The Seder - Wednesday Night Women’s Shiur

Okay, tonight's share is for for [cough] [clears throat] I want to start with a with a um thought about preparing for PES which we're all you know deep into Pesak preparation and and then to move on to the seder to talk about something some kind [clears throat] um perspective on the seder. [cough] Okay, I heard a hur this past Shabas that was very it impacted me a lot. It was very very meaningful to me. Um it's fascinating that para's vayra starts with hashem calling vayikra el mo and rashi says that the truth is that every single time Hashem spoke to Mosa it was preceded by a calling Moshe meaning that Hashem in a loving way every time he wanted to speak to Moshe >> [clears throat] >> said to like my beloved Misha and Moshe responded >> I'm here I'm ready I'm ready to take this on and and this far say that you see from here that whenever Hashem has a commandment for us. Whenever Hashem has a mitzvah for us, whenever Hashem has a mission for us, Hashem is calling us to that mission. Like Maisha, Hashem is calling us by name with love, summoning us, giving us the opportunity to participate in Malus Shine, the the opportunity to participate in serving him. And we have an opportunity to respond to that by saying heni. Now that doesn't mean that we say heni the word heni necessarily but rather with our actions and with our emotions and with our attitudes we express heni. You know, when a person is schley and in a bad mood and reluctant and forgets and so on, it's hard to hear the heini. You know, when you tell your son to clear off the table and then you come back an hour later and it's food is still there, so you remind him again like, "Oh, I forgot." Okay. And then you come back a little later and he took a took a a a cup off the table. You're like, you know, there's another hundred items on the table. Whatever it is, you're not hearing. And don't worry, he'll grow up. I'm not, you know, but you're not hearing he. You're not hearing that. But if when you say, "Can you do something?" by the time the words are out of your mouth, he's like, "Of course." There's a certain he like he's getting it done. He's focused. He's interested. So, I heard this amazing thing. We talked about this a few weeks ago. So this is like a little bit of an addition to something we spoke about a few weeks ago. We spoke about the k. We spoke about that the k is a vessel that was used for the kahan to wash their hands and feet before they served in the basikdash. And we talked about the of the k that it doesn't really belong in the basikt. It's a preparation. Remember we talked about the kitchen of the hall. You remember that? It's like it's not it's not really it's just the chandeliers don't have to be hanging in the kitchen. But we [clears throat] said but with the K it's not that way. It was this beautiful copper sink as one of the kaum of the bas mikd. And we understood from there that preparing for a mitzvah making oneself ready to fulfill a mitzvah is also part of the mitzvah. This shabus I heard something that blows that up to to another level. Okay. [cough] So we know where the Kier came from, right? You all know that the Kia was made out of the women's mirrors. They used to use polished metal as mirrors and they had copper mirrors and they donated their mirrors to Misha Rabenu to make the K. Okay, you know, I didn't mention that in the share last time, but I assume that all of you know that. And what's what's meaningful about that is that a mirror is also used for preparation. Interesting. No. So a mirror that's used for preparation created the kali which is used for preparation. How big was the k? >> It's huge. >> Is that what it says in the Torah? Make a huge k. >> No, it gives specific. >> It does not, >> doesn't it? >> No. You know it does not say a size. How much copper do you need? We're collecting copper. How Oh, how much do you need? I don't know. How much do we need? Doesn't say. The aro we know exactly its dimensions. The schulan, we know its dimensions. The misbeh the the you know the roof we know its dimensions. Everything we know it dimensions. How big was the k doesn't say. Isn't that interesting? >> As big as >> it talks about the feet on on the body. Oh, so the Evanzra says that the k you know what the size of the kia was? As many mirrors as get donated to the mishkan. That's interesting. No, it's a little it could have been enormous. Yeah, it's it's interesting that it was like it was like um it was like a little backwards. Like usually we say this is what we need, you know, when we do a fundraiser, right? So we do this is as much this is what it costs to run the schul. This is what it costs to to do this seduck. We're raising money for someone's surgery. This is how much the surgery costs. Right? And then we try to raise money because that's the need. We don't ever do a fundraiser like we're raising money. So how much money do you need? I don't know how much we're going to raise. Usually that's backwards. Usually we have an something that we need. So the caim and the bas were specific needs. The ker wasn't that way. The k was unlimited. You know why? Because the kia represents preparing ourselves for the mitzvah. It's not the mitzvah itself. It's preparing ourselves. And preparing is infinite. Preparing is the passion, the excitement, the motivation. There's no shear for those things. Those are things that as large as your heart grows preparing for a mitzvah, Hashem will take it all. Hashem was mab all of it. Hashem's like, "Okay, you're prepared. That's enough." No. All of the excitement and all of the yearning and all of the the the put in, Hashem is all of that is part of the mitzvah. So, um, so maybe you're going to put three matzah on your sedar table. Even if you're super excited, please don't put four, okay? because the mitzvah is to have three according to the mitzvah to have two. Um, and we're going to have two sedar here in Please don't make a third sedar. Even though there are three nights, please, if you're in the mood, please don't make a third sedar because the mitzvah is to have two. And even if you say, "But even after two, I want to singal again. I want to praise Hashem again. I want to thank Hashem again. I'm not done." I'm sorry, but the mitzvah is two nights, not three nights. But when it comes to the passion and the love and the emotion and the that goes into preparing into the the the foundation that you lay for the mitzvah as big as you make it, Hashem will take it all. So that's what Sak said this explanation on Shabas. It was unbelievable. And the way he said it was he said to us, "How long does it take to eat the matzah that you need to eat?" He said, "Don't take too long. I have to do it within a few minutes. But you could spend hours preparing to eat that matzah, right? Or days. Sadik would spend a month preparing for that mitzvah. So I think it's a valuable thing. I discussed this with the with the men last night, you know, at length. I want to get on to other topics in this share. Last night I made this entire topic of the share. But you know the the women of Kalis are working hard getting ready for Yantiff. Many women are cooking and preparing for Yantiff. Many women are cleaning their houses. And even those that are going away for Yantiff are packing and shopping and trying to think of what all the kids need and trying to work it all out. And there's a lot of kayak that goes into it. And it's important to know that is there from it and appreciating all the toil and and hopefully that could help us feel positive in in doing it and a certain joy. This is also part of the sometimes we feel like we're in that you know the the the not fancy kitchen part of right the preparation. It's the not pretty part you know before people Instagram pictures of their seder table which which it does not say in that you should do it says to have a very pretty pes table but it does not say any of Instagramming that table but but before the pretty pes table comes all the work that leads up to that seder table and sometimes we feel like all of that is just like the unsung part of it that's the part before that's like I'm just stuck doing that stuff to try to get there. And I think that this idea about the k and this elisha that every mitzvah calls to us and when we prepare for y with our heart and soul that's our heni that's our saying hashem you have a job for me and I am ready I am preparing myself I'm preparing my home I'm preparing my family I'm getting ready to do this mitzvah. So you know I I told Mrs. felt. This is our last year before before um before Yantiff, of course, besides for the Shabas next Shabas. Um but I wanted to at least mention a little bit about preparing for PES, this concept of trying to prepare with with all of our Gishmak with all of you know with with with yearning. I was thinking about the um you know I was thinking about those mirrors and I was envisioning this young Kala getting ready for her looking in the mirror as she prepares herself for a thinking about how much and how much joy and how much anticipation is is how did that mirror absorb how much yearning did that mirror see and I was thinking that belongs all on the k because we channel all of that to our same kind of preparing ourselves and looking forward to meeting with Hashem and looking forward to being with Hashem and looking forward to deepening our relationship with Hashem. It's interesting, right? That's our preparing. That's our looking in the mirror. Okay. So, let me let me talk a little bit about the um about the seder itself. And the seder is a big job. You know, there's a mitzvah to teach children the story of the Hagada. That's mostly the the father's mitzvah, but the the all the mitzvah of the night apply to to women as well. And participating in the seder is sometimes challenging. Whether you're the one making the seder or even if you're the one attending the seder, it's challenging. You know, um they don't teach us about this in yeshiva where like what to do when your wife has to leave the seder to feed the baby and then she has to leave again because the baby didn't go to sleep and then she has to leave again because he woke up a second time and then she has to leave again because now the other baby woke up, right? And that that it's very hard to find that in it's there. Don't worry, they've been doing it for three three and a half thousand years. But but it's [clears throat] a challenge and and the ability that women have to try to stay plugged into the seder even if sometimes you know sometimes it means skipping part of the hagada and and trying to jump in and making sure that you did all the important parts and and all of that and you know and it is important to know and to try to clarify before look what do I have to do and what do I not have to do you know that that's that's a good idea to have clear but this is the Um this is the beauty of the of the way that women spend the seder taking care of their families and plugging into the beauty of its mit and the two are connected because it's thanks to that we have the beautiful families we have it's also part of our celebration. Um, one of the moments of the Hagada that kind of lays out the plan for the night is the four sons. The four sons. The four sons reminds us that there's no one sizefits all, right? That that's mish, the message. And why we say why do we say that? It's very clear. Here the Tyra is telling us straight out this is not you don't need Rabbi Kish for this. This is the we need Rab Kish but we don't need him for this. Okay, it's very clear that each child needs their own because that's what it says in the right. Is there any other way to understand that? Why do we say by there are four kinds of children? You want to tell me now if there how many kinds of trees there are like why are you saying that? Clearly it's the night of telling the story of the sedar. It's the night of teaching our children amuna and the hagada is cautioning us to be aware of our children. It's clear. [cough] I want to share with you an idea from the that h that's it's a it's a profound and clear idea but there's also a depth underneath it and it's the kind of idea that's very very practical for us ultimately in being mak our children. Okay. So the the um so the hagada describes four children right the questions of each one of the four children. How many answers are there? Four answers. No, there are three answers because we give the same answer to the Russia and to the Alisha. Let me explain the he's the one who's interested. The is interested. He's curious, you know, he's he's involved and [snorts] and the asks for all the details. He wants to know all the halas. What's the answer? All the right. We get into it with him. That's a long seder. You know, that's a that's a deep involved seder. All the Russia The Russia says, "What on earth are you doing?" Is that basically the Russia? What on earth are you doing? The shammy adds to the Russia's question like what are you doing? That's the Russia says, right? Right. He removed removes himself from the cl [cough] um I don't know how my phone was on not on silent. Um what do we answer him the I was saying thei says that the like why are we working so hard why are we burdening ourselves it's the opposite of my heini that I was just talking about what I resent all this what do we answer him we answer him tough we answer him that um because of this ability this to do mitzvah hashem took me out of me. He took me out of because I'm interested in doing these things. Had you been there, you may not have made it out of Mit, right? Leave. Now, there is a it's important people especially man get a little bit caught off guard that we're so tough on the Russia, right? You know, it doesn't that's where we need Ra Kish. Like it was so we're so tough on the Russia. But I I like to point out that there's actually a message there that's an unbelievably loving message. Is this Russia part of Kal Israel? Is he? He is. We tell the Russia if you would have been there you wouldn't have come out. But you weren't there. your forefathers were here and they wanted this and that's why you're part of Kali Israel. You realize that? So there's something incredibly loving and embracing that we tell the Russia the way you're acting. You don't really belong part of the cl but you're grandfathered in. Literally that that is the term grandfathered in. And you still have a chance and you could still join us and be part of this. You're not excluded. You can't exclude yourself. There's nothing you could do. You cannot lose your membership to this club. you're oh, you'll always be a member. That's something beautiful there, right? But anyway, we tell we definitely speak strongly to the Russia. There maybe it's a layered strongly, but we speak strongly to the Russia. But the PK that we tell the Russia is then comes the Tam. The Tam the simple child says maz what is all this? So we understand that as a simpler he's also he's interested. We caught his attention. He's curious about what's going on here. He wants to know why we keep taking the food away and and we're talking so much before we eat. He's trying to figure out what's going on here. He sees there are strange foods on the table. He wants to understand it. And we answer him simply [snorts] saying was with with tremendous strength Hashem took our forefathers out of Mr. He asks a simple question and we give him a simple answer. The one that doesn't know how to ask. So he doesn't have a question. He doesn't ask a question. >> So we have to approach him and say hey I got to tell you something. Now I want to point out that regardless of the pictures that you might have in your hagada um is sometimes the baby or something. I don't know. No, >> right illustrations. It's terrible. It's terrible. It's not it's not maybe it's describing the inner child. I don't know. Maybe. I don't know. We could see. But uh but the it's not the is not unwise. He could be very wise. He's not interested. He's not He doesn't know to ask. It doesn't mean that he's like so dumb that he doesn't know to ask. That's not what it means. It means that all this stuff is going on and he doesn't feel connected with it. It's not inspire. It's not waking up his curiosity. He's not saying what is going on here. He doesn't realize that his life depends on this. He doesn't realize how important this is. He doesn't realize how meaningful it is. He doesn't realize how enriching it could be. This is something we suffer from as manaza. You know that that children, teenagers and and many times adults have their whole Yiddish kite, this whole vibrant Yiddish kite, but they just don't realize how precious it is and how important it is and how vital it is and they just skim over it without taking an interest and being curious. So we need to tell the the the Hashem took us out of Mit. So we should live this life. This is our everything. So what do we tell the familiar? It's the same answer as the >> Russia. Interesting. Four sons, three answers. The gets his answer, the T gets his answer, but the Russia and the Alish only get the same answer. There's a little bit of a different nuance. We'll get to that later. But they use we use the same PK. Four sons, three answers. Why? Interesting, right? It's amazing how many times you could read the and not notice it. You know, we actually say that another two times in the you can look out for it. So the pashad is like this. This is the understanding. It's very very profound. There are two conditions to telling the story of one is that you tell the story to another person to tell the story. Okay? If someone's eating the seder alone, they're not able to do that mitzvah. But the mitzvah is to tell the story to another person. You know, in its in its In its most pure form, it's to tell it to your children. Not everyone eats the seder with their children. Not everyone has children. So, you tell it to your spouse, you tell it to your friend, you tell it to your neighbor, you tell it to or you listen to it from the people that you're with. There's this telling. That's what we do. We get together and we we have this conversation about the um [cough] about the about matry. But there's another part of it and that is that we specifically do it in a manner of question and answer. We're very into questions. The night of it, right? We always want the child's children to ask the children to ask, right? Many of us reward our children when they ask a question. We want questions. Questions and answers. You could tell a story to someone without any questions or not or they don't have to ask a question. But those are the two things. Tell the story to someone and answer questions. Get questions and answer questions. Right? Make sense? Okay. The has a question is intense and we answer him intense. We teach him all the of the [snorts] he has his question. Question and answer, right? That's also a question. We answer it. Hashem didn't need him and took us out of the we're not able to do the question and answer thing with him. He doesn't have a question. So we do the the other part that we can which is we tell the story to him but we we're not getting a question right? You agree we're not getting he's not getting a question. We can't do the question and answer part but we can tell him the story. So we have our narrative and we tell it to despite the fact that he didn't ask a question. Now I'm my question to you is did the Russia ask a question? So on the surface you like he asked a question. What are you doing? If you were the one who was hearing the Russia say would you feel like someone asked you a question? That's not a question. It's it's a critique and a late sus that's disguised as a question. You know, sometimes people say a hurtful thing like I'm just asking. I'm just Are you always so stupid? I'm just asking. I'm just a question. LIKE THAT'S NOT A QUESTION, RIGHT? Very manipulative people sometimes, you know, they can, you know, is the Russia asking seriously the Russians asking a question? No, he's bashing. I don't want to do this. I'm not interested in this. So that's also not a question. says Rhutner, when children ask questions, we can cater our answer to their questions. So that's why the gets one answer and the tom gets another answer. But when the children aren't asking questions, so then it's harder to design the right answer for each child because we're not learning from their question of exactly what they need. So we give them the narrative. We tell them the story. Okay. Interesting. So I thought that was such an important thing because because it shows how important it is that we listen well when our children talk to us. Even when they're just asking questions or expressing things, you see that when there are questions asked, there are carefully designed answers that answer that question. When there aren't questions asked, we have our our narrative, right? It's it's a different thing. If you speak and you're coming to speak to people and they didn't ask you anything, you have your speech. But if you're having a discussion, you're giving multiple speeches, right? Because you're responding to each nuance, to each to each thing. But the truth is that that the Russia and the Shaenia de Alicia, they really are asking a question. They just don't know it. They're not feeling the Russia and the Sha Alish aren't feeling the fire. They're not feeling the passion. They're not feeling the heni. They're not feeling that. The Russia's way of dealing with it is resentment. The deition's way of dealing with it is indifference. But they really are dealing with the issue that the there's no fire. And that's why they really do in a certain sense get the same answer. It's a little bit more nuanced. It's not exactly the same nuance to each one, but the answer is it was all about this. We came out of so that we could serve Hashem. So that we could serve Hashem. So that we could do Hashem's says on the words. All the miracles the whole world changed. Hashem turned over the entire world because to give us this to be able to serve him. And I think that in order to be able to give that answer, we have to be alive in that answer. We have to be feeling that the words aren't good enough. When we sit by the seder, just to be able to Oh, that was a good question. Let me see if I have it in my notes. That's not the answer that our children need. They can go to yeshiva for that. They don't need their parents for that. Their parents, which is the ones who gave them life, which are the ones that they're their everything, their parents are there to share with them that this is our everything. That this is the greatest that we have. That was just like unstoppable love for us on the night of the seder. that Hashem stopped and turned over the entire world. Created did things that are impossible in this world to take his nation out of Mitim because he wanted us to get the Tyra because he wants to be close to us. He wants to give us that opportunity to be close to him and we need to prepare for the seder not with the information. It's good to be prepared with information, but we have to be prepared. That's the work of our we have to be prepared that when we come to the sedar tired, exhausted that we're excited. It's easy to say, right? It's easy to say and in our hearts we're excited, but sometimes we just feel like we're managing the sedar. Some people unfortunately sometimes feel like they're surviving the sedar and that's not what the Alish and the Russia need, you know, [snorts] the the resentful child or the indifferent child. And it's not what the and the Tam need. They all need to be getting this message from us that this is our fire. The and the Tam have it already on some level. So, we're building on it. the Russia and the de they haven't absorbed that yet. But either way, it's our passion. It's our it's our gratitude to Hashem. Maybe that's something to do before the seder to spend a few minutes just thinking about how grateful we are to Hashem. Would you want to be part of that world out there? Would you want to be raising your children in that world out there? Would you want with that value system or with that lack of value system like we are so fortunate even in gulus even after 2,000 years of gullus we could still say how fortunate we are and that fire is what we need to give over by the seder the world has similar to what the world has done for Kanek is that the world has like co-opted PES. Pes is about freedom, right? It's about being free. The only issue, slight issue, and the secular world loves Passover because it's about freedom. But they have no idea what the word freedom means. They think that freedom means the ability to do whatever you want. That's not freedom. That's being a slave to something else. The ability to do whatever you want is being a slave to my impulses, slave to my desires. That's what it is. It's just another slavery. Free is a life that allows us to be who we were meant to be. Free is a life that brings our mid out that the journey that Hashem leads us on. Sometimes we resist. You know, sometimes Hashem is pulling us on a journey and we're like, "No, Hashem, I don't want to go there. No, let's make a left, not a right." You know, but who knows what we need and who takes us through our lives, the the the gishmach things and the difficult things so that we should be able to bring out who we need to be, what we came into this world to accomplish. If we can leave this world having accomplished what we came here to accomplish, that's free. That's fully actualized. That's that's that's leaving with a smile. That's that that's that's our goal. I had this um I told this to the boys today in yeshiva. I had this interesting conversation with one of my tal by the shabas table the shabas. Um he was asking me I don't remember exactly why he brought it up. I don't even know if I knew but he was asking me about like how a person could control themselves to get to sleep on time not to overeat like like you know the regular stuff that every human being is struggling with. You all look like Yeah. How? [laughter] So, so we we were talking about that and I had just learned something in one of Rabula's farm and it inspired me to give it over to him in this this way and I'm going to end with this. inspired me to say the following that um I'll tell the mantra I gave because there was a bottle of diet coke stand sitting in front of me when we were talking. So say I said to him let's say let's imagine that um that coke is bad for me. I don't think we have to imagine it, by the way. But let's say Coke is bad for me and it's I'm sitting there by the Shabas table and I have an ice cold bottle of Coke just opened just the way I like it. Okay. And I want it, but I know it's not healthy for me. So, I force myself not to have it. How do we think about that? We think about that that what was my rut sign? What did I want? I wanted the drink and then I forced myself not to do what I wanted. But is that really the case? Because the reality is that I don't want it. Right? If I think about it from my point of view, I don't want it. But my desire for good food is pushing me to do something that I don't want. And I'm becoming a slave to that desire. And when I choose not to drink it, I'm expressing freedom. It's really the opposite. It's really exactly the opposite. If I was [laughter] able to, excuse me, to truly design what I should be eating and eat what I should eat and never eat what I end up eating. That's tremendous freedom. That means that my stomach stopped telling me what to do and I'm now doing what I want TO DO. WHO'S THE EYE? MY I'm not my stomach. I'm my sel. But we live in a world, this is true, right? We live in a world where it's shifted around like I want to sleep. I have to get up. No, my body wants to sleep. I want to get up. We have to shift the way we think about it. And that's very relevant to the way we think about freedom. Freedom isn't I'm an animal. I do whatever I want. That's not freedom. That means you're a slave to your body. You're a slave to your impulses. You're a slave to the smallest part of you. Freedom is I get to connect with Hashem. I get to live a life of aristocracy. I get to bring out all of my I get to rise higher and higher. That's freedom. The thing that prevents me from doing that is being mishabi. When we are grateful to Hashem on the night of the s that we are free, we're grateful for the ability to stand by her and to get 613 commandments. That's our freedom. And that's just the beginning. 613 because there are and all kinds of men hug him and all kinds of other stuff and we tell we love it. We're so grateful to Hashem. He separated us from the he gave him gave us his we celebrate the freedom of being able to serve Hashem, not the freedom of being able to do what we want. And it's important that we repeat this because this is not the world we live in. You know, there's going to be some Orthodox group that's going to go to the White House before Pes on Pes, you know, right? I don't know who, but you know that's going to happen, right? It's going to be in the YAD and in the Hamodia and and if yeshiva world ever gets back put back up, it'll be on Yeshiva world. Okay. They went to the White House and the president or the chief of staff or the whatever it is is going to say this is doesn't matter if you're Republican or Democrat. is every administration like they so identify with the Jewish value of freedom. No, they don't. No, they don't. Because our value of freedom is that um is that we learn Tyra and we do mitzvah and we don't violate what our wants us to do. And that from the minute we open our eyes in the morning till the minute we close our mind our eyes at night, we are told what to do and we keep looking to find out exactly what to do because we really want to do what Hashem wants us to do. That's freedom. You tell that to the president. Okay? He wants to free Iran so they could all do many thousands of commandments. I don't think that's the way it goes. We we live in a world our sense of freedom is completely different than the world around us. To us, freedom is the freedom to serve. The freedom to serve. Those aren't words that go together usually in the English language, but it's the freedom to serve Hashem. It's the freedom to be his slave. I'm free. I get to be Hashem's slave. Right? Hashem says they are my servants. I took them out of time. I freed them. Now they get to be my servants. That's the freedom that we're excited about. So first of all, just to review, first of all, let's try to put the passion into our preparation as much as possible. Don't beat yourself up. It's a stressful time. But to put the passion into it to try to make our preparation for yanti act, excuse me, of heni. And second of all, let's look out for our children to try to understand what each one is asking. [cough] Sometimes we have to listen really well to understand what they're really asking and above all to give them over our passion for our yiddish kite to come to the seder happy and smiling which means a lot of looking the other way by the way. a lot of looking the other way and not being makit and and just being mat there's a lot of that and going to the sed but we need to do that or else the sedra ends up too stressful and it's hard you know kids are fighting like I'm trying to tell you the story forget about who's getting which pillow you know and finally let's embrace pes as a time to be truly truly free in the way that only a yid understands man's freedom. Hashem should give everyone the whole of and part of the freedom should be that we shouldn't have so many thousands of our brothers and sisters having to run to shelters at night multiple times a day and Hashem should send us back to a free and peaceful with a mikdash and aliel and we should be z to be able to be part of that beautiful journey of thousands and thousands of Jews heading to your shalim with our sheep so we could bring carbon to Hashem. Your husband will handle the sheep. Don't worry. But uh no, you can handle it, right? >> What? No. Um okay. Thank you. Thank you.