Tucker Carlson Commencement Speech #shorts #comedy #impression #satire #tuckercarlson

Hello class of 2026. >> [laughter] >> It's amazing what you've accomplished. It's unbelievable actually what you've done. And I think we need to start by thanking the Qataris for funding most of your classes. >> [laughter] >> But you're entering a world that I don't even know if it's real. There's so many options for you. I know many of you political science majors who are interested in political organizations might join Hamas. From what last I heard they're a political organization. I mean I don't even know if that's true. By the way. And to all the history majors, where my history majors at? F Winston Churchill, am I right? What an ass. [clears throat] And um schools of social work and rehab. I mean there's so many options for you. You could join the Taliban. >> [laughter] >> I mean they have a great rehabilitation program. They do. They really do actually. For the med school students, I mean I know you're just going to give everybody FENTANYL BECAUSE BIG PHARMA. >> [laughter] >> UM SHUT UP, NANCY. UM AND so just remember as you embark on your journey to go out into the world and you work hard during the day and you go to sleep at night. I mean just watch out for demons cuz they could molest you at night. They really could. >> [laughter] >> Oh, yeah. Oh. And I say that as a man, as a white person, as Christian. And you know, just make sure to pray a lot, five times a day. Why not? That's the country I want to live in. And I also want to say cuz I think it's important to say this that murder of innocents is wrong, period. No matter who does it. And if my brother went on a drunken drug-induced murder spree, I wouldn't turn him in. I don't know if you saw Ben Shapiro's commencement address, BUT I WATCHED THAT. I SAW. [laughter] AND SO AS YOU go on to this next chapter, just be wary. Be cautious of people who might manipulate you, who might try to confuse you, who might try to demoralize you because they could be right in front of you at all times. They could be talking to you at this very moment and you'd never know that. So, you should know that. And I mean that. I really do. I really do mean that a lot. Could be staring at you right in the face. I was molested by a demon. Okay, thank you. Who booked this?