BA'AL TESHUVA: Challenges of a Past Life

Chua the one who decided to change his world take 180 degrees and switch the direction that he grew up he finally decided that the world is that the Western world has gone bankrupt it's not worth it for me to be able to stay just because I was raised per se by in a certain way doesn't necessarily mean that that is the EMT that's the truth and it decided to run and go a different direction to try to be make himself firm as firm as possible to be able to be OEM to be able to do as much as possible but then sometimes after you know could be a half a year year sometimes 2 years suddenly he starts having quivering feets you know what happens he hears one of those old songs from the past that he was also familiar with his favorite song the one that he also connected of course AA song or he sees a certain player or a certain actor that he was Al so connected to that he used to enjoy watching or suddenly he hears about a certain sports team that they won the pennant and suddenly he's so excited he he feels feeling of of excitement about the uh about the event that happens or some other type of events that happened in the past or old friends from the from the blast from the past etc etc etc something that I assume of us that many of us can feel and suddenly it brings them back back to those old memories it brings him out to a place that he wasn't there for a number of years it brings him back to a place of of something that he didn't know and suddenly starts going into as they say starts simmering inside of his mind that maybe I'm something's wrong with me maybe I really am not a b chuba maybe there's something wrong with me maybe I'm really not the person that I make up maybe I'm just a faker maybe I'm just pretending maybe I'm just playing a part I'm just dressing a role maybe I'm just acting in a certain way but he can't pull out of him what we call the gear yuk that old past of that old past that came gear yta means it happened from his from his youth because we all know that experiences that we have from our youth are oh so connected to us they're so dear to us there are things that are very hard to remove from us so to speak and suddenly we feel that maybe that's just who I am and there's no change so I want to quote to you something in the that he spoke to RI a number of times about this subject and R used to say these words don't ever think that you're going to erase the past completely you can't erase the past it's a part of your kishkas it's part of yourself things that are memories from our past are there with us forever you remember those commercials much better than you remember the shabas mirrors than you're learning about right now it's something that's just something that's part of a normal of being a CH it's okay there's nothing to feel guilty about you don't have to start feeling confused unsure with quivering feet to think maybe there's something wrong with me maybe I'm Different maybe I'm just not cut out for this it's a mistake that's not the action that's not the truth it's a normal Mahal that is meant to happen it happens to everyone it's supposed to happen it might not be so easy we had experiences in the past there were experiences that weren't just external experiences they're ones that we lived we all know when we were teenagers that life seemed like that was it I just remember recently walking I was uh up north and you know it was you see a bunch of teenagers up walking down a boardwalk and they're all laughing with each other and all having a good time and just asking my wife and going you remember when we were that age like you just think like the whole world is you is no other world except for me those friends are that's it that that's everything there is in life the you know the fight that you got with that person or the The Fallout that you had with him or the good pal that you have over a year or the groups and the and the clicks that you have one with the other this is it this is the whole entire universe everything boils down to who you are and all about myself and all our experiences and then suddenly something funny happens you grow up and it's not very long it's a few years and suddenly those four five six years seem like they were a lifetime but suddenly you that world and you realize you know what it's just something that everybody goes through but it's something that we call a it's a personal experience it's an experience what you live through it's something that's real it's a mish in P which we're reading during this time period says this is the only one statement that we have from himself is the one who went off the and it's not coincidental that he's the one who said what a person learns is it is similar to something that's written on a brand new paper as the writes over there it lasts forever your remembrances your memories from the past are there forever it's not just a naked memory it's not just an abstract it's not something external it's something that you live by it's something that's there in your head and it comes from there so yes it comes and it's not a coincidence that a was the one who said the statement because this writes in Giga the reason why he ended up going to what he was is the famous M with the Brit at his Brit where the father said I'm he's going to let him go learn T because he realizes you can do fancy things with it like they were burning fires and he realized W can do interesting things there was no there and it ended up going into the kid and he was raised in a certain way that was sh and that stayed with him and he ended up not being able to alter yes that is what we experience the advertisements the old cliches The Melodies the successes the trophies all these types of things that we had in the past it's still a part of us and I'm not I'm going to explain how to get rid of it him it's still a part of us and there's nothing to worry when we feel that it was there everybody knows the famous M with r shinberg very famous M that when he was in a cab and the he was in a taxi cab and as he was going the radio was on and he heard that the Dodgers won the Penance and he actually said he got a breath of H now R shinberg was an unbelievable Masid he was y literally lived 102 years old and he learned 20 hours a day he was a Kai as they said for for for for for being a mass the incredible Feats that he reached in his learning Torah also in even and also Mikus is is unbeknown to many to many people and here it is because he grew up until the age of 13 in a modern Orthodox type of world so he knew about the Dodgers of course he's the fake Dodgers I'm from Los Angeles that's the real Dodgers he was talking about the Brooklyn Dodgers but Al him that's uh that's that's what he experienced at the time and it says that R shinberg actually had a breath of enjoyment when he heard when he heard that happen that's a b r also he one time reported and I heard him say this that he was one time on a plane and in the olden days you had no option but to see a screen in front of you when there was a certain movie that was running now rora's greatness until the age of 40 years old mamash like Reb AKA was his power of theater he played in theaters he directed movies and he and he wrote them his power was the power of the cinema and when he would see sort of speak he would kind of give a passing glance or look at the movie that was ahead of him that was in front of him he would be so annoyed about it he said stop the scene cut cut cut it's too long it had he had it in his kishka this is a man who was already learning 30 40 years he was completely submersed in his learning and he still had somehow connection to the cinema to the power of the movie it still was in his it was in his it was in his it was in his Vibes it was still within it was in it was in his nervous system it was still within there to be able to have it that's right so like we said it's okay when these types of things pass through the Bal Chua when it comes in it's not something to be worried about it's not a reason to put it in the past to drop out to be able to say that I'm a failure because difficulties challenges all happen to all of us and that's the way it's supposed to supposed to happen and the answer is why and the question is why and this is what we have to ask right now why does it happen in such a phenomenon and here it is a person he made the 180 Dee he knows intelligently emotionally he knows 100% this is the right decision he knows that he realizes that the modern world the Western world is completely bankrupt it's going nowhere besides the anti-Semitism but the actual everything with the LGBT and I always run out of all the letters that are they keep being madesh all the time everything that's happening is completely getting lost and he has no problem with running away from the empty entertainment that is being surrounded by them as opposed to the great gulla of godl of of intelligence that we're surrounded by so why is it that he comes back to that yal to that place where he was before the answer is that we are not robots we're not machines okay we might be a little bit artificial intelligence some of us we're already getting close to artificial AI to to people are getting close and close but we're not things that happen with just one push and we program push of a button and voila we're reprogramming myself and that's the way it is it doesn't work like that you can work that way on a a computer but it doesn't work that way on a person a person is built up of many traits of many emotions of many n of many different types of natures he has different types of of intrinsic capabilities and mid that we have within us and therefore when we make a change it might work through the brain with a knowledge but it also has to seep in in inside of us now Naturally Speaking when a person does something we have to know we have automatically to resistance to what we do any type of change that anybody ever wants to do requires a automatic resistance that happens to the person it's something that's intrinsic within us your body when it puts in when they do an operation and they want to do some type of a kidney transplant if a person needs it or blood transfusion so we know that the body might spit it out it might refuse it because the body has its immune system that is trying to keep away so too in the emotional world the psychological world that even though a person is trying to do a certain thing he's trying to make a change the body has an action reaction and it will spit out against it it'll make it go in an opposite direction any person who ever had an addiction of course knows this you can't just go up stop cold turkey and say no more it doesn't it doesn't work a person who had a drinking problem a smoking problem you can't just stop and say all of a sudden okay it's all over I'm not going to do it anymore the only way to do it is what we call a it takes a step by-step process the reason why is cuz when a person does one step and another step and another step so then the resistance the immune system doesn't resist as strongly because you're doing a very small process it doesn't go at a complete 180 against the the system and therefore it's okay and therefore you're able to actually make the change until it becomes a part of your kishkas a part of yourself it becomes a part of the intrinsic part of the person himself that he's able to actually make that change so this is the way it works a person has and BEC comes Chua hears an inspiring speech goes to a seminar or he finally realizes what's going on in the world outside and he makes a Whopper change a 180 he has a Full Burst of inspiration but that is somewhat external it's somewhat not real it's a burst of energy which lasts temporarily until you start going through the harder part of it the process that takes a stepbystep process where you have to go and slowly take it a little bit step by step Yad by Yad a little bit until you finally get to the destination that you want to get to that's how it works a person who's caught up a storm sometimes you see a burst of lightning this is the words of R in theim a person sees a burst of lightning and he uses that lightning that ball of Light which he saw in the beginning to be able to steer himself in the dark of the storm to be able to get through those Hard Times which he's aiming to get to and yes that's why we find many balas that fall to the Wayside because they start feeling as we spoke out in the beginning of this year this problem that maybe I'm just a facade maybe I'm a faker maybe I'm just really just connected to my past and just leave it alone they might might start making excuses about is there really God or not a god it doesn't come from a place of reality because a person didn't put it as part of himself a person has to put it into his kishkas okay you have to know and be able to able to know it until it becomes a part of yourself and that's the way to be able to produce it and of course that's the way it happens this in the cabalistic writings is known as and of courseid is a ball and a burst of energy incredible burst of energy B the world was created and I shouldn't use a slushing but the big bang a burst of unlimited amount of energy which came from a and it would have just kept spreading forever but if something keeps spreading infant tally there's no room for for producing something you can't keep doing something forever you have to stop you have to put a g in it you have to put a limitation and that's the MAA of G of stopping hasm put a stop to the world so now there's room for us to live put a stop to it so you have a burst of energy of but then of course you have to have every man has to have a woman because if not he's just a burst of energy they'll just keep doing things but they won't have any any to it any uh sustenance it won't sustain he needs the woman to be able to take that and produce a baby from it she's the one who's able to produce his capabilities and and give it some power to be able to put it somewhere because you give perspective to all that that being produced and then you finally reach tiat you're able to reach the power of tiit and this connects with this I conclude to the idea of course of the on P we had a burst of energy it's the as the T writes p is and is a person wants to start with that burst of energy that we have of p and that happened on the first night the saided their night saided is the same letters of Paris without theat right it's the highest of the levels we do 15 Steps in a boom in one big bang it happens in one big spank and it happens in a way that's fantastic it's an Aaliyah it's a beautiful night it's something that we have special the only time we're ever able to read Hal at night time but eventually you have to have that slow process of SPH om day after day after painstaking day where you make those counts one after the other what's the month in the year which has the most holidays you would have never guessed ER e is the one that has this month is the most holidays every day is a holiday SP you count the day you count every day it's a it's a month that is jam-packed with every day of doing a spere to om because you're giving sustenance to each day you're building it slowly until you finally get toat the name shat means weeks because it was built by our counting process of producing the weeks to finally to be able to get there we're the ones who got there we started with a boom of energy and then we go through a difficult 49 days of counting changing one me to another meter the 48 ways of course that we accomplish of learning of being able to change who we are and by that we finally get to the final destination of course that we call the month of Nissan is the it's a sheep which is one that follows the shepherd he's the one that follows that's the idea of the month of is the shore he's an intrinsic power G he's the one of strength the one is that and the month of s is the is the twins because we finally get to T after you have after you have it doesn't ever get away nothing comes with one inspiring speech and you have to have followup you have to be able to continue to be able to be able to get finally to those 50 levels of to those 50 levels of of tar it's called le le is a good heart Le in which we just read is the best being a Le to what's Le to 32 is Le that's the first till is the first 32 days Le to and is the last 17 days which add up to the 49 Le to is 49 with two breaks with with the l in the middle the Le and then you have the to that happens afterwards that's why these are called the days of MIM of jewels meim 49 counting mon means to count and me is 49 we count the 49 this is the jewels this is the time to take advantage of a beautiful time of being able to slowly rebuild ourself just like that b Chua was able to get himself out of the the difficult times and he was finally able to get himself to a place where he wanted to be I'll end with the story that in that they actually they had a person whenever they do their with their speeches they always do a followup and the follow-up that they do they actually have a Shear with a gamar class of a certain you know of being able to to get to a certain place they do followup CU it's not enough just to go to a seminar like we said so they were having one of these gar and there was a person that was sitting in the class of this uh person he was sitting in the class of this gumar class they were learning B they tried to take an easy gumar people just starting out and he looked like he just fell from India out of the middle of nowhere in his parachute pants he said that he had he had the tattoos from top to bottom from every type of animal Under the Sun M was like an Indian and he had a hair that made him have trouble walking in through the doorway it had the size of an afro which was so large that he barely couldn't believe that you know what was hiding inside of there the the Mount of ha that was there and he was sitting there and in the middle of the sh so he started asking questions the rabbi asked a question and the person answered it and then he himself asked the question and that was tsw's question the guy himself the guy couldn't believe it he so wow very impressive you know very impressive and then he noticed in the middle of the shear that the person stuck his thumb and went like this in the middle of one of the she in the middle of the shear he went like this he goes ah I got you you used to be used to be religious I know you were no one just does this with the thumb obviously you have some type of background that came from from from there and he goes okay I admit it yes he did come from a from family and he went off the D he came from a from family he ran away to India and he went over there to learn every type of aara every type of idolatry and everything else underneath the Sun but slowly he came back to Jud now he's coming back and he saw theim and he started coming he started coming back so he said after knowing everything you know what do you want to start working on Shabbat he spoke to him he goes no Shabbat I can't keep he said why can't you keep Shabbat he told him because listen I smoke like a chimney I smoke like at least two packs a day it's not happening I'm not stopping on Shabbat it's not happening so the person was stuck came another one who works in the Mad who works over there also and he told them listen to me you could smoke on Shabbat it's fine just you need to smoke but you don't need to extinguish the cigarette just every time you want to extinguish a cigarette don't just put it down and don't don't don't pull it out don't extinguish it and type of the as just put it down and let it extinguish itself that much you can call the guy goes what am I a frier what do you think I'm an idiot I know that every time I smoke a puff it's another iser every time I light the flame it's another chabbat and that's not true so oh so what big deal just because I extinguish it so I'm avoiding the answer of extinguishing is it's such a big deal that was the of this uh of this person he said they they tried to argue with him they said if you tell me an if you tell me someone big that tells me this P that I'm willing to do it they went to no other than kki they went to kki and they were able to get a special protexia to get him in and they got this guy into kkii who tells people to take off their watches this guy walked into the into kki anyways he was standing there and they told him the story they gave him a paper before it to give him a background about the whole story over there and they told him that we feel that this is what he should do about the cigarettes Kanki said yes that definitely should be what he should do he should go ahead and every time he does it and he said just have in mind that one day I'll be able to do a little bit more Shabbat but right now this is sufficient for me and he ended up not not to do that thing kki said okay that's definitely what has he was willing to come and cabel he said he was about to walk out and kki also told him and by the way get a haircut you look like a tumtum that's what he said he told him said you go get a haircut said okay he was M the words of the he knew was it was a great connection to be able to get there and he said he kept smoking but he put it out and he said eventually he ended up keeping Shabbat just because of that he said why cuz every time he didn't extinguish the cigarette he remembered today Shabbat it reminded him today is Shabbat that's all it did even though he wasn't necessarily K Shabbat he was still smoking cigarettes but just the actual reminder slowly infiltrated into his body he slowly learned to reminded himself that yes this is something that's part of me and there is a Shabbat and there's something that I'm connected to and that itself was able to get into a much more deeper research and that's the way it has to be we have to eventually get to it in a slow process never give up and yes we all have that blast from the past those memories that we cannot remove and of course they're part of us but even with that we we mix it together with the positive memories that we have of our Tor of our learning with that we will be able to be