hashem will decide that. I'm going to try my best. So that's Yes, you have. Right. >> So the there's a short answer and a long answer. The short answer is that there is and then there's believing that Hashem runs the world means that you believe that whatever Hashem gave you whether it's millions and millions of dollars in the bank and good health and happiness and everything or not as much money and not as much as you need and so on. Regardless, whatever he gave you, that's the best possible outcome that you can get at this moment. If he wanted to give you more, he would give you more. If he wants, if he doesn't want to give you more, he wouldn't have given you what he's given you. Soon is not that I have confidence that he's going to give me more. Is I have confidence that whatever Hashem gave me, that's the best for me right now. That's what is. So the short answer is that we have to work on ourselves to get to a point where we accept whatever Hashem gives us that this is the best. that even though according to my math I need another $200. According to my math I didn't pay this bill. But guess what? If Hashem didn't give me those $200, that means that for this moment, this is the best outcome. What's going to happen five minutes from now, five hours from now, tomorrow, next week, that's something else. But at this moment, Hashem did not want to pay this bill. And that's the best thing for me right now. That's is accepting everything that we have as difficult as it is that this is the best that Hashem knows better than I do and he chose the best thing for me. What is it like? Let's say I want to go from here to New York. Okay. Now, logically speaking, according to all the technology that we have today, I have multiple ways of getting there. I've used this example many times. I can use a uh JetBlue airplane. I could use a uh private jet for $25,000 an hour. I could use a helicopter. I could use a boat. I could use a motorcycle. I could use a a car. Now, you could fly with the car. I have a bunch of different options. And if I have a lot of time to burn, I could ride a bicycle and I'll probably lose about 50 pounds on the way. Or if I really really want to go, I'll swim there. Theoretically speaking, I could do that. I could walk there, right? Those are all options. Now, if I lost all my money, then some of those options are no longer available. I can't get the private jet. I can't even get the jet blue. I can't get the helicopter. I can't get the boat. A bunch of options are gone. But what I have left is still the bicycle, walking, swimming. That's what I have left. Now, if my bicycle got stolen, I did something in the b I left the bicycle at some library and then and they uh they stole it from there. Now, I no longer have that option. Now, I only have two options left. I can swim, I can walk there. Life is the same concept. Akadosh wants to get us from point A to point B. Where you are in your life right now to where he wants you to be. Every time you take a certain action, you are either adding possibilities or removing them. Every time we say I believe everything is possible, Hashem, because you are in charge, we are adding possibilities. We don't need to know what those possibilities are. Why? He doesn't have a limit. Just like the Baltov was able to make the dead cow talk and bite the guy's finger in the story that we said earlier today. That's according to nature. It's not supposed to work that way. But when you are not limiting Hashem to your limitations, the more you have the more possibilities you have. Now the less we have, the less we have ine the more we are disconnected from hem. That means the less options we have. Now we lost the plane. Now we lost the uh motorcycle. Now we lost the boat. We lost all of the different possibilities from getting to point A to point B. So now after we've made all of the different decisions we've made, we now have out of let's say a 100 possibilities, we have five left. Out of those five left, Hashem will pick the best one. And you say, well, why didn't he pick one of the other ones? It wasn't available anymore. our actions removed and deleted those other options. But you did have five. And out of the five, he picked the best one, which if out of those five was not paying that $200 bill was the best choice, then guess what? That's what he's picking. Now, you're saying, "Wait, but how could it be not to pay the $200 be the best choice?" Because guess what? The other choices were worse. The other choices available were worse. Soon is believing that whatever Hashem gave me is the best possible choice out of the choices that I have available to me. This is the short answer. The long answer is I have a series called it has 19 lectures, one after another, each one different than the other. It's a playlist on my YouTube or my my app. Highly recommended. I have students that I've recommended this to and literally every one of them tells me they just simply watch it on a regular basis. meaning they go 1 2 3 5 all the way 19 they go back to the end at the beginning go one why they say every time I listen to it I get something else and it's all practical day-to-day stuff that everyone needs with especially if you're dealing with you're struggling some people are struggling with health some people are struggling with marriage some people are struggling with money everybody has a certain struggle that sometimes they just need somebody to tell them what am I going to do with this so that series addresses all of those day-to-day day struggles and it's something everyone needs in the says that there are certain things that always need meaning it doesn't matter whether you're bal you're a convert you're a rabbi you're from from birth you're 80 you're eight doesn't make a difference there certain things that always need one of them is why this is a a spiritual muscle that needs constant exercise so these things a lot of the things that you hear and probably what you heard is all common sense that you probably know part of it. But sometimes we just need that reminder. I knew that, but you know what? I forgot. You know what? I didn't think about that. I know it, but I didn't think about it. So sometimes that little bit of reminder, that's all you need. That's all you need. You know what? Okay. No, it's going to carry me till tomorrow. And but you get another sh. Oh, it's another day. And each one of these uh shortim gives you the to go through it and you'll see how your life gets better as a result of it. Okay, we're going to do the uh special prayer for the Tadik tomorrow. Thank you very much for coming school. Anyone that wants to support can donate on the website.org or bhttora.org and uh we're going to see each other uh tomorrow for anyone that's coming to the mil and we'll have another uh tomorrow also but uh another one on Wednesday. >> [music] >> Hey, hey, hey. >> [music] [music] >> Heat. Heat. >> [music]