Bubbe's Tears | Rabbi Usher Yisroel Lissauer

I grew up in Manhattan to a secular family, traditional. We made Kiddush Friday night. My mother lit candles... before Rabeinu Tam. It was a different world. But since I was a little kid, I knew that there's a מציאות of Hashem that runs the world. It was Pashut to me. Everything that I learned about Yiddishkeit, stuck to me right away. If I learned Shema Yisroel, I was saying Shema Yisroel every single day. If I learned that talking to Hashem was something special, I would be constantly talking to Hashem. And if I learned that saying שהכל נהיה בדברו is what we have to do before we drink a glass of orange juice, I would be doing that, too. And that's how I progressed, even before my Bar Mitzvah. When I became a Bar Mitzvah, and I was in a Jewish Day School, a Modern Orthodox Day School in Park East, so then I learned Mishnayos, I learned about Gemara, I started putting on Tefillin every day. After I went to high school, I became even more frum. I started being Makpid on Chalav Yisroel, I stopped eating at home and I was at odds with my parents. My father looked at me like an extremist. He didn't understand, as one that grew up in a Kibbutz, How could it be that his son that has everything, a music school, Juilliard Pre-College, the best education, a professional guitarist, all of the music artists are looking for a guitar solo from him, and he's looking to learn old books from 2,000 years ago? But I was stubborn. I ended up leaving home and going to the Nanasher Rebbe in Riverdale and coming to Lakewood to Rabbi Moshe Pruzansky’s Yeshiva, and then going on further to Eretz Yisroel to Chazon Nachum and to Kollel Hora’ah, and L’ma’alah Bakodesh B’siyata D’shmaya. That's my life's journey. But something was missing. I never understood what was the trigger. Nobody told me anything. Nobody tried to pull me in any direction. What got me so attached to Yiddishkeit? One of the Rebbes that I encountered in my life said that there's no explanation to your story besides Zchus Avos. And then four years ago, I got the answer. My old Bubbe in Tveria told me the story. She came from Morocco. Mishpachas Elbaz that are Meyuchas to Mishpachas Abuhaziera. Mishpachas Abuhaziera is Meyuchas to Mishpachas Elbaz, better said. And she doesn't have any frum grandchildren. She has 150 decendants, Bli Ayin Hara, and nobody is a Shomer Torah Umitzvos, nobody observes Torah and Mitzvos. She used to cry by the Shabbos candles with תרעומות, with טענות כביכול on Hashem, How could it be that I was so Moser Nefesh, I sacrificed so much as a young widow to keep all of the Mitzvos that I had to keep, that they tried to convince me not to do and I don't have any grandchildren, Chas v’Shalom, Shomrei Torah Umitzvos? Then I understood. I am made out of my grandmother's tears. The Ratzon to do Ratzon Hashem, the Bubbe wants it, her tears affected me in Manhattan. That showed me the significance of what Chazal say, In the way that a person wants to go, they take him. Who are they? Says the holy Maharsha, The Retzonos of a person create Malachim. If they're good Malachim or Chas v’Shalom, not so good Malachim. And when a person has a good will, he wants to be close to Hashem, the רעותא דליבא, the desire of the heart to be close to Hashem, to do Hashem’s will, then good Malachim will come to take him to the best places possible. That's what's going to keep us closest to Him. That's what's going to keep our eyes pure.