Using Free Choice to make Real Change

this year is dedicated to Illinois it's the daughter of Benji rietti today so your side they're coming today I think they made it right they didn't make it today they're coming tonight [Music] we wanted to speak at a very this is a basically the Shabbat Shiva as we know and I was a requested that it's hard for women to come a but B I wanted to make something very practical in the olden days I used to speak on shabbatuba like a nice topic with an eon and then I realized why do that so it wasn't so as productive we tried to do something that's extremely practical to make something that we can learn and how we can do some practical kabulous and enough fish something we can take away for our Yom Kippur to be able to do something okay so I'm gonna try to make it as practical as possible also give examples but it's important uh you know no one can pinpoint each specific person every single person knows their individuality they know what they need for themselves so I'm going to throw out maybe here and their examples but obviously each one has its own individual uh things that they have to work on but you're supposed to take the message or the message of what we're trying to get out here I'm going to start off with a story that you might not like it's an interesting story is it true or is it not true it's brought down by the reason brings in the tifert Israel in the end of kadushan I said you might not know what I'm talking about business matter but if you come around they bring down a mice which is uh there are some that disagree that it existed it's a type of Madras Gazette but the message is very uh clear and that's why I felt it was important to speak it out Etc this is the story as we all know Mojo Rabino was a very big man he was a big man he took us out he did a lot of fancy things he took us out of me try him a lot of it he took us out there the splitting of seas doing a lot of my cuts et cetera they were wandering in the midboard for 40 years as we all know the Jews were in the midboard for 40 years and here it has in the midrash it brings down that there was a king that said I have to see who this most robino person is I have to meet him I have to know what's about him what is his character traits what's he about so he sent one of his greatest artists what is Cyrene yes believe it or not back then there was no camera no iPhone to take a picture and they actually have to draw the picture with her hand and he drew the picture of he found moshebenu wandering on the midboard that's already a miracle in itself but anyway somehow they found moisture albino in the mid bar and he drew a picture of his face of Moshe Robin's face and he brought it back to the king the king said wow okay he now has a picture of most Robin could you imagine if we can get a hold of this picture it was an incredible let's see what most we're going to look like but I think most people think he looks like the guy in the movie right whatever his name is so he went to his he went to his wise men and he showed him the pictures and he said which is a real we believe in this there is such a thing as studying a person's face and you can figure out many things about him there is such an idea behind palm reading if it has to be done right not fakers and has to be real but there's such a thing so they went and they studied the face and all the on all the crevices and the way it looked and they said look I don't know you know we're afraid to say but he doesn't look like such a great guy he looks like he's a person who's a certain a little bit of a temper or an impatient maybe to a certain extent and maybe he's not always the the best of people so he got very upset with him this is talking about the man who gave you the assertive this is the man who took us out of me sorry and he said it can't be it can't be such a such a thing like I said I wouldn't record such a thing obviously it was quoted in a few places this idea it's because of that idea that detail I just said that some people disagree with the story but anyways so that's what they said so the king said okay it must be they start having an argument must be the guy who drew the picture doesn't know what he's doing he obviously has no idea how to draw a picture so they went to him and he said I'm telling you I promise you I did it the way exactly I got every detail of his face I did it as best as I could I drew a picture of him like I was supposed to do obviously it'd be cool if they knew someone's head was going to be chopped off by the king so they wanted to figure out what to do so the king said that's it I'm going in my on my own I'm going to go on my own I'm gonna make my own I'm gonna figure it out on my own who this person is he went the king went and he found mobeno in the mid bar he got out his ways he went down he typed emotion he got him and he found him in the middle of the mid bar with his six uh three million people he went to his oil and he bowed down to most Rubino and says he gave him a tremendous honor and then he asked him uh he looked at the picture he looked at me said wow this is exact the picture was fantastic so he said says he told Moshe Urbane the whole story he says obviously my wise men are a bunch of idiots they obviously don't know what they're talking about this is what they said in this and who said to him no they are absolutely correct that's the story goes that they're absolutely correct you should know I was born with certain traits and these type of things but I worked for 80 solid years to be able to do and that's why Moshe is the mavarnas he's the Isha looking he's the one that was able to most her nephew she did everything only for Claude Israel patient with all the impatience of being as well all the trials that they put him through and we see what a tremendous man he was and he was able to get to the places that he was able to get that's uh that's what it says in the place where he was able to reach was only uh was only from there that's what uh that's what the end of the midriff more or less says but the message over here is incredible like I said you want to believe the story or not doesn't bother me take your choice but the message is absolutely incredible a person can reach and be even emotional if he really wants to to a certain extent if he knows that he knows how to use his kohut whatever those kohat are if they're a little bit more to the left a little bit more to the right I don't mean to vote for the left I'm not a big left person but I mean to say the better what type of media your strength is where your weaknesses are doesn't make a difference a person is able to reach an incredible amount of height an incredible type of a place that a person is able to reach to that's why the rambam writes in he writes every person can be a tadiq like he can be an Evidence he was the greatest anov the biggest humble person even though it says according to this midrish that he wasn't born that way he made himself into the most humble person and he was the biggest Navi Prophet that ever existed here you are telling me that you could be like says it means that everyone with the co what he did was take every in his body every strength that he made it in evidence he worked it towards working Hashem you take your strengths no no but if you take the capabilities that you have and use it to its fullest then you will be equal to the Target you're not going to be almost but those potentials that you acquiesce that you received at Birth those capabilities those and you go ahead and use it to be an Evidence whatever I have is only to do for the right thing so then you will be able to reach incredible uh incredible Heights okay that's the you saw that is brought down based on this midriff but here is where the message that I want to get to is and this will take a couple parts of understanding but if you follow this building block you'll see this is an incredible idea for how we can do chuva properly the Roman rights in Oklahoma if you think about all of Judaism what's the most important thing I think if we would go and take votes it would just take too long what you think if you Channel what's the most important fundamental that we know in Judaism so say the Oneness of Hashem and all that says the rambam he says I gave you good and bad I gave you death and life what did I give you because blessing and curse there is nothing more that is more fundamental to our religion but in general as we're going to expand on to the idea of free choice free choice is the foundations of everything that we walk on and you're going to see how far we're going to take this more than you even think and he says that's why and he brings many examples to the idea of free choice but everything is without and if you don't believe in it then you you deny the whole entire Torah there's no idea of honest of reward and Punishment and there's nothing to go about it and he brings the pasok famous pasok that we read last week two weeks ago before Rosh Hashanah and that is the the famous person goes ahead and tells us please choose life that's what Coca-Cola got the expression from choose life choose life go ahead and choose the right thing you read a pasok and you go there's the end of the Torah right if you know we're right at the end of the tour here we read our whole entire turret 613 misses have been gone we went through already we went through a whole entire thing and now it's telling me choose the good side I knew that like you know that much I could have guessed I don't know if I needed a possuk to tell me to choose life to focus on choose the good side don't choose death don't choose bad things choose good things you know maybe on the first person tell me that but what what is that what is the terror coming to teach us the answer is and this is really the fundamental of what we're going to speak about today the focus is a lot more than the the meaning the the Annunciation is not necessarily on the life it's more on the choose be a Chooser use free choice run your life with free choice run life with free choice I think most people are looking and going what does this mean I always run with free choice that's always what we do I think so most of our life minute to minute and that's where the Torah is not telling you a one-time shot because no it's telling you day to day hour by hour that a person has to go ahead and choose life to make a decision and choose it to do something to do an effective something that chooses now most people think I choose all the time I'm cold outside I'm very a hot day outside I go into some 7-Eleven or my college depending where you're located I walk in there and then I see a mihar a choice of different things to choose from the ice creams they can get the vanilla with the chocolate nuggets inside maybe I'll get some cookies and cream or maybe I'll just get the ice cream sandwich with the with the white and the black inside of it I'm choosing wow this is great free choice this is really exciting that's not what we call free choice that's that's not defined as what we mean when we speak about free choice that's that's what we call personal preference that's taking a preference free choice the definition of something that has to do with free choice has to do when you have a arachim something that has a a foundation something uh of something fundamental fundamental of what it is a proper decision of something that is a of importance when a person has to make a decision whether yes to do something or not to do it that's when a person I'll go before we get to religious things a person's on a diet persons on a diet so here we have and now you have a choice to make a proper Choice here it is the chocolate cake is sitting in front of you on the counter sitting in front of you your husband just had three pieces and now it's time you know it's not fair why can't I have a piece and you know what you look at the P the chocolate and it's not even perfect it's you know it's always squared off like and unperfect I'm just gonna make it even Square I just want to make it perfect in a nice straight line that's all and I can take a proper piece I'm just going to sliver off because you know it just doesn't look so aesthetic when you have an a diagonal cake so obviously I'm just going to take one piece to do it and then one piece is we might know leads to the second and maybe the third but as long as no one's looking you're okay it's not a big deal that is what we call choosing that's called free choice free choice comes when I have to decide between one Eric and another Eric one one important thing or another important thing is it a cadite to do it or is it not a kadai to do it and the bottom line of what we're saying is the idea that most of our lives were presented with choices and follow me this is really the fundamental of everything I'm just saying it right in the beginning we're presented with choices but we don't choose we really don't choose you know why because most of the time we just work by circumstances we just do things the way we've always been doing it in English we say status quo I usually just do what I do because that's always what I've been doing an action reaction that's just the way I have been now the truth is we're not denying obviously we know there's a big hakira as they say uh introspection amongst the psychologists but it's also in the Torah the rambam brings it in a few places over here it brings in Perry bet is a person because of nature or because of nurture as we all know all of us have certain natural habits we have natural tendencies we have natural traits which we were more or less born with some people are just push it more lazy than others some people are just bigger Hot Heads than others just have a bigger temper than other people it's just the way the world is it's just the way the world is it's fine even if we go into the Shalom World in general this is in general we're not even call him but we know that a woman will be more on the regular side in the emotional understanding side and connecting to a person to another as opposed to the man will be much more on the sacrosite on the cognitive side on the cognitive side of War working according to structure black and white a little bit more to that that's classically like uh we all know but I'm just using that as a proof that we see everybody has Tendencies based on you want to call it hormones you want to call emotions it's really what we call who decided everyone's going to get everybody has their nisayan their their deal that they have to come to the world with and therefore we're all born with our different traits and that's the way it's supposed to be that's of course the nature side and there's also the nurture side which is of course we're all born in different places people who are born in England or not necessarily people who are born in New York they just have different factors and not necessarily people who are born in Israel will stop here no comments okay everybody is born with different types of traits and it comes also with the fact that you're surrounded by society and therefore you might have certain different Tendencies because of that knowing this by the way is important this is not our subject but knowing is important and understanding people it helps a tremendous man and shall abide but you know what it helps with your neighbors it helps with the country that you live in knowing that people were push it raised differently it's okay everybody has a certain tendency to be have different Tendencies and everybody is working on the trait that they need to work on yes if you go I have a certain person or a friend of mine who teaches in a seminary so he likes to bother the girls you know these are girls who are fresh off the boat for modern or modern schools and they come so he one time told me you know you got the Klaus Rowdy he liked to do it so he said one time it was uh he mentioned about uh the people who screamed Shabbos on the cars when they when they go across the street you have an experienced in alif but maybe in other parts of romantic challenge you might be able to see something like that but anyway so they he was mentioning that does that bother you and they go yes it's not nice why are they screaming at other people let everyone do their own thing it's inappropriate why you have to do it so he says you know it does bother them it eats them that another person is driving on Shabbos to our streets and this is who cares you have to have an understanding in this so he's so he said to them what if I took I was eating a Nestle Crunch and I finished it I wrapped up the thing and whoop I just threw it backwards over my head on the sidewalk right behind me right what would you say about that you jerk right what are you doing how can you do that that's not nice why'd you do that I'm on a bus and maybe you were saying like a couple popsicle sticks and you kind of just leave it on the floor right it would just that's not nice I'd rather vote for a good mayor just for littering right that's when I was a little plug for them right just because of littering right that wasn't a plug pro necessarily okay anyways that's not why what's wrong why when it comes to littering do you have no understanding for the person when it comes to if I could say Shabbos to an extent then you don't have an understanding then you do understand the person crossing the answer is I'm telling you a big chunk is how you grew up to some extent if you grew up that this is something that hurts it's painful and when you when you when you when someone hurts you on an open wound so you say ouch and yes that's the kind of what we say nature and nurture the rambam befarious writes both of these he says a person who's raised in a certain way in this and it's fine and we have to understand how other people are and everybody's working at their own pace and there's a great tool for for mahila and Yom Kippur when you have issues with someone because you have to realize not everyone sees the same vision as the way you might have grown up everybody's wearing different glasses but the real Focus I wanted to mention and this is really fundamental is we have to have a life of choices even after our Tendencies don't do things only because of circumstances because that's just the way I've always done things you understand usually there's a certain Chain Reaction if you pay attention to yourself and I'm talking now is before Yom Kippur we could spoke about this from the beginning of Elo and if you pay attention usually there's if I I'm giving you an example there's 100 examples I think you have let's say two children there's the Cutie Pie child that you really like and he's such a sweetie pie and she's so cute and all that right there's that on there and there's a kid who gets under your skin who's a little bit annoying here and there that you have a little bit of a shorter temper with and sometimes you'll find that your automatic reaction to the second child is the different from the automatic reaction the first child no it's not fair they could both do the same thing but when they're bothering you when you're ready to go to bed you're like okay enough no we'll talk tomorrow to the other childhood like yes honey what do you need a person has to make a husband before you do that and say am I always reacting in a specific way am I always reacting in a specific way for a reason if there's any signals I'll know to the uh okay that's uh that's always a question it's a very important idea because you don't realize how much we don't make our free choices we just automatically do things because of our society because of our parents because of our friends because of our conditions yes when we're teenagers we much more did it it was much more accentuated as we all can see from our cute little teenager friends uh children right as we all know but that's it but we do it also nowadays it happens very much many times when a person is light and I'll use this in two contexts for the men and the women when a person is late for davening he comes late to shul per se usually it's an interesting phenomenon they will always end up coming late no matter what time governing is in other words davening is at eight o'clock they come in 8 15. suddenly davening change to seven they turn to seven fifteen one second one second what happened here 7 17 I understand so they make dominating later it's now 8 30 they come 8 45. I understand what's your problem you have trouble waking up at eight they have to be eight fifteen okay we'll wait the dominating 30. everything's good and suddenly no because a certain natural tendency that's just what I do now if I could transfer it over to the women right sometimes I will or skip dovening per se or if I do it I'll hit the sauce button boom right so I'll try to make it the last minute and try to get into sponsori before it passes the one minute and then you know and as I add to a little bit maybe there's some type of something in the middle I was trying to get in a little bit to be able to to do it maybe make that your first priority that's a nice Kabbalah to make before you in Kipper to go ahead and make it the first thing I do in the day now we all have kids we have priorities everybody is individual questions always individual questions of course but the idea is not just to say oh I'm gonna just do this from now on it's going to go do I do this all the time because I always do it have I ever really made a free choice about the fact that I'm dominating or maybe it's time for me to think and think what am I doing and why is it happening and maybe it's time to actually make a choice and change that crew it's change that thing that that I always tend to be that I always tend to be uh doesn't intend to be doing another good example I think is if someone had a hard day you went to work came back you had a very hard day had a hard day with the kids we all understand this we're all in the same boat we all go through these things we all have our hard days in this but you have to remember it doesn't mean it's poetic license to be short nibbed and grouchy and get mad at your husband on the spot to get irritated at the kids for every little thing that they do it comes up once in a while but it doesn't mean you have a poetic license to do it maybe you have to think maybe I'm grouchy right now because I had a tough day it could be so maybe why should I be good just because I had a tough day that's an excuse for me now to be upset maybe something to make a decision and say I'll try to work on it I'll give them a warning I'll say watch out Imo's not in a good mood maybe I'll try to do something like that to make sure I can get ahead but at the same time it does if you think ahead two steps before you open the door and walk in the house it'll change things around it's called free choice I'm trying to free chat free choice what do you mean we always do pretty close to everybody has free choice but think about it how many times during the day are you presented with an opportunity of rejoice and you don't use it you just do it because that's just the way I've always been I've always been doing it okay that's a important uh idea which I could examples can come up endlessly we can come up with a tremendous amount of examples not going to get into over a amount of examples but uh I'm not at all speaking about anyone specifically in this room at all but I'm just saying when it comes to India news now most people dress in a certain way because it's just the way I've always dressed I've always been like that but have I been pushing boundaries have I been doing that again I'm speaking to the camera to anyone it's not relevant at all but have I been doing that so A lot of times a person will just do it because it's just always the way that I've been doing it and that's that's what it is so a person has to be a person has to be very careful to make sure to use this free choice and you don't realize how far this can come I'm going to use more examples I'm going to put that shelve it now because I'm going to use more if I could use a traumatic example soon I use very simple examples soon we're going to get to a little bit more serious examples but I first want to give a little bit of background into this idea now first of all in classic psychology everything in Psychology is a mcluck disagreement so nothing is a perfect science here what I'm about to say but this is definitely a uh definitely a Freudian way of thinking 100 now I know Freudian is not there's there's neophroydian there's all these different types of way of thinking but there is a certain amount of uh reality that they hold that this is this is true and this is what I'm coming to counteract I know rivolby speaks about this and enough of psychologists hold that really really really if I would now first of all it's like this the natural world as we know it right the whole natural world is we know it is very very predictable extremely predictable the seasons are more or less predictable a little bit less a little bit no we know when the rains fall we know when the sun shines we know and we know basically how things are going to happen we know what gravity is we know the idea of conservation of energy there are laws of natures which are consistent period push it simple obviously even animals which you would think oh animals they can predict their migration to a tool to the day almost they always know exactly when the birds are flying south they know exactly when the whales are swimming up north they can always predict everything that's why they're able to catch them and everything that they do they're very predictable everything it's incredible there's a mix of Shiloh again that we know to send away a mother bird and there's always always two eggs do you know this there's always two eggs and always it's one male and one female say that for democracy huh that's incredible very capitalistic everything is always a male and a female egg everything in nature is extremely predictable extremely not what about pre people people are wild they're off the wall they're just so unpredictable you don't know your neighbor from your husband from maybe your kids we all know you have a two three four five six seven eight kids you can have a good number of kids they're being raised by the same two parents and here you have it you have the Dr Jekyll and you have two extremely different type of children how is that possible they're being raising the same decide whether the same parents answers of course so we spoke before everybody has their own two nuts and everybody seems to be extremely different it's very unpredictable right so that is a vote for free choice however the money of the modern psychologists hold that if you would be able to get them on a CAT scan and see exactly how they grew up in the situations that they were and be able to figure out their genes and their hormones and figure out exactly what the nature of this person is is a little bit more Angry a little bit lazy a little bit a little bit you could take all the different meters of a person a little bit more of a depressed kind of do this you could figure that all out you would be able to predict 100 if this guy's going to be a gun of a thief or if he's going to be the gun on the door he's going to be a big Professor or he's going to be a big Rabbi or he's going to be a doctor he's going to be a guy who's going to be a a Serial murderer more or less he's predictable which means more they kind of take the whole free choice out of the out of the ballpark which of course we know not that I recommend necessarily going to a psychiatrist unless it's necessary everybody has to answer questions but many times a lot of what happens to a person will be kind of blamed on someone above you okay maybe it's your parents or maybe some situation or because of this which sometimes could be good but sometimes not it depends and again I'm not going into this thing but all I'm trying to say is this is what the rambam is going over and over he speaks about this in so many places speaks about it over and over we do not believe this phenomenon people are 100 free choice I am purpose quoted that story in the beginning even though it's an extreme story Moshe rabenu is the man of man he is the Navy of Naveen I understand he was born he's everything he's everything and here he is according to this midriff admitting that no he wasn't born Mr Perfect he made himself perfect he's the one who got himself to that place which we will never do but we can know what we're aiming for that means that it's all within our power it's an incredible tool that we have and it's haval to waste it and yes I want to say the majority of the population does waste it the majority of the population doesn't utilize free choice too many people are busy following Society making protests because just everyone else is protesting they don't even know what they're processing about but they're just going to do it because that's what we're doing and a person has to stop look and listen and appreciate this beautiful present that you were giving that we call free choice and it's something that you have to stop and appreciate and utilize it sometimes take a choice one time in a day sometimes at once in a week and think and stop and think for a second am I really making a free choice am I really doing it the way I'm supposed to be doing this is a very important lesson which uh we could be figuring out if a person would do that that's the idea of making a Kabbalah making a change of being able to do it free choice is not an optical illusion it's not as if it's not like that it's real it's a phenomenon it's something that's there I remember when we first moved to it 25 years ago when this was a mountain there was nothing here and uh you know we're one of the first people in the building and someone knocks in our door and they were checking the Mahmud rooms you know the mama rooms the steel rooms that we have in each one of the things and he came in to say for a fee he's happy to check uh the Mahmud room so even sure to pay the money to check the mamado and what do we have to check he says uh they're always the kablanimos cut corners and it's not going to be a safe place to live he says it's not it's not safe he says for a fee we'll make sure I'll check your mama room and you can do it anyways I broke into the discussion it wasn't a religious person so I broke into discussion you know it's a young you know trying to think of that very uh what do you call Ideal so I won't speak into him about different things and he actually when I was talking to him about God or the idea he said well I'm really just a fatalist I believe in fate everything just happens and whatever happens the person nothing is not within you didn't believe in free choice at all whatever was meant to happen automatically happens it sounds good no whatever's meant to happen he didn't that's not what he meant right he understands it automatically things are going to happen and everything's fatality that's how they said in uh in Hebrew that everything is automatically that was the conversation we had so anyways we're talking you go so do I want to take him I said well the truth is if fate is just gonna happen anyway so I'd have to fix my Mahmoud anyways anyway so whatever's gonna happen to me is going to happen to me so he kind of lost the dividend no we didn't our my room is still broken but the center it's okay you know so far 25 years with one explosion here it's we've been okay we are we see that there is such a phenomenon of understanding there's something called free choice and to appreciate it there is a example which I saw I saw muscle ones with no Weinberg I'm not going to use this example I'll say a real story which I know from a friend of mine of a person this was a somewhat relative of his I'm a distant uncle or something like that a person who was very poor and this just brings out strongly what I'm saying he didn't have very much money he worked very hard the only good person worked it worked hard at the age of 65 he was he was already doing his pension and he found out and then it was needed him for some reason some people do this thing it was hidden to him that really 20 years ago one of his parents or one of his relatives I don't know who it was exactly left to him about 10 million dollars he had 10 million dollars for 20 years in the bank which he never knew about and here he was working like a dog for the past 20 20 years true story the guy couldn't believe it it was taken by such surprise and he committed suicide he was so upset about the situation here I was working like this and this and that because I don't think it was Jewish by the way I'm not sure if he was Jewish I'm just taking that on the side but it doesn't matter the story doesn't matter the idea is the muscle you have an you have a gold mine within you and you don't use it that's that's that's depressing It's upsetting you have this cherished thing that we call free choice to be able to be able to use it you have the the capability to be able to use it and to leave it there unused unturned just to do everything just because I've always been doing it not to make the change not to utilize a free choice for what it's worth so that's a real haval that a person should should leave it to uh to such an extent okay that's uh that's this idea that I really feel is important to bring out the ramen brings over here in chuva also he brings another idea we know that the mission Imperial says a person is very important because you build with its element and over there the mission explains that no doublo should never bet what is this so says free choice why are we a telemarket we also think about this incredible feat that we have that we're telling monkey and we always wonder what makes us a telemarket an image of a the way we look we look like Hashem it doesn't sound so right right it doesn't sound like it that Selma came as we're free choice we are the only existent being in this world that has free choice animals don't have free choice everything is in nature like we spoke out everything is natural did a miracle because Hashem was the only thing with free choice he's the only thing whatever you want to call it with free choice and here he is he made a being that also has the power of free choices potential that we were given in order to do it it's an incredible potential that we're utilized for we're able to use our intelligent for incredible things incredible things what a person can do every time I fly on an airplane I look out the window and I'm absolutely marveled by this edifice it's an incredible thing this this thing I could I you wouldn't be able to pick up a tire on this on this on the attire let alone the hundreds of people the luggage the weight of this thing and who the heck is picking this machine up who's picking up this machine where is it it's flying the air air pressure is building up that's what we call flight the imbalance the air pressure is able to pick up the wings and all of a sudden this whole tank is able to fly up into the air this is an incredible thing that they created I just look at it and I marveled by it but we're kind of just used to it so we don't really appreciate it so much but you see the power of man what we're able to do with every choice the incredible things that is under our fingertips I'm not getting into space shuttle because they still haven't gotten one maybe soon uh muscle let me go on one but because that's that's that's an incredible thing that we're able to we're able to accomplish and therefore a person has to appreciate these powers that we have I saw one time in a cutting of a newspaper from rampinkus right after he passed away passed away right before the Twin Towers he passed out in 2001 a little bit before the twin towers and over there they bring the story an interesting story which is overrides what I'm saying over here I mean similar to what I'm saying over here they say that when he was in New York he was in New York giving some assurement he was walking around in Manhattan and he saw and when he was there he was looking at the tremendous skyscrapers that were there appreciating it and he said similar to what I was saying about an airplane just now incredible he was looking at man can build such a structure 120 stories high just an absolute incredible edifice how do they get in and so stable and so there and it's able to stand alone and appreciate and look at the airplane this is Mama sometimes this was written four months before the Twin Towers crashed I'm not kidding this one you know that's when he said this piece and he said he looked at the airplanes and say wow incredible how they can create such things and then he said after he finished rubbernecking looking up at the top of the skyscraper he looked down and then he looked at the man who created these towers who has went he goes it doesn't fit like something's wrong the he was talking about the person and the way they act or the certain way the society they don't act like the thing that the incredible things that they're able to build but they don't act like you would think that they should be based on this incredible thing that they're able to do and he brought a story from time during World War One was in his health and he was loading in his house and he had a granddaughter it was known he had a granddaughter that everyone like the enlightenment move in Alaska that she was taken to the Alaska she was out in University and she was that religious many times they were being swept away as we know back then and anyway she came to her grandfather during World War one so this is about when he was in an elderly age it was probably in his 70s in his mid 70s this is I remind you and she came to him and she goes Grandpa Saba is 80 ad matai until when are you gonna stay in the dark when are you gonna get out into the light into the real world you know say to me don't say it all the time okay his granddaughter said that to him when is the time that you're gonna finally get out and go out into the real world smell the coffee get out why are you just stuck in here Behind These Old decrepit books it's time to get into the real world that's what he said so he took his lovely granddaughter to the window and he pointed out to the window and now back then like I said it was in the middle of world war one so there were these if you've ever seen the little uh black and white flicks about these things there are these little biplanes like that you know with the guys with the cap and two people in the back flying the little planes that were flying with the propellers they had to right and they were flying the plane there was one guy flying and there was a guy in the back seat with a little Dynamite sticks boom it's no Dynamite sticks and that's how they were you know in the middle of a World War that's part of the way the world they were dropping Dynamics he says see those planes one day those planes are going to land on the moon he said trust me one day those players are gonna limit see those vitamin sticks one day those bombs are going to be destroyed it can destroy the whole entire world they will have power to destroy the entire world he says and he said in Yiddish that's what they make that's what they're meant mentioned but we make people but we are busy making people we're busy trying to build a person they're building devices things which could be good and it's utilized but it's busy that can be used for the wrong things also the atomic bomb but we are busy building up a person that's what we're trying to do building up a person means taking a free choice thinking what am I doing wrong and how can I make a change how many times am I reacting acting in the same way just because that's the way I've been doing it all the time to go ahead and make a difference in the world to be able to do what I can do now I'm going to get to the second step it won't take too long don't worry um this one might be a little bit more disputable I'm going to show you based on the rambam in many writings from many whoever know Weinberg you speak about this but uh and others this one I think not everybody might agree 100 but you'll see if you follow me to the end that it's as a truth to it also when we're discussing again the power of free choice we live especially as we've it's always been around for a long time but we live especially specially in a world of addictions addictions okay we know addictions are a horrific thing that gets to a certain parts in our in our in our brain and sometimes a person yes he gets addicted to certain things in the olden days Sader it was drinking maybe a little bit more with a cigarette and of course now it's gotten worse and worse it's up it's upped its ante to drugs to internets to all different types of of in and there's every type of it used to be just Alcoholics Anonymous now there's every other letter in the book to people for rehab and going returner is a as a backup it's it's that there's addictions is something that's a very uh unfortunately too much of as they say and the reason is because if everything is available suddenly you become addicted to it that's the real answer back in the olden days people had a certain amount of self-discipline and that's what it was nowadays we're not taught self-discipline we're not raised with self-discipline it's anti-democratic to have self-discipline you're supposed to be into things for yourself that's why you have that many people making these protests on on in Tel Aviv because they want to be in charge of themselves they don't want people telling them what to do there's a certain idea that we know called internet and listen to this yes free choice also applies to addictions I tell you this with a cup of the grain of salty after the end but yes even with a person who's addicted to a certain extent if a person does what we're about to explain and again I take this from the Safari I'm not saying my own things okay but if a person takes us to the extent even an addiction can be chosen to stop to stop it to to limit it to avoid it to get around from it free it doesn't make sense to a certain extent that Hashem would give us a special thing called free choice and we wouldn't have free choice that he would take it away from us sometimes he did it by Paro he took away as a punishment but that's not that's not what we're discussing and that is a very important concept most people think you know I'll say it over with a story from shock was one time asked by the person he said why is it that every time decision especially before I was showing him I tried to make a certain decision it's always hard for me to stick with it I always have difficulty sticking with it why am I not able to uh to be able to stick with it that's what he has so Sarah and he spoke to mice about himself he says most people are making a decision are making a mistake they think that the reason why you fall after making a decision is because of a circumstance that happened what we call actualizing a decision you made a decision later on something happens I fell into the Trap again I couldn't do it he says it's not a mistake that happened afterwards it's a mistake that happened at the time you made the decision if you made a decision the way it was supposed to make if you made a a full-fledged investment with a commitment with a conviction that's the perfect word here with a conviction that this is what I'm gonna do then yes even when the circumstances come up afterwards you will be able to avoid it should never happen when a person has to go to the hospital because they had something that they were diagnosed with and they have to do radiation or arminan if such a thing happens the person will not have trouble waking up in the morning they will make sure to be there on time for the appointment they will make sure to be there they won't get lazy on you they won't kind of round off Corners they'll do what needs to do why because this is something one has to do right this is something that needs to be done and if it needs to be done I will do it when something knows and someone's convinced that this is the right thing to do then he will do it and he will do it the difference is and again I don't speak to any individual here at all speaking to everyone and I 100 include myself and I'm just trying to say that to be like an honor or something I mean I'm including myself also and that is that the problem is faltered in the commitment in the decision in the first place we're not committing it in the original decision I'll try saying I know I'm having trouble with them I throw them out or I say the wrong brother please nether I'll try I'll try it I'm going to try to do it no but Shaq's had an example about himself and actually heard it even before I saw the story he said about himself used to smoke cigarettes he used to smoke cigarettes first I want to point out Rashad was born in 1899 1898 and he died in 2001 and he saw three centuries pretty impressive he lived 103 years old that's not a vouch for cigarettes okay that's not what I meant to do but what I meant to say is he was smoking when he was younger as we all know cigarettes were a besider Gummer on the contrary if you look at the books cigarettes were considered healthy it was good for you to smoke a cigarette have a cigarette it's good for you relax now the truth is so to speak it is good to relax for the cigarette I'm not saying I never smoked in my life don't worry I'm not even saying that right now we all know around the 30s and the 40s we found out wow this causes lung cancer this is not good the 50s the 60s had started coming out and everyone started reading this is killing people it's making people amputate legs this is not good if you don't know what I'm talking about look at any cigarette box there's a lot of cute pictures over there of what it does to a person and we all know and that's right well none of us are smoking but what I'm trying to say is that's why he did it said in the 50s when it was finally decided nimnu of a gumro when it was decided and he was already 50 years old at the time at the time that was decided that cigarette smoke is not good for you he stopped on the dime on the dime he was smoking over a pack he said he smocked on the dime the next day he didn't so it was a little bit hard but I did it he stopped on the dime he stopped smoking a hundred percent how is that possible well I must be oh because he learns a lot of time it's also true I agree it's also true but it was the commitment it's a person who knows discipline a person knows this is what needs to be done he does it the decision it's not because he bumped into a cigarette in the wrong never never bumped in another cigarette no he knew this is what needs to be done he had 100 conviction that this is what has to be done and it was done finished finito that was it it was done because that's what and that's what had to happen and therefore it had to be I'll tell you another story there was a person who was in America in a market he was in a market now we all know in the markets they're very nice to us and by the by the checkout counter when you're going to pay when you're going to pay they give you a big line of chocolates and sweets and all these Schmucker things on the way out why because and they also they do very intelligently it's usually about a height right around here because that's the height of the kid who's in this who's in the stroller when you're pushing it on the right right so you can like all you have to do is just reach and he's got it it doesn't have to do mine the perfect really psychology is incredible if you if you ever go and study markets they're they're very impressive they put the milk in the bread which is the basic necessities all the way in the back because they want you to walk through the whole entire market and you know pick up some things on the way they put the chat the candies and the chocolate right in the front counter because it's not the thing that you go shopping for so they know that on the way you'll be able to pick up something on the way and do you a favor anyways so when he uh so also a person was here in a market in America and he saw the lady behind him who was rather who had her son next to him and he started asking her for some treats now I have to point this out and I'm saying this stereotype away even she was a colored lady okay he was obviously she was not a Jewish lady she thought she was black she was not a Jewish lady you knew she was a Jewish and the child was asking he said no no she said no you can't he said please Eva can I just I'm not sure even he said mommy can I please just have uh have this she said not kosher what she said not culture so he said okay and he stops the guy was like one second this is incredible he couldn't believe it he saw it happen again with something else that's what he said I can't open you know I'm not usually the most talkative type of guy he had to ask me he said excuse me or are you Jewish or like kosher like is that just like uh seven mistress you know like the other what they call the seven seven laws that the the going what's the question thing she goes I don't know I always come to the store and I see these little cute Jewish kids that are always asking for Canon candies the mom says no no and then she says to him not Kosher and they stop and they stop and I said wow this is a magic pill this bill this is incredible not Kosher is that one what happened well I said when he says no no I said no they don't listen somebody said now kosher why because kosher is a No-No finished conviction it's done with it there's no there's no black and white with it it's that's it there's no questions about it when it comes to I don't know maybe so then I could play around with Mommy I could I could make take advantage of her but if it's a question of it is it kosher or not Kosher there's no Hector is a Twinkie you can't have it it's full art no questions finished it's over it's all a matter of decision it's conviction if things are hazy then you're right then your Cabela's on Yom Kippur will not necessarily work which I said is that it's okay we all mess up I'm not saying not to but at least we have to know what our direction is I'll give you another example with my own personal example which my wife knows this example of it's okay but I like using this example because I think it brings it out very well I was also in the market once and this one's with me and you know you walk through the market you go in America I'm talking about you walk to the market and you go through the Section we said non-kosher stuff and you go right through them I don't I can go through them I don't even look twice you know old things from when you were younger and nothing there's no no questions about it there's no you see non-kosher things you don't go and eat it you have no questions but then you go to there's a line in certain places in Los Angeles I assume in New York also you have these aisles in the market which is the oud section now this is the most painful i o for a person to walk through if you keep a hold of Israel it's incredibly painful if you could if you want to go to best it's as good enough it's the second class over there also I live across the street from best does good for me but anyways the o-u-d-i-o if you keep calling Israel is extremely painful you have to pass through the Entenmann cakes and then see the donuts and then see the Oreo cookies and all these ideas snicker bars and the Hershey's and you're like oh wow I can handle this this is fine you know do we keep it you know and ask my wife do we keep calm yourself in America you know it's only in Israel that we care because maybe I'll be here we can like pass a bill you know I come from a past where I used to eat this stuff what can I tell you it's a tiny mosquito if you're not right that's it you know it brings a certain Association that is 20 times hard in the back what's the difference you know Twinkies are much less tastier than uh than that or going through a Winchell's or one of these uh on those funny places or McDonald's it's less tasty no the answer is over here there's no there's a conviction there's a decision there's there's no question you never have I mean there's no yet Sahara about it anymore it's been killed you made a decision and it's over and that's what it's about as opposed to when you go through as you say the part of a section when you go through the part that so over there there's room for thought there's room for messing up there's room for a decision that wasn't a hundred percent there's room on a conviction that for a decision I made in Yom Kippur that a week later you end up not keeping two because it wasn't a hundred percent fully done it wasn't 100 fully uh fully conviction fully convicted to it you understand that is the idea with this we have a tremendous understanding into a very difficult rambam thank you because the rambam says the ramam says these words how does a person do chuva who she is he should leave the sin admit that he's not going to do it and say that he's not going to do it anymore he says a line here which everybody talks about and they don't know what to do with this line well the ramam says you have to have an eduta testimony from your dead from that says you're not going to go back to the sin anymore you serious come on the light Landmark or the location he says he says you have to have such a way of doing it that even says you're not going to do it now we all mess up and we all you know we make we don't we don't you know I I still have this similar list of my Kabbalah that I do for Yom Kippur I keep it from year to year and my mocks are it's very tucked in well right and we we do go back to the things that we've done I'm not saying we haven't but what does he mean when he says make sure something is doing he's saying what we're doing make the decision so positive I'm doing a proper decision so positive that this is like night and day it's like keeping kosher it's not a question I'm gonna do this I have an issue with speaking English I'm gonna make it this time now now just don't go uh cold turkey so you have to make the Kabbalah intelligently obviously but you have to know an issue with a certain thing I'm gonna make sure that now I'm not going to fall into this thing I have an anguisher in my house I get angry too fast and I'm going to try to do something about it this time during when I walk in for the first hour which is usually the time I'm most angry I'm going to really try to do this and then you know what you do you go and learn some about anger you want to do something even better you're not going to do this but take a video camera yeah back then video okay I'm sorry take your smartphone right I'm very behind you thank you as well and film yourself when you walk in when you're having an anger spell and watch it and watch it it's a very good thing to do it's a very good thing to do when you're having it now you'll never do it because when you're having it nobody wants to do that so I'll tell your husband to do it but then you'll beat him over the head but he said it but to add them that's something that should be done that you should watch what you do and you'll be so positive that's the wrong thing to do and the decision will be a hundred percent not 50 50. it won't be maybe it could be you understand that is what the Rama means says wow you mean business I see you really mean it over here that's the idea of what we're trying to do it's an interesting thing if you notice when we make we said it's hard to keep two sometimes it's hard for us to hold on to it and it's not so easy but we have to we try and we try to do it but if you find and I think many of us can relate to this one but the answer is the same as I'm speaking about chuva someone who's Jose he comes back in his closet about juva a real world there's soon right on every Yom Kippur you're about Cuba but a person who's closer not necessarily of course is always cases and everything but more or less they don't go back to suram they usually just keep to it they don't stop keeping coach stop keeping Shabbat they do they will close a bit that's it they stick with it what's the difference why when I make those few decisions on Russia which is a lot easier than a balchuva start keeping kosher Shabbat snoot whoa this is crazy covering your hair well the crazy decisions about super makes it's unbelievable I'm not convincing you not to I'm just saying it was a big thing when a person made the decision and here you are after you do it and you stuck to it Hashem you're able to do it and when it comes to these smaller things that we make about us we don't so what's the answer what's the reason why it's uh why we're not able to do it why we fall to the cracks so the round mom answers that also in peroxide when he talks about the idea of doing chuba he adds a very important thing here he says the idea of Aina Ghazal he says don't think the chuva means only if I stole or if I did something bad or if I screamed or things like that or if I did something that was off he says not only from gezel or from uh illegal things or things that I'm not supposed to do it's not only from those uh places he says rather a person should also be Hosea from deota also from even from Bad midots a person has to make sure to because there even from bad traits if I have bad character traits also that a person has to work on not just an action that a person does also from a bad character trait that is also what he's supposed to do how can I go ahead and do such a thing and you know how am I able to change a character trait so the rambam actually says how to do it he actually says when you when you do it you have to go ahead and come back and be okay over here he says these words take it away from your mind okay it's one two words of the rambam but he says take it away from your way of thinking in other words he's saying it's not enough that I decided I won't do this action real real chuva a real Cabela is a change of frame of mind I have to change the way of thinking what's the difference between a balchuva and when we go through Yom Kippur and do that type of balchuva a baltuvet change the way of mind I grew up in America I don't like the philosophy it's too free there's no type of limitations they overdo their lusts and desires there is no real simcha in the boat it's a facade we know it's not real you ran away from there there for a reason the world of atheism is ridiculous if that's where you came from everybody came for wherever they came from it comes you you changed your mind frame your whole way of thinking took a 180. you understand it switched over and that's why you won't go back to those old ways that's why your frame of mind was different you switched your Yasir this is the only one place where the ram usually Ramen says yeah over here he says meaning you do a full 180 to do a proper Kabbalah on amida even if it's an addiction a person can do it if he decides this is not something I want to stick to it's not something I want to do I want to be able to get out of it we were all addicted to nothing from beforehand that was just my that was my nature that's who I was if you want to make the change you're able to do it but you have to make a change of mind a change of the frame of mind and yes it means all type of statuses some people are rabid complainers if I could say they're called in Hebrew in Oregon a person who is a constant complainer and you will know that you don't realize it so much until and it's a good thing when someone points it out to you chances there's going to be your spouse but even if it's not but when someone points it out to you take it as a presence it's a good thing to know that maybe I bicker too much choose your complaints today I already complained twice that's it no more no more complains shut your mouth damn it enough I can stop it well that's a classic thing that comes from no choice no free choice I just do it because automatically when I see something that irritates me I complain about it complain and complain about it unfortunately you know always everybody has reasons for everything but a person who is very depressed on a constant basis or very upset about it it comes in a certain place but it doesn't mean that a person can blame the world blame everything blame my parents play my spells but my kids I blame society I don't blame the rabbi okay blame whatever I blame someone you have to always blame someone and that's not good it's not good sometimes you need it to a certain extent but that's not the way we work that's not the way we work a person has to take responsibility for himself and make a proper decision decide why am I always like this and go ahead to make a switch we are people a free choice gave us a present and utilize it I I know that example was extreme a little bit with a guy who committed suicide but he had such a he had an odd sort of 10 million dollars in his bank and he never knew it's such a depressing story it's so sad you can cry from such a thing but you're doing the same thing we're doing the same thing when we do it repeatedly and we end up doing it and that's why a person has to know how to take advantage of the situation and to make it that he will be able to do such a thing okay so that more or less um is a rundown of the you saw that I wanted to uh to bring out here and I think that it's a it's an important lesson to be able to to figure out it's a lesson in everything Shalom bite myself my children I'm telling you everything I remember one time I was unfinishing basically uh when I was younger also and I was I used to go on the bus to the mirror with a person who was a doctor and he was going to the mirror also he left his job and he went to he used to go to learn you just go to learn he took a sabbatical but for a few years he was making good money in the mirror and the mirror Ken or a mere salary you get right that's what they have but anyway so he was going to the mirror and and I used to sit on the bus with him and he just talked to him sometimes now look being about chip also sometimes you could be a little bit sarcastic so he had something that bothered him was in the parsh at that time and he found it always humorous to say that Rifka we all know the story with Rifka and she took care of Eliezer with the water and pouring and feeding camels wow running home and she got engaged and how was he the ripe old age of three years old yeah he didn't like these things I understand you know you know some things that we would say the great assault he was a little bit more come on and I met three years old you can't be serious this is like it was like humorous he was laughing at the idea so I remember talking to a tell me about it someone who is now a proper Tony Clement is a good friend of mine it was very a very intelligent person also also a balchuva and he said something so true which is everything we're basically saying now it all depends on how you raise the kids to a certain extent I don't recommend doing this the way how the way they raised Rifka I don't necessarily recommend doing that that's all I mean but I mean to say that if you compare and that's an easy comparison here you could do even now you compare how we raise children let's say in America to how they might raise children in Israel already as we know at the ripe old age of six years old she's crossing the street with a three-year-old brother why not right again I'm not pro I'm not saying that's good it'll never take me further and I'll get hit over for these and that's not what I meant but it comes from a certain maturity because they're raised in a certain place again I'm not I'm not I'm not pro this we didn't do it right my wife is here we did not do this it would kill me he said you made it sound like we did no we didn't do this that's not what I meant I just meant to say that there's a certain maturity that comes out you know people speak about this like I know the uh McCarthy people they always say it's ridiculous people have 10 kids and this and that look at the older kids in a 10 kid family how responsible they are how crazy they don't help babysit they don't help their kids they know how to cook they know how to be they're so much more responsible my wife has made this joke also the certain relatives they have they have their two kids they're like wow how do you have eight kids oh my God two is crazy I can't handle two they're making me Meshuggah I'm going crazy and can't do it they say yeah if I had your two kids I also wouldn't be able to handle it either I'd rather have eight or mine and not two of yours that's the MS because the way they are raised is a certain type of immaturity or if you want to say spoiledness or a certain thing that they're not ripened yet until they get older and older and older maybe when they get to 36 they're ready to get married okay maybe but that's something it all depends a certain manner so this Rifka she was raised we know 100 years ago that they're already starting to work 10 11 years old that's it you get on the field get your sandals out there and get there get the get the hoe and start digging we all know that they're already responsible at that age so back then that's what it was and it's a real answer it's a true answer that's how they were raising again nowadays we don't do these things that's what I meant to say but it's all a matter of how a person takes the law into his hand it's your decision it's a free choice bottom line I said no hidushim nothing new I spoke about free choice free choice when you go home and says oh what is your husband what do you speak about free choice God that's it was there anything exciting this week no the amount of conviction that a person can take if a person realizes what he has and the choice is here not just in making decision I won't speak Russian anymore I won't do it and the way to do it and this is the igorithm the villain going rights in a few places it's not just learning Musa which is good we all learn Musa women learn it's very important learning if you have to do it don't get into over details but when you learn you learn how severe it is you learn how bad it is or you know what don't just learn Allah just read a few stories about how people get damaged by The Listener give me right now a few stories about time it's over the bells ring already but just read about a few stories about how bad it is and then when you make that decision it'll be real you'll live it it'll be from a year it won't be a one-time decision to say okay is coming so believe that I'm gonna be more it's a new one for now and I'm gonna be more it's a new one think about what it's causing read about bad it is or the the son that it does or if I could say you know everybody has their issues if it's the men or the women each one has their issues but women can have a internet addiction to social media that's usually a bigger problem with the men and women men have other issues the social media went to him and he's stuck in it and going on it and again and again and again not referring to anyone specific here again I have no idea it's not at all but the idea is that you know stucco you have to always see these things people that they have 100 filters everything's clean everything's there but they're just stuck on the screen every time you get this Clip In that clip in this clip and this coming the next you know it's one in the morning and you don't have it and you're so tired of the morning you'll have patience for your children to help them out because why why why why do that why can't a person make a commitment to say this will not be done I know how bad it is I'm going to make a decision not to do it pick that one thing and go with it and go with it other self realize how bad it is study it for the past year all the damage that it's caused talking about all the things that we mentioned that will be the koak to be able to be able to to get to such an extent that a person will be able to get that far it's an incredible thing I think it's a very big tool and if a person realizes is able to do it then he'll be able to reach that thing because of our our and if everybody makes one Kebab they don't make the whole entire share worth it when is pushing yourself [Music]