Love or Lust? - R. Tomer Zino - TorahAnytime.com

Another thing that's very important to pay attention to is that people think that you have to fall in love right away. You know, Rabbi, I don't know. It wasn't, you know, I didn't feel it right away that he or she took my breath away. Like there's a >> what I just said. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. There's some people who believe that they have to meet the person right away fall in love, right? And they think that uh like they saw as if they saw in Hollywood, you know, the guy saw the girl, they locked eyes, he got he started dreaming, he got butterflies, and then that's it. Ah, that's that's the sign. It's not necessarily true. You know, there's two major things we have to know. There's lust and there's love. Love is something that's built. It's something that the desler says that you only love yourself at the end of the day. You only love yourself. What does the Torah say? Love your neighbor like you love yourself. The only person you really love is yourself. So how can you love somebody else? By giving to somebody. When you invest part of yourself in somebody else, you put a part of yourself in that person. And now the part of you that's in him, you could love. The part of you that's in her you could love. So he says that you have to give a lot in order to love. But when people feel a desire right away, they feel attraction right away. It's not necessarily it's love. It's lust. It's lust. What's lust? Lust is a person has desires. He sees something attractive. He wants it. I see a good donut. Oh, this looks good. I want to eat this. Right? So, it's a natural thing that comes this what happens with lust is it goes away is it goes away. A person then he gets engaged comes to the rabbi. Rabbi what happened? He said listen rabbi I have cold feet now. You know she used to she used to give me butterflies. She used to make me feel so special and all of a sudden now it's like whatever. I speak to her it's like whatever. I said it's because you're having lust. you're not having love. Love comes with time. It's something that you build. It's something that you have to invest in. Love means you trust and you respect this person just because they look good and and you know I like his car and he has a cool job and you know his last name is very of last name and you know I I see myself happy with this person. That's not love. That's that's just your desires and your imagination telling you it's going to be good and it's the right thing to do. But love is something you build. This trust and respect you have for somebody is something that comes with time. So there's this thing about, oh, I fell in love right away. It's that's going to go away. It's like, you know, they say about little kids. Little kids they have when they're in like kindergarten, they're in daycare, this boy always wants to be Shabbat aba and with that girl, right? They have this like puppy love. It's like puppies, you know? It's you grow up, he goes away. It's it's it's it's a nonsense. Person wants real love, real respect, real trust of his spouse. It's it's built with time.