There Are No Mistakes - Wednesday Night Women’s Shiur

Parshas Balak, huh? As we head into the summer, we start getting to those parshas that [snorts] are stories and incidents that were a little bit less familiar with. We don't They don't teach them in at least I'm not in preschool. >> [snorts] >> I think we talk about this every year. Maybe the maybe that we should be discussing more that people make mistakes cuz that's really what Chodesh Bamidbar is about, about the mistakes. But there's an element in in Parshas Balak, huh? That I've been waiting for a while to mention. Um because it's based on a paragraph that I learned in Alei Shur when I was learning with my son about a year ago that [snorts] I found personally to be a tremendous chizuk for me. Like very calming and grounding and I wanted to share it with you. But then we we begin with the parsha. The parsha describes that in the second year, now let's just get our calendar straight, okay? They arrived at Har Sinai. They came out of Mitzrayim on the 15th day of Nissan, right? They crossed the Yam Suf 7 days later. Um the 50 days after or 51 perhaps days after they came out [snorts] of Mitzrayim, they received the Torah. Vav or Zayin Sivan a little complicated but around then they received the Torah. So that's Sivan, right? The second month of the first year out of Mitzrayim. And then Moshe Rabbeinu went up to get the Luchos and he came down on Shiv'ah Asar B'Tammuz. So that's already in the summertime. He found the Egel. He broke the Luchos. He went up again to ask Hashem for mechilah. He came down Rosh Chodesh Elul. >> [snorts] >> He came down the day before Rosh Chodesh Elul, actually. He went up again Rosh Chodesh Elul to get the second set of Luchos after he brought Shnei Luchos Avanim up to Shamayim with him, up the mountain with him, and he came down on Yom Kippur. Okay? The day after Yom Kippur, it's now already in Tishrei, right? They came out in Nissan, we're a half a year later. Okay? We're in Tishrei. It was Pesach time, now it's after Yom Kippur. And by the time Sukkos came, they started building the Mishkan, they finished building the Mishkan Chanukah time, they put it away in storage, and at the beginning of the second year that first Rosh Chodesh Nissan, they inaugurated the Mishkan. Okay? So, the Mishkan is inaugurated, it's now it's now less than 2 weeks before the anniversary of them coming out of Mitzrayim, right? Rosh Chodesh Nissan. And then, and here the parshiyos get a little mixed up, but then on the fifth before the 15th day of Nissan, >> [snorts] >> Hashem says it's time to make the Korban Pesach again, right? Second year. And then you have the whole story that there were people that were tamei, >> [cough] >> which we think we discussed >> [snorts] >> a while ago, and it actually was Pesach Sheini. People that are tamei and can't bring the Korban Pesach, and they were get told to bring it in Iyar. Okay? So, now we're up to Iyar. Now, so that's Iyar, right? The 15th day of Iyar. Okay? Now, on Rosh Chodesh Sivan, no, mistake. Rosh Chodesh Iyar, 2 weeks before that, Rosh Chodesh Iyar of the second year that they came out of Mitzrayim, Hakadosh Baruchu says it's time to count Klal Yisrael. And that's where Parshas Bamidbar begins. Okay? Hashem says it's time to count Klal Yisrael. >> [clears throat] >> The entire minyan of Klal Yisrael, the counting of Klal Yisrael that takes place in the beginning of [snorts] Chodesh Bamidbar takes place. And then an interesting thing happens in the end later on in Parshas Bamidbar, Hashem says that there are going to be flags, there are going to be degalim. And the shvatim are going to be situated around the Mishkan in a very specific pattern. Each shavet like the head shavet and the two side shvatim on each direction around the Mishkan. That whole the right the that the seder of the degalim. And then um And there the when the Torah is describing the degalim and describing that the camp will be set up this way when they are camped, but then when it's time to travel they will travel so then it talks about the numbers again. The psukim in Parshas Bamidbar say the numbers again. And all the numbers again. How who was in every shavet again. And the Ramban there asks in Parshas Bamidbar, why did you you just said a few psukim ago, literally a few psukim before, it lists all the numbers of all the shvatim and then it says the degalim and lists all the numbers of all the shvatim again. So the Ramban says that it's to be maramez to us that from the time that they did the count until the time that they traveled for the first time the number stayed exactly the same. Was it miraculous? The number stayed exactly the same. Okay? Meaning nobody died. Um How many days was it from the time they did the count till they traveled? So this week's parsha it says that on the 20th day of Iyar the anan went up and when the anan went up they knew that it was time to travel. So it was 20 days. It was about less than 3 weeks. And that that there was this status quo and the numbers of Klal Yisrael and then they started to travel. This has this Ramban has always bothered me because it's a unbelievable nice that the numbers stayed the same. It's reminiscent. I always think when I when I read this Ramban, I always think of the parallel little bit of a parallel nice in a sense that happened in the days of Rav Shimshon Raphael Hirsch because Rav Shimshon Raphael Hirsch in Frankfurt was part of the broader Jewish community. And there was a big big It was a big upheaval in German Jewry at that time. Rav Shimshon Raphael Hirsch had a shita that he should that the Orthodox Jewish community should separate from the broader Jewish community at large because he did not want to work in association with the Conservative or Reform or whatever it was at the time. And he separated out from the Jewish community. And at the time that was a very [clears throat] very very serious decision. And there were gedolei oilam that disagreed with him very strongly. And he separated out because of his shitas about this. It's much more complex than I'm saying it now and than I even know. You know, all of his reasons and there were a lot of letters back and forth. But it wasn't just like, "Okay, I'm going to go make my own community." It wasn't just like that. Like I'm going to separate out from the Jewish community and make my own community. It wasn't just that. It was much more than that. It was the the Jewish community it was a legal thing. It was like part of the government. It was a it had official legal standing, in community. And it had a cemetery, and it had all these um you know, this whole structure. And when Rav Shamshon Raphael Hirsch separated out his few mispalelim to make their own community, >> [snorts] >> they lost that whole structure including their Beis Hakvaros. They did not have a place to bury. And for the I don't know how long it was, but for the entire time from the time he separated out until he secured a Beis Olam, nobody in his kehilla was nifter. That's what they say. So, I don't know how you know, I don't know what the age is and how many people it was, I don't know, but it's just an interesting thing that they say. >> They're in the new part of the main Jewish cemetery. >> And that must be why. That must be why it's new. >> Yeah. I mean >> So, um so that's interesting. >> Yeah. >> So, you know, he was one of the >> to the >> Yeah, [snorts] it's interesting. Interesting. I have to look again at the you know, the the the the books to get all the details of that, but I just remember that story. But in any event, but when it comes to this Ramban, it doesn't seem to like with Rav Shamshon Raphael Hirsch, I could see a good reason for such a thing to happen. Cuz he was a serious nefesh, he separated himself out lesheim shamayim. There were people that argued with him, but it says you know, but he was a big godol and he did it lesheim shamayim. He was a one of the gedolei hador. And and Hakadosh Baruch Hu stood with him to help him in his endeavor. And he look, he started a mesirah that we have until today. But but to say that Klal Yisrael was counted and until they traveled, nobody nothing changed. Who cares if nothing changed? Why is it significant? For 3 weeks, nobody died. So? The numbers stayed the same. And the truth is, there's a a bit of a technical issue here. You know, when I say this over in certain you know, crowds, you have your your your accountants and your money then your number people that are saying 1 second. If people turn 20 during that time, so then there's too many people. So then people have to die. So maybe it means I don't remember the exact lotion of the Ramban, but the fact that the number stayed the same doesn't even necessarily mean that nobody died. Unless there was nobody had a birthday. >> were exact cuz they're they sound rounded when you read them. >> It's true. It's a this that's a little bit of a conversation. We had a whole long conversation by kiddush about this. Um let's assume that they're exact. The reason they sound rounded is because the numbers of Klal Yisrael men of Shamayim were very set numbers. But the the the the general assumption is that they were exact. Because there's even in the count in Bamidbar it was more than 600,000. Like 603,000 or whatever. Um but in any event, so So okay, so it could be that the birthdays aren't counted that way. It could be that's the answer. Could be birthdays are just counted from the beginning of the year. There are different ways to count birthdays and therefore it is significant that nobody died. Right? We count birthdays on our birthday, but it could be everyone got a year older in Nissan or something. So that way that resolves [snorts] that issue. But okay, again, I I leave that for the numbers people. But the part that concerns me is why do I need a nice like that? That's what concerns me. You know, just that Hashem does cool tricks, I think we've already established over the last 20 years is not acceptable to us, right? It's not It's not meaningful to us. If Hashem makes a nice, if Hashem makes something happen that's significant, it has to have some significance. So Few weeks ago, I'm partial by I was schmoozing with someone on a Friday afternoon. And while I was schmoozing with him, suddenly the answer hit me. Or at least an answer hit me. I felt like like this. So, this is where really we get started on our journey for tonight. That when Klal Yisrael was counted, it wasn't just stam a census. The counting of Klal Yisrael, like Hakadosh Baruch Hu wanted to know who his soldiers were. Hashem was saying, be counted, be part of that group of servants of Hashem. Right? I think I've quoted here numerous times over the years the words of the Ramban who describes how Moshe and Aaron were there by the counting, and they would gaze at each family and each person, and they would be mevarech them. It was a whole moment, this counting. It wasn't just like send an email, how many people are there. You know, it was a whole um a process. It was an It was a spiritual thing. It was a ruchniyus'dika thing that by becoming part of the count of Klal Yisrael, you counted. You were part of the army of Hashem. You were You were enlisted in the in the in the most glorious glorious mission of serving the Melech Malchei Hamlachim, the Borei Kol Ha'olam. That's the whole tachlis of the briah. This was a major deal signing up in this in this being counted. And this generation of the Dor De'ah had a mission. They had a mission that they had to do. And their mission was that they had to go through a certain journey in the midbar. They had to accomplish certain things. They had to travel, and they had to stop at various places. Listen to the leshon ha'ra of the of the pasukim in our parsha where it talks about the traveling. Our parsha talks a lot about the traveling of Klal Yisrael, which is why it's on my mind for this week's parsha. And you know, it talks about you know, because it says that this week's parsha it says that on the 20th day of the month of Iyar the Anan went up and they started to travel. And it starts to describe that there was a cloud in the front by day and there was a fire at night that led them. And then it starts to describe at length that it almost seems to be talking too much if you don't know what you're reading. And it says when the Anan went up, that's when the Klal Yisrael would travel. And when the Anan was Shochein, when it went down, that's when Klal Yisrael knew to camp there. Al Pi Hashem Yisu, by the word of Hashem they traveled. Veal Pi Hashem Yachanu, and by the word of Hashem they camped. As long as the Anan was Shochein, was resting on the on the Mishkan, they camped. And then it says if the Anan was there for a long time, so then they stayed there and they did not travel. Sometimes, this is all going on in the pasuk. The Aish, and sometimes that sounds like it's like like a travel log. And sometimes the Anan would be only a few days on the Mishkan. Al Pi Hashem Yachanu, again repeated. Al Pi Hashem Yachanu, Veal Pi Hashem Yisu. And sometimes, there it says again, the Anan would be just like from night till morning. And then it would go and then they would travel. Then they would travel. Or two days, or a month, or a year. You know, the base and then again I and then again it repeated again, you can't believe this. Repeated again. Al Pi Hashem Yachanu, Veal Pi Hashem Yisu. Listen to these words. Es Mishmeres Hashem Shamaru. The watch of Hashem they kept. What is all this? Thank you for the delicious water. >> You're very welcome. >> Um >> [clears throat] [snorts] >> So, here's what hit me this Friday a few Fridays ago. I was actually speaking to Rabbi Love and it hit me when it hit me, actually. Um The counting is that you're ready for the mission. And the traveling, that's the mission. Because each place that Cloud Israel went, they had a job to do. They were different nice, different challenges in each place on their journey. Each challenge had its length of time that was set by Hashem, how long it had to be. And they had to be shamir that. That's mishmaris Hashem shamaru. They had to be loyal to that. We're standing here. We're not I want to travel. You can't travel. Hashem wants us here. There's mishmaris Hashem shamaru. We have a job to do here. I think our job is done. Apparently Hashem doesn't agree because he's not traveling yet. So, I'm still here. And so, I have to be here. What? I just got here. I can't believe that I'm leaving already. Okay, I guess it's time to go. I guess Hashem felt that we accomplished what we needed to accomplish here. And now it's time to move on. Al pi Hashem yachanu. >> [cough] >> Al pi [clears throat] Hashem yiso. That was the mission. So, what I realized that erev Shabbos was the reason the number stayed the same is that the counting was for the mission. And the way to show that this was the mission is that they were that count when the mission started. If the number changed, then it's not obvious that we're counting in order to do that mission of that that journey. So, when they counted, the Ramban says, the number froze right there. Why? Because the idea is that this is the number of soldiers that will do the mission of Hashem, al pi Hashem yahanu, al pi Hashem yiso, says the Ramban, a miracle happened that the number stayed exactly the same for 20 days cuz that's when the mission was. Now, why Hashem wanted it to be 20 days in between, I don't know. But, the fact that the number stayed the same is to show that that's the mission. And of course, we understand that when the Torah tells this to us about the Dor De'ah, the generation that was in the midbar, we understand that this is not hard to read into it the story of our lives as well. And this is really where what I wanted to speak about to read this this paragraph of Alei Shore that I thought was really, really important because the idea we've talked about so many times, the idea that Hakadosh Baruchu has a path and a journey for all of us. All of us have our challenges and difficulties. Um I've never said that in a room and someone came over to me after and said, "I don't understand this year cuz my life is totally easy." It's never happened to me. Um and everyone has the assets that Hakadosh Baruchu has given them, the people that love them, the people that support them, the people that are there for them, the wonderful people in their lives, their parnassah, their sustenance, their health, you know, and some people have more health or less health, some people have more parnassah or less parnassah, some people have more healthy mishpacha or less healthy mishpacha, right? That all of that is stuff that's part of the variables that Hakadosh Baruchu gives us, and Hashem sends us out each one on our own mission. We may all be sitting around the same table, but boy do we have different missions and different goals that Hakadosh Baruch Hu set us out all for. And I I thought it was very, very significant, this idea, because I'll tell you why I'm saying it. Sometimes in life, there are situations that a person has to deal with, that a person davens hundreds, maybe thousands, maybe tens of thousands of tefillos, asking Hashem to change that situation. And when when that doesn't happen, so sometimes there's a certain sense of being abandoned by Hashem, being Hashem's not listening. Why is Hashem saying no? What do I have to do to get Hashem to say yes? And a certain frustration with Hashem. And, you know, we've talked about this in passing at different times, but I want to read to you this paragraph that Rav Wolbe writes. It's the introduction to the fourth sha'ar of the first chelek of Alei Shur. And it's a insight that I think is life-altering. I really do. I think it's very, very important. He says as follows. He brings a Gemara. The Gemara says that there are three aspects of our lives that are not dependent on our zechuyos. Meaning it's not a punishment and it's not a sachar. It just is what it is. Rather, it's talui, the the Gemara says, b'mazal. And those three things are our lives, how long we live, as the pasuk says, how long we live, our children, I don't know if that means how well behaved our children are, I don't know. But something about our children, how many children, the health of our children. They are a hatzlacha with our children, something about our children. U'mezona is our parnassa. So it lists three things. Reb Volbe says there are many other things also, but the Gemara lists three fundamental things. And the Gemara says these things are not about zechuyos. They're not about zechuyos. They're be mazal taluya. They depend on the mazal. Now, I did do want to say that it's clear that he doesn't mean that they can't be affected by zechuyos. Sometimes they can, but sometimes they can't. What is this mazal? What's this mazal? Just the mazal, like luck? Like luck of the draw? Flip a card? Roll the dice? What does it mean it's be mazal? So here's where Reb Volbe clarified a parsha of life and something meaningful about life for me, and I hope that'll do the same for you. Reb Volbe writes as follows. Mazal hu amitas shel ha'adam mitzad sheresh nishmaso. Mazal doesn't mean luck. Mazal means the part of the hanhaga of Hashem that you don't have a choice about. The things in life, and Reb Volbe says an amazing thing. He says when you came into this world, you came into this world with koichos in order to bring out certain koichos that you have. That's what you're here for. You're here to develop and to bring out your koichos, your middos, your abilities to serve Hashem. Right? To take that that um capacity for serving Hashem and to actualize it. How does that happen? It doesn't happen by staring at the walls. It doesn't happen by life being easy. It doesn't happen by just wrapping oneself in the comforts of life and not ever having to face adversity. He says it after happens, what brings out who we are is when we face things and when we deal with things and when we grapple with things. It doesn't only mean the bad things, of course. Baruch Hashem, we've had this class sometimes to grapple with wonderful things. But it's the it's the it's the effort. It's the it's the that we have to put into things. That's what brings out our That's what develops us. That's what makes us who we are. So he says, "Don't look at life as like if only I could have just sat in the corner and things would have been easy, that would have been my first choice. But unfortunately, all these things are happening, so now I have to deal with all these things." He's like, "These things are the key to the entire existence, the entire reason that you're here." That's what he means I'm at my Adam meets share my say. So he says that sometimes there are things in life that gives us because we're to them. We could have them for them and we could get wonderful things. We could have and get wonderful things. We could have advice and get wonderful things. That's true. And sometimes sends also. And bad things could happen, right? We don't believe in without that without Sometimes things could be a punishment. But there are many things in our lives, foundational things in our lives that chose a journey for us because he knew our and he knew that this was the path that we needed to be on to do and to accomplish what we came here to accomplish. And I when I read this, I felt a weight lifted from me. Because it told me that not every tfila that Hashem didn't answer is him not answering. I'll daven for everything because I don't know which things are movable things and which things aren't. So, I'm going to daven for everything. And maybe I could throw some zchuyos in and maybe things could change. But the things that seem to be immovable, I'm going to keep davening. It doesn't mean Hashem didn't listen. Sometimes Hashem is saying, "I know that you're davening. I hear your tfilos, but you need this. You don't realize it, but you need this. This is part of the etza mission that you have in this world. This is why you're here." And when that happens, there's a there's a certain serenity, I think, that comes from the understanding that we're we're part of something bigger than ourselves. We're part of something We're part of Hakadosh Baruchu's mission. We're part of Hakadosh Baruchu's plan. And we're playing our role in Hakadosh Baruchu's plan. Rebbe Volbe says that that's what it means when it says "Chayei bnei adam mizonei lav b'zchusa talya milta." It's not about zchuyos. It's about b'mazla. It's about this is how Hashem understands the necessity to bring out from my shareish haneshama, to bring out from me who I am. I was thinking about that in the context of of the psukim in Parshas Balak that like sometimes we're there for a day, sometimes we're there for a month, sometimes we're there for a year. As you know, there was one place that they were in the midbar for 19 years. Never knowing if tomorrow they were leaving. You imagine? For 19 years never knowing if tomorrow they were leaving. Every day just saying, "Okay, we're going to keep at it today until it's time till we we've done our mission here." 19 years later Hakadosh Baruch Hu says, "Okay, you guys are done. Now it's time to move on." And there's a certain Of course, we always daven and Hakadosh Baruch Hu values and loves and cherishes and wants every single tefillah that we send to Hakadosh Baruch Hu. And if it's not used for the thing we're davening for, it goes for other amazing things. And brings Mashiach closer. But sometimes when Hakadosh Baruch Hu puts us in a certain place in life, we know Hakadosh Baruch Hu crafted this situation cuz this is my role in this world. This is the small area of the universe that my job is to shed to bring light into. And I think it's a very, very, very important thing to realize because if we don't live that way, we end up living our lives sometimes with the most profound regrets or wishes that life could have turned out a little different. And to go through life with a sense of like, "All right, I I guess it's okay." That's not how Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants us to live our life. Hakadosh Baruch Hu wants us to live our life knowing that the life that we're living, that's it. That's our shleimus. That's where Hashem wants us. That's what Hashem wants from us. That's where it That That's That's where our our our entire role in this universe comes from. We're not here by mistake. And the difficult things that we go through or the challenges or the twists and turns that our lives have taken, you know, like we we um we live in a world in the world of fiction. We live in the world those of you that are fiction readers. Um we live in a world where people we know there are like there's like alternate histories and alternate you know um choose your own adventure. Have you ever seen the choose your own adventure books when you were kids? You don't know what I'm talking about? >> I wasn't >> What? >> I wasn't such a reader. >> So you would have you would have a book and at the bottom of the page it would say, so let's say um so did she stay home or did she go to camp? If she stayed home, see page 50. If she went to camp, see page 70. So you would choose your own adventure. You would read you go around the book that way. Okay? So what did you do when you finished your adventure? >> Started over. >> You went back and you see what would have happened if you did the other thing. >> [laughter] >> Right? And we sometimes think that our lives are like that also. That like I made a certain choice and it turned out this way. Hmm. >> [clears throat] >> What would happen if I would just roll back the clock? I would just choose the other thing. Hmm. And we don't realize this is very important. There is no other thing. This is where Hashem wanted us. There is no other reality. There is no crossroads where we chose A and there was a choice of B. If we're here today, then this is where we needed to be. And this is where Hakadosh Baruchu sent us. And this is the mission that Hakadosh Baruchu gave us. And I think that's a menucha in that. Al pi Hashem yachanu. Veal pi Hashem yisau. We travel just like in the midbar, the anan went up and they traveled. We have our anan and the winds the different things in life that blow us in one direction or another direction that make us make the you know various decisions. I mean think about this, okay? I hope that nobody I don't think anybody here will be upset, but I hope nobody listening to this is insulted when I say this. But, isn't it true that the most profound decisions that you make for your entire life you make when you're very young? No? Ain't interesting? I've had people tell me even like when they have children and they're in their 20s, they're like, I don't What was I even thinking? I'm 25. I can't raise a child. What do I know? You know? And I always tell them that if you gave you a child, that means you have the wisdom to raise that child. Or do they? You know? But, the decisions though, decisions, you know? You know? Mrs. Goldstein, I'm not going to ask you how old you were, but when you decided to move to Waterbury, like think about that. Think of it as a It was like at least 5 years ago. Right? It was a different life then. Maybe you would think about it differently now. Maybe you would do something different. Like you're this for sure Whatever might come in the future, this for sure identified your entire life. Right? This decision that you made when you were a little bit younger than you are today. True? It's amazing. Like we we live out our whole lives with the ramifications of decisions that we made. But, we could look back and be like, we didn't have any at all. I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about me. We didn't have any You know, I'm thinking about the decision that I made to move to Waterbury. I was just like, okay, let's go. That's it. Boom, 26 years. I was like I was a little kid. I was actually 26. I was a little kid. I made a decision that affected my children and my grandchildren. I It's crazy, no? It's crazy. The answer is it's not crazy. Because that was Al Pi Hashem Yachanu, Al Pi Hashem Yisso. That young whatever description you want to give, that young younger man that tried his best to make the right decision, Hakadosh Baruch Hu was guiding him. And I wound up here, and I think I could feel confident that this is where I belong. At least for today. And I'm planning on staying. But Al Pi Hashem Yachanu, Al Pi Hashem Yisso. Right? That's that's And it's true with every decision. It's true with who we marry, it's true with what business we go into. How many people decide to invest in a certain career? They're like, "What was I thinking?" "What was I thinking?" I I've I've I've I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me. "I went into this. I I can't even understand what I was thinking." Yeah. Al Pi Hashem Yachanu, Al Pi Hashem Yisso. Hakadosh Baruch Hu leads us. And it's true that we have to take responsibility for our choices. And it's true that we have bechira to choose between right and wrong. And it's true that Hakol bidei Shamayim chutz miyiras Shamayim. That's all true. But there are elements of our life, and sometimes they could be very fundamental, foundational elements of our life that Hakadosh Baruch Hu chose for us because this was the life Hakadosh Baruch Hu wanted us to live. And as we live that life, we give Hashem nachas. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu was like, "That's exactly right. That's exactly where I want you and what I want you doing." And that's what gives Hakadosh Baruch Hu nachas. And to me, it gives me a certain menucha to be able to be mekabel, to a certain acceptance. There are people who spend their whole lives and as they get older it gets even worse just checking back that old page. What if I would have chosen something else? You remember that, right? What if I would have chosen something else? What if I would have gone a different choice? You know? Um how life could have been different, you know? I made a decision 28 years ago to move back from Eretz Yisrael. And I had this this haunted me for a while. Like we we were really touching on it, you know that? We would have never known each other. It was really like that back of we like So these two kids, I hope my wife is not insulted if I say we were both two little kids. These two kids made a decision that made a difference to our entire future. And we just decided to move back to America. I was 24. I don't even Okay. I don't know. And and the sense that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is guiding us. Hakadosh Baruch Hu brings us to the place in life that we need to be for the amount of time that we need to be in that place. And we do the job that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave us. And how do we know what that job is? We have a Torah and it tells us what to do and we know that we're here to try to build our mishpachas in as healthy a way as possible and we and we make the best decisions that we can and as I've said tens of thousands of times in this shiur, lo ed nitna Torah lemalachei hashareis, the Torah wasn't given to malachim, it was given to human beings and we take the mission that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave us and we accept that mission. I'm mekabel. This is the challenge that you've given me, Hakadosh Baruch Hu. I accept the challenge. This is the place that you put me. I accept it. Of course, when I davening, I could daven my heart out and talk about what I want. But when I finish davening, then I say, "Okay, davening is over. Now in my life, the simcha, I'm excited to be doing exactly what Hakadosh Baruchu wants me to do. And I'm excited to be exactly where Hakadosh Baruchu wants me to be." And it's a very, very, very important thing to know. It's a very important thing. It was a zuchus such a menucha for me to see that. And I I think there's something else also that like this is maybe a little bit of a smaller thing to focus on in terms of al pi asher yuchanu, al pi asher yimisu. I've noticed an interesting trend about people. And that is like this. When we have a decision to make, so we make a decision, and then many people spend their time after that decision thinking about what would have happened if they would have made the other decision. Right? You recognize that, right? We do that sometimes. And the reason that we do that is because like let's say you're deciding if you should stay in Waterbury for the summer or if you should go away for the summer. Okay, let's say such a decision. Right? Should you go to the country or whatever or should you stay here? Right? Many families You know, came by now, but I think most people made their decisions, but many families made that decision, right? Deciding where to be. So, if you stay here, so there's certain mailers, I'm home or whatever, whatever the mailers are here. If I go away, there's other mailers. If I stay here, there's certain chisronis. If I go away, there's other chisronis. And here's the part that that that's important is that wherever we go, whatever we do, the uncomfortable thing about that thing is what jumps out at us. So, if there was a mile of being in Waterbury because I'm home, and then I go away and if there's other miles, but over there I'm not at home, so then I'm going to go away and what's going to jump out at me is that I don't feel at home. Right? The discomfort of wherever we are is what jumps out at us. But I've noticed something very interesting. That's only when we're talking to ourselves or our close family. But when we go to shul and we're schmoozing with our friends, then we talk about how amazing our decision was. Okay, maybe not always, but very often. Then everyone's saying, "No, the reason I'm doing this is because this is a mile of this, this is a mile of that." And then like when we're trying to convince our friends, you know, cuz there's a certain like uh tendency to try to say like, "I'm doing I'm great, you know? I'm doing great, you know, I have this, I have that. We're doing this, we're doing that." Whatever it is, then we focus on the positive. And I I was I was just thinking to myself that how beneficial it would be for us if we would give ourselves that speech. You know, like sometimes we save it for other people. And then we sit with our discomfort. But whatever whatever the decision might be and whatever areas that that that we make a decision which sometimes we just do the best we can. You have to choose something, right? And you make the best you can. Schools, jobs, vacations, you know, you you do the best you can. You make the best decision you can. And ultimately I could just park it in control. We've talked about this that unless it's like a Yitz Harah or Yitz Taiv decision, Hashem's in charge of our decisions as well. So, once that decision is made, you know, like it says in the Gemara that when someone buys something, you ever hear this? That when someone buys something, you're supposed to be a shav chaina ba'einav. When someone buys something, you're are to praise that thing. So, someone shows up and says, "You like my new car?" You don't be like, "Actually, not really. I actually I cannot believe you bought this car. This was a big mistake." Which I've had things like that in my life, you know? Like, "Oh, this was it?" You know, like that. Someone buy something, someone buy something, you tell them that it was a good buy. You know, it's so nice. I see it has this feature, it has that feature. Right? So, why don't we do that with our decisions in our lives? Well, you know, I mean >> like we're in control. >> What? >> We're like we're in control. >> That is exactly the point. All right, that's the connection between the first part of this share and the second. But if I can recognize that ultimately this is this is where I shall put me. I'll give you a martial. I hope it's not too close to home, but like imagine a husband and wife um are sitting at home and the husband says, "Let's go on vacation." And the wife is like, "Nah, I'd rather stay home." Okay? Which is usually the way it goes. Sometimes it's the opposite. But usually that's the way it goes. "I'd rather stay home." He's like, "No, no, no, we really need a vacation. I'm I'm not doing it for me, I'm doing it for you." You know, of course, you know, but uh I I I really really really we need a vacation. We should go to a hotel for the night. And the wife is like, "Really? What's the point just to pack up and go sleep in a hotel?" Like, "We're we're here. Look, let's just Here, we're here. We're on vacation right here. Like, why why are we going away? You know?" And the husband is like, "No, we'll go out. It'll be fun. We'll go out to eat. So on. It's It's fun to be away. We'll be away from everything." And the wife is like, "Are you bringing your phone with you?" "Yeah." "So, then we're not away from everything, right?" And that's the conversation, right? So, finally, not sure if it's kind of the ice, the wife says, "Fine, we'll go on vacation." And the husband's like, "Don't Just remember, I'm just doing this for you. Okay? So, the husband and wife go on vacation. And they show up at a hotel. And it's a decent hotel. Both people walk into the room. The husband walks in, he's like, "Oh, nice fireplace." The wife walks in, she's like, "Oh, it's drafty in here." The husband walks in and he's like, um, "Wow, I didn't realize that it comes with a fridge." The wife sits down on the bed and is like, "Wow, it's like a board, the bed. You can't sleep on this thing." What's going on? Okay? Why is that happening? >> Cuz they have like a predetermined >> Because because she's not happy about being there. And she's not happy about being there, everything negative about being there is going to jump out at her. And he's super excited to be there. And to prove to her that it was the right decision. So, everything that's positive about the place will jump out at him. If she's the one that said, "Let's go on vacation." And he said, "No." You could be sure that the exact opposite conversation would be going on. Right? Do you Does everyone agree with me that that's the fact? Don't you realize that if we could look at our lives and say, "HaKadosh Baruchu loves us more than we could possibly understand love. Chose this life for us. Chose this moment for us. Chose this mocking for us. Chose these people for us." It's not just a matter of I'll accept it. Do you see what I mean that like in every person in our life, there are wonderful things to see and there are possibly a couple of not wonderful things to see. Yes? Okay? In every person in our life. In every home that any of us live in, there are nice parts of the home and there are parts of the home that we're like, "Hmm, not sure why I picked this house." Okay? In every relationship, in every job, right? Is that that's true. Okay? Even in very challenging things. Even in people that have struggled with their children and it's such a hard struggle, but they'll I'll talk to a mother or a father who's struggling with their child and they'll be like, "But my niece is the cutest kid in the world." You know, like things like that. Because, you know, the mice that we love our kids. The mice that they're yummy. And okay, and now we got to figure it out. But but but there's so much so much good there. It's not I I hope I'm getting my point across. By understanding how Piasha Miachanu V'al Piasha Mi'so, it's not just about this is what Hashem wanted for me. It's about starting to see the good like that husband walking into the hotel room. Like this is where Hashem put me. This place is amazing. These people are wonderful. I love these people. This is where I want to be. This is what I Just to be able to because if I believe that Kadosh Baruchu loves me and if I believe that I'm where I'm supposed to be, Yishab Cheno Be'einav. So then let me let me see the good. Let me focus on on what's good about it. And by doing that, by training myself that way, I I will see more good. I will actually see more good. Actually. >> I have a kind of question. So I understand that with things that like you can't choose the weather or like things that have nothing to do with our decisions. All from Hashem and we have to make the best out of it. But when it you have to make a decision, how do we train ourselves to think that we didn't really make a decision? >> But that's that's part of the Emunah here is that when we make a decision, we do the very best we can. We know we have to pick something. And then part of our Emunah is that once made a decision, now again I'm in Hashem's hands. But there's no such a thing. It can't be that right now you would face Hashem and Hashem would be like, "Uh no, this life is not working out. You made a few choices over the life is not what I wanted. You were really supposed to be in Tzfat. Uh what are you doing here? Oh, you're married to a lawyer? You were supposed to be married to a orthodontist. You made a mistake. You know, you're living in Waterbury? You were supposed to be living in Tzfat. You What Whatever it is. So, you're uh uh from Ashkenaz davening Litvish family? You were supposed to be a Hasidish. It It can't be. It can't be that right now you're living your life. What? >> a decision you made. That's what you were put into. >> No, but a lot of them are decisions. You decided where to live and you decided who to marry. >> Right. >> Right? So, it must be that we make decisions. I'm not getting into the decisions of ta'avah and ra, which you know, the truth is it's true about those also. And I've spoken about that. I don't want to get there at this time of the share, okay, cuz it's getting late and I would like to daven maariv, okay? But the point that I'm making is that but but most of the things that we agree are not good and bad, right? I'm deciding where to send my child to school. It's not a question of my yetzer hara saying this and my yetzer tov is saying this. I'm just trying to make the right decision. Once I make a decision, even if it becomes clear that the other decision would have been better, I could find such solace and chizuk knowing apparently this is what Hakadosh Baruch Hu wanted. Cuz I did my best to make the right decision. >> [clears throat] >> And it wasn't a yetzer hara yetzer tov decision. I just tried to make the right decision. >> So, there's no mistakes. >> There's no mistakes. Yes, that's exactly right. >> So, you wouldn't have to like change schools, let's say. >> Yes. Exactly. Exactly. And that part That journey, that's the al pi Hashem yachanu and the Al Piasha Measo. That's part of it. So, if I put my kid in a school and then I realize halfway through the year like, "Oh boy, this is not the right place for them. Next year they have to be in a different school." That was we call it a mistake because in our Hashem it's a mistake, but we won't say if if if you put your daughter in a school and you decide at the end it's not the right place for her. You think it was a mistake by Hashem? Every girl that she met, every relationship that she had, every relationship that she missed in the other places, all that is just a disaster because of your mistake? Of course Hashem is running the world. And Hashem engineered that. Sometimes we make decisions, we look back, we don't understand what we were thinking. We were blind. We don't know this. We thought it all made sense and we just didn't realize because Hashem is working. He pulls us to where he wants us to be. We're being our hands are being held. We're being pulled to where we need to be, to where to where Hashem wants us to be. That's why we don't look back. We just look at today and we serve Hashem here as best as possible. And what a nice place this is. And we see the beauty. And we look around at the people in our lives. You know, we live in a small community, it's even super important. But for our families even and for our friends to look around and to be able to have a certain sense of like, you know, you know what's amazing like, you know this type of like um ethos where you um you know, some of you know this better than others, but like in a family everyone could be fighting with each other. But if someone says something bad about the family, everyone hates them, right? Don't start with my family, you know? But you could have that kind of thing. It's not in every family, but there's that but you understand that kind of thing, right? If you think about it, something's missing there. Because there's a certain sense of like, yeah, our family. But how come you don't have that sense when you talk to your family? In other words, there's a marker to see the beauty in the people in my life. And sometimes we do that. We look around the community. This has this and this has this and this person has that this family has that and by the time we're done, there's just like no place for us. You know, we just feel like you know, we could shoot holes in everything. But, if we believe put me here. Welcome to this hotel room. Oh, look how beautiful this person is. Look how beautiful this person is. Look how wonderful this is. Look how how how how impactful this is. Look how caring this organization is. We could start seeing the good. It's the same community. And it's not that I'm convincing you of something. It's just seeing differently. Coming with different eyes and seeing differently. You know, I always say this morbid thought, but it's continues to be true. So, I'll keep saying it. You know, it's a crazy insane thing that when people die, we think better of them. It's crazy. It's true, right? You don't agree? >> Most of the time. >> You know what I mean though, right? Well, after he was gone, right? Like suddenly, yeah, he was a nice guy. It's like when he was alive, you didn't say he was a nice guy. You said he was the most annoying guy ever. Okay, and there's reasons for that. But, part of this of you so, part of recognizing that put us here with our challenges, with our with our family members, with our journey, with the incidents that we've had to grapple with and even maybe struggle with, with our with our health. This is where put us. First of all, there's a certain I'm exactly where I need to be. I'm doing exactly what I need to do in this world. Now, let me just do this right. It gives me energy. You can you feel that that it gives a certain energy. Like, there's no "if only I ever", there's no "if only". Right now, right here, we're all going to go home in a few minutes. Let's go home and let's do what's right. Because we were put here for this moment. We're here, we're supposed to be here, this is where we belong, this is where our job is, this is what brings out who we are. Let's do it. There's a certain power to that. Instead of I didn't really belong here, I shouldn't have really done that, I shouldn't have married this person, I shouldn't have moved here, I shouldn't have made that decision, I shouldn't have done that. Okay, anyway, I guess whatever, you know, I was talking to someone else. It's not like plan B, it's like we're up to plan like T. You know, you know, like no, it doesn't work that way. This is plan A. And I go home tonight, I'm in plan A. This is where I got this barcode put me. Now, what am I doing with this day? That's A and B, which I think is equally important, when I go home tonight, let me see the And here also, by the way. But let me see the beauty of where what I got this barcode gave to me. Whether it's the people in my life, the mocking that I'm in, the midas that I have, the the all the different parts of my life, let me appreciate the good things that I have. Some of you are going to get phone calls tonight, before you say hello, and try this. Before you say hello, just think to yourself, I'm so lucky that this person is calling me. You'll think of something nice about the person. You'll be a different phone call, you'll see. You know, just to be able to have Am I just being fluffy? Like, oh, let's be all positive? No. I'm saying if I got this barcode put me here because he loves me, of course I should see the beauty where I am, right? Makes sense. That's what I should do. I this also not beauty. Okay, those are the challenges. That's what's going to make me thrive. That's what's going to make me me. So, this is the parashah. This is the parashah of Al Pi Hashem Yachanu v'Al Pi Hashem Yisa'u. This is the parashah the parashah to bolster our emunah that that each stage of our life and each step and each challenge is a matanah from Hashem. And while we're alive in this world, we won't ever fully understand the meaning of each step. But, still follow the cloud, right? You follow the cloud. Cloud nine. Yasher koach.