The Ability to Say No | Mr. Charlie Harary

In the 1970s in Stanford University, there was a researcher named Walter Mischel. He conducted an experiment that seemed a little trivial, but ended up becoming one of the most important experiments in human behavior. It was called: The Marshmallow Test. He brought children in, basically of the same background, mostly kids of professors in that area, and he gave the kids a very simple proposition. Here's a marshmallow. It's in front of you. You can have it if you want. But I'm going to leave the room and when I come back in a few minutes, if you didn't eat the marshmallow, you get two marshmallows. He left the room, went to a one-way mirror and watched what would happen. For some of the kids, they poked at it and they smelled it, and they held together, and they distracted themselves, and they waited, and they played mind games, and then came in the researcher, after a few minutes, and gave them two. And for some kids, they couldn't handle it. That marshmallow, the smell, being alone, the sugar, it was too much. After a few seconds, they ate it. Then he tracked these kids for the next 20-30 years and his results were outstanding. What he found was the kids that held on for two marshmallows, those kids had more success in their scores for college, more success in their relationships, more success in their careers. In fact, the difference between the kids that had one marshmallow and two marshmallows was incredible to predict their success in life. Mischel uncovered one of the most important נקודות on human behavior. You see, the most powerful tool you have for success in your life is actually the ability to stare at a marshmallow and say, Not now. or: No. Not for me. That נקודה, that strength changes whether you can study, how you grow, your relationships, sticking through tough times, being able to overcome challenges, being able to see things you want. A person's success in life is centered around his strength at staring at something and saying, No. or: Not now. You know, the Mishnah in Pirkei Avos says, And you look at it and, like, you’re almost, like: Really? That's really a strong person? Doesn't strength have a lot of properties? But the Pirkei Avos is saying something so much more fundamental. The נקודה הפנימית, the innermost point of any level of strength is saying: No. Not now. It's not mine. It’s not right. Every single day, Hashem sends us marshmallows. Not to make us weak, not to bring us down, but to make us stronger, to give us better lives, to give us better relationships, to give us better careers, to do our Tafkids in this world. And every day, when you look at your life, you will find marshmallows popping up everywhere. And every time you say: No, every time you say: Not now, you're building that muscle of Gadlus. It’s just a marshmallow. And when we're able to say no, that muscle strengthens to give us the life that we truly really want.