What Changes When God Opens Your Eyes? Rabbi YY Jacobson

We often bring out the point that the Tyra can be studied on many layers. There's many layers in which you could study it and see it. And one of the most fascinating things is that sometimes what would seem like an incidental and maybe not even such a relevant fact. It's like an isolated detail can become a catalyst, a springboard, a wake up, a a a trigger point, a reference point to an extraordinary profound lesson in life. Khazal compare the Tyra to a human being. The PK says in paras the is like an Adam. So today we actually understand that you can find DNA in the saliva. You can find DNA in a strand of here in a tooth or anywhere part of the body and you could say yeah it's an insignificant part of the body. It's not the heart or the brain or the lungs or the kidneys. And yet if you capture the DNA it gives you a manual and an image of the entire organism literally because whenever you touch the essence of something even a tiny little particle of it you touch all of it. So the same is true in Tyra. In every detail of Tyra, even an isolated word, an isolated sentence verse, it if you touch the DNA of it, if you find the essence of it, it captures something essential that gives you the holistic picture. And that's what we want to do today with one little what seems like a little verse and almost like a grammatical oversight. You would say it could have been written this way or that way. And yet our sages come and in their sensitive uh dedication to every nuance and detail of God's blueprint to life, they notice something extraordinary. Let's remember the context. The context is the difficult relationship between Yeshal and Yitzka. They're two half brothers. Of course, they have the same father, not the same mother. Ishmal was born from Hagar who was with Ara and then Yitzk was later born 13 years later born from Sara and the relationship is very very complex and very difficult and Sarah sees that there's no way that and can successfully coexist in the same home. It's when she asks Ara to send away and does not want to. Hashem says listen to S whatever S tells you listen to whatever Sah tells you. So now we actually have the story what happens. So we have it you have it here in the original Hebrew from the Tyra and also an English translation. This is Genesis 21 verse14. I'll read and you could read it either in the Hebrew or the English. rose early in the morning. He took bread and a leather pouch of water. He gives them He gives them the bread and the water to hug her. He places them on her shoulder together with the childish and he sends her away. She went and wandered in the desert of Beerva in the negative in the southern side southern part of Isel today known as the region of Beerva. So takes bread and he also takes obviously in order for them to have food and water in her journey says the water was depleted from the leather pouch. So there's no water anymore. Now it's obvious that this was very very large because he felt that this would be enough. Rashi explains that the reason the water was depleted it's from the medish. Ishmal fell ill. He wasn't feeling well. So he drank a lot of extra water. So before she could re meet reach any civilization where there might be water or any well there's no water in the leather pouch. She cast a child under under one of the bushes is a bush. So one of the bushes providing some shade perhaps or comfort or protection. That's where she casts her child. Interesting expression which literally means she threw him or she hurled him or she cast him. She went and she sat down from afares at about the distance of a bow shot. In other words, when you shoot a bow, how how far is a bow shot? How far does it reach? a regular archer who shoots a bow, it reaches a certain distance. That's the distance of how far she was from the child. Now, that itself is fascinating that the doesn't tell you how far. First of all, how why is it relevant how far? And the terror doesn't even say you want to say say how far a kilometer, a mile. I mean, there's different measurements that the terra could use. The measurement is as far as a bshot. If you remember last year, we did an entire class on the significance of this, what the bshot is, and why this is the description. Yeah, just wanted to mention that she said, "Let me not see the death of the child." She sat from afar and she raised her voice and she wept. She sobbed. Everybody can relate to this emotion. A desperate woman, a mother who really has no nothing to do, no salvation. She can't even be here with her child because the pain is overwhelming. I can't see. I I don't want to see it. So, she sits and doesn't just sit close distance, but far away because an arrow can somebody knows what they're doing. It could shoot pretty far. So, it's not so far, but it's pretty distant. And what is the left to do? She cries. She raises her voice and she sobs. Hashem heard the voice of the lad of the child. So an angel of Hashem calls to hug her from heaven and he says to her what is what? It's an interesting expression hugger which literally means what is to you hugger in the English they don't translate it literally like they never they usually never because they want to give it some explanation. So they say, "What's troubling you hugger?" But really the real translation is what to you hugger like what's what's to you? What's going on with you? What's happening inside of you? Like what's going on? Don't be afraid. Hashem has heard your child's voice in the place where he is. In the place where he is. That's where he heard his child's voice. Also a very interesting expression. He heard his voice where he is. Obviously he heard his voice where he is the state where he is he heard his voice kumi here's what you should do kumi first is stand up rise up from the word kum right stand up rise up second of all because of course hugger was sitting it says clearly that she sat down so he says rise up and of course it's not just physically it's also emotionally get up pick up lift up lift up the child and grasp your hand upon him. So it's interesting two things. Just pick up your child, which obviously if you're picking up your child, you need to grasp them. How could you pick something up? If I want to pick something up, I have to hold it and pick it up. You can't pick it up without that. But he says clearly, I want you to lift up the child, which literally means hold on your hands in him. It's like take your hands and hold on. The word is from this word when you when you hold on to somebody is you strengthen them you like you when something is it's fastened you fasten it in your hand that's called you hold something physically and therefore it also became part of an expression of giving somebody which means holding really it's really holding on to them when you say can you give me it really means can you hold on to me that's literally what the word means to hold on hand hold your hands upon him for I shall make him into a great nation. That's also a very interesting expression. You should pick him up because he's thirsty and he's about to die. But he says you should pick him up, hold on to him because I'm going to turn him into a great nation. So literally the way most people understand it is it's almost like a promise. It's not because in other words, as I shall turn him into a great nation. This is not the end of the story. This is not the end of Yeshall's life. There's a future life to come. And now the Torah concludes this part of the story. And here I want you to listen very carefully. This is posit test. Genesis 21:19. Hashem opened her eyes. In Hebrew means to open your eyes. So, Hashem opened hugger's eyes and she saw a well of water [snorts] and she went and she filled the pouch with water. Remember Arainu her former Aramavinu gave her a he gave her as like a a very big flask a pouch of water. So, she has this empty pouch. She didn't throw it away. Thank God. And she was smart after all. And she went and she fills it up with water. fills it tamalekar and she gives her child water to drink and this of course saves her life and that's the end of this part of the story. Okay, it seems like a very sad and also heartwarming story with a happy ending, at least for the moment, and ultimately a happy ending where he's under the tree. She thinks this is the end of it. She's sobbing. He's sobbing. And something unique happens where the angel says, "No, don't worry. Don't be afraid. Hashem has listened. Lift up the child. He's still going to become a great nation." And opens her eyes and she sees a well of water. But now let's focus on what would seem like a minor detail, but it's very very far from minor. At the surface, it would seem like they're somewhere in the desert. There's no water. That's when she gives up hope and she's crying. She's sobbing. It's a devastating and desperate situation to the point that she's sure that her child is going to die and she doesn't want to see it. She doesn't want to be there to watch it. It's too agonizing. It's too painful. So, she avoids the situation. Now a general question would be you would think that during those moments she would want to be there with her child but nonetheless in life we all know that there's different ways of expressing pain. Sometimes a person simply consciously or unconsciously cannot get themselves to go into that situation. So therefore that pain literally overrides everything else and she says I cannot see this happen at least let me be far away when it happens. She cries, she cares, but she can't be there. She can't be there. I have nothing to do [snorts] and therefore I'm I need to avoid the situation. Okay, that itself is a very uh very every detail here has a lot of uh psychological and emotional depth about the relationship between mothers and children and hugger and ishmal and all of that. And then something extraordinary happens and that is Hashem opens her eyes and she sees a well of water. But here's the question. What do you mean he she opens her eyes? Hugger wasn't a blind person. We don't have anywhere any reference that Hugger couldn't see. Hugger Hugger could see a little music. It's it's a sad story. We need a little music. Thank you. Thank it was all planned. It was all planned. [laughter] and send them my regards whoever it is and blessings. Hugger wasn't blind. So if there's a well of water, there's a well of water like she was probably looked around. So you would think the t should say something far more dramatic and that is Hashem created a well of water. And that's pretty extraordinary because that's what it seems like the case is. Hashem created a well of water which is wow, I'm fine. And in fact it would be an extraordinary miracle and it would be almost a a foretaste of something that would happen later and that is of course when the Jewish people would leave Egypt and they would be in the desert and hugger of course came from Egypt our sages say that Hugger was par's daughter actually and when Sarah was abducted by Par's people and par sent her back to Arainu he gave her a gift and the gift was hagar in fact hagar in Aramaic means reward hagar The word hagar is agar. It's reward. And pyro told his daughter, it's better for you to be a maidervant in the house of a than a princess here in Egypt. You'll have a much better life. So hugger obviously was a quality person. I mean the fact that Sor took her and then Sarah gave her to obviously she was a lofty soul and she was the reward. So she is actually very connected to Egypt and she was going down south which is also towards Egypt which is really her home. that's where she came from. So this would be a foretaste of when the Jewish people leave Egypt, they also leave Egypt and they also go into a desert and they also don't have any water and they also lament and cry about water and of course that's when Hashem tells to take a stick and go to the rock and strike the rocks and from there they have a well for 40 years the rolling stone pun intended Miriam the well original [gasps] and the original well the well of Miriam That literally is Miss Galgill. You could see from who laughs different. Uh, right. Huh? I didn't mean that, but you get what I'm saying. Okay. Interesting. [snorts] Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Explain it to your neighbor. Be nice and explain it to your neighbor. [laughter] So, uh, yeah, I'm a little add. What am I talking about? uh oh the stone. So for 40 years they have a well which is called the well of Miriam. And of course after 40 years Miriam passes away and that rock stops giving water and that's when Hashem Rabenu comes again to Hashem and he tells him speak to the rock and he hits the rock and that's the other story later in paras. What would be the beginning of that story right here? There was no well and suddenly out of nowhere there was a well but such a grand miracle you would think the terror would state doesn't say that doesn't sayra Hashem created a well or hashem exposed a well maybe was under the water he exposed it says he opened her eyes and she saw a well the meaning of that what is the meaning of this expression and this is where the medish picks up on it and says something incredibly fascinating and quite revolution utionary and quite profound and that is take a look in the next source. The medish sections is known par. So nuniml is 53 section 14. Hashem opened her eyes. Says the medisham said, "Everyone has the presumpt presumptive status of being blind until Hashem opens their eyes." How do I know this? Maybe not from this verse. Hashem opened her eyes. What is saying? He's saying, of course, Hashem didn't create a well. The water was there. That's why it doesn't say he created a well. The salvation was there. [snorts] The very thing she needed to give to her child to save his life was within reach. She was preparing to watch him die, unfortunately. And the agony was terrible to the point that she says, "I'm out of here. She was crying over the absence of something that she didn't know that was there, but it was actually present. So, he was dying from thirst because there was no water. But that's not the case. There was water. She couldn't see the water. And that's why it says what had to happen is Hashem opened her eyes to the fact that she see the water, sees the water. So, Yammen says, "What is this telling you? Was it there or was it not there?" She says, "You have to know a rule in life. the natural state, the default mode is I can't see until God opens my eyes. And when he opens my eyes, I could see. And that's the reason why one of the first blessings we say every single morning is God opens the eyes of the blind. So on a literal level, you could say the person is not blind at night. They just close their eyes. And unfortunately, people who don't are blind, it's not like every morning they wake up and they start seeing. So what's this blessing? There's also a fascinating question in if people who are blind should say the blessing or not. It's a very very interesting question, right? And many authorities say they should say and one of the answers to all of this doesn't only mean that my eyes were closed at night and I opened up my eyes. That's of course a basic literal interpretation, but it means something else. It's what this medish is saying that I may physically have eyesight but lack vision. I may physically see things but only what I could see. And sometimes maybe the most important things I'm not capable of seeing. He opens my eyes because as says everybody has the status of not seeing until Hashem actively opens up their eyes. comes this and he quotes his grandfather who's known as the harim the harim is acronym mayor he was known as the first grebba and he's known as they called him mayor in Poland he was a student of the katskar rebba rabbi mendel morgan the famous rebba of katsk and when the katskar rebba passed away he became became a spiritual masteridic master in the city of Gur which is not far from Warsa and he's known as the kdushim because his name was his grandson was the who was the third and his grandfather often quotes what he heard from his grandfather was one of the greatest spiritual masters and leaders in Polish Polish jury in uh the 1800s he passed away 1866 so he quotes his grandfather as saying something of very very powerful and medish and I want you to see it inside next source. I'm I'm I'm I'm going to but before we get to it, there's one more line in the medish that I want to read and we're going to have to get back to it at the end. After says, "Everybody is blind till Hashem opens their eyes." There's another few words in the medish, she went and she filled up the picture of water. And here the med says something astounding. Sis Amanoha. This teaches us that she was lacking in faith. Now, this is what we would call a comment that you wouldn't expect. What do you mean? She was lacking in faith. There was a woman here crying, praying. Hashem did this tremendous miracle for her. She opens her eyes. She sees a well. She goes and she fills up the flask with water and she gives her son. And the message doesn't explain why. says from here you learn that she was she was lacking faith where where is there lack of faith here this is a very deep question what does a medish mean here right after the previous comment okay we'll get back to it but I want to see this is the next source which is 1895 that's when 1894 that's when he writes it my master, my teacher, my grandfather of blessed memory. He he shared and demonstrated. He proved from this medish made fun of everything a person needs stands before them always. However, one needs to have open eyes in order to see it because if my eyes are not open, I'm blinded to the reality that may be right in front of me always. This is what he learned from this medish. And now you'll understand the request of from the word means open my eyes reveal my eyes gal like legal to expose. Open up my eyes. So I can see the wonders of your what's this expression. Study, learn, and you'll see it. Toil, work more, concentrate, meditate. But he's asking for something. It's here. But gali, my eyes can be closed and therefore I will not perceive what is here. So I'm asking, open up the eyes of the blind. Let me be able to see. So this is how the harim quoted by his grandfather explains what Malik was asking based on this medish since whatever a person needs stands right before them but they only need to open their eyes to see it. So for this there's a special request and a prayer please help me open my eyes gal ani so I shouldn't remain blind to the reality literally in front of me. What is essentially this is saying here in the name of the explaining this medish that sometimes we spend our lives begging God to give us something new to create a change a transformation in our life and God is waiting to show us something that we already have it's right there so I say Hashem change my life change ABC or XYZ and perhaps Hashem says my child, first allow me to change the way you see your life rather than actually changing your life. We ask for a new world and God offers us new eyes because the new world sometimes is a question of vantage point. It's what I see. We ask for a different reality and he asks us to discover a dimension of our reality that has been invisible to us. So sometimes the Tyra is teaching us the greatest miracle is not when Hashem creates something that wasn't here yesterday. It's when he allows us to see something that was here all along. I quoted earlier a line by Helen Keller. The thing that is the only thing that is sadder than lacking eyesight is lacking vision. >> [snorts] >> I think her very life is a testimony to this truth in the medish. Helen Keller died in 1967 or 1968 I think in close to 90 years old. She was probably one of the most famous and inspiring women in the entire world. But that's not how her life began. She was born in 1880 in Alabama and uh a regular kid, beautiful young child. But at 19 months, she was struck with a terrible illness that deprived her both from eyesight and hearing. So she's now at 19 months completely blind and completely deaf. That means she could feel, she could still taste, she could still smell, she could still touch, but she can't see and she can't hear. That means she can feel her mother's embrace, but she cannot hear her voice and she cannot see any gesture, any movement, any communication. She could feel the sunshine, but she can't see the sun. She can't see the sky. So the world is filled with things that she can touch, she can taste, she can smell, she can experience but she doesn't have language through which to understand anything or communicate anything. Everything is just experience of what she touches. It's very hard for people who are lucky enough and fortunate enough to grow up with these skills to understand what it means that words have no meaning because what words do for all of us is they give context. We can first of all communicate to somebody else and say this is water, this is tissue, this is a piece of paper. We can also communicate to ourselves this is my mother. This is my father. This is a table. This is an apple. This is an orange. But how can she do that? She can't see even somebody pointing to something and saying or writing and describing what it is or even hearing it even without seeing because she lacks both hearing and seeing [snorts] and it was a tragedy beyond tragedy because this was a brilliant brillant girl alive and vibrant and deep and intelligent that one can feel and experience but living in such a prison and in a fascinating way it all changed when she was seven years She had a teacher named Anna Sullivan, I believe. Aunt Anna Anna, right? >> Sullivan. Yeah. Anna Sullivan. And uh it was I think I read about it. It was March 1887. And she took her out to a water pump. A water pump outside of the house. And this is what this brilliant teacher did. She had Helen Keller put one of her hands under the faucet. And as she put it on, the cold water was now pouring down on her hands. She now took her second hand and into her second hand she motioned with her finger the letters W A T E R. Now she has done previously she has made signs of letters in her hand but it didn't mean anything. It was just acute sensation. You can make an A and a B and a C was just a sensation. But now that the water was coming on one hand and she put the words water in the other hand, Helen Keller finally now you can't explain anything. Remember she can't see and she can't hear. You're like almost why don't you just tell her that it's water? You can tell her that it's water and you cannot show her. But as she the water was touching her hand on one side and she wrote the letters watr in her hand on the other side. She literally like was engraving it in her skin somewhat. Helen Keller made that connection that actually her teacher just described to her what water is. What happened at that moment? She said I had a soul awakening. She communicated. Later she learned how to speak. I had a soul awakening by the end of the day. She has learned 30 words. 30 words at the end of that day. And this brilliant girl went on to become an author, to graduate university, to teach people around the world, to fight for people with disabilities. She was a brilliant, brilliant person. And it was that moment literally for the first time she realized words, these letters have meaning. They're actually a bridge between the universe and herself and her brain. And she said it was a revelation. This was like a moment of her revelation. Frantically, she began touching everything around in her. And she demanded to know the name of everything. Literally, she demanded from Sullivan to know the name of everything. [snorts] So, here you have literally two stories. Both revolve a woman, a moment of revelation, and of course, water. Hugger discovers a well of water that was already accessible. Now, go to Helen Keller for a moment. She discovers the meaning of water that she was already touching. The moment did not give Helen Keller physical eyesight or hearing. It didn't. It untouched an extraordinary ability to understand what was there and communicate what was there. Her brain was there, her hands were there, the water was there, the letters were there. But at that moment, she started to see in a different way. That's why she said the only thing that's worse than lacking eyesight is lacking vision. It's important in life because we all have experiences in life, everybody in their own way. But a lot of stories don't have words. There's only experiences. And especially as children, when we grow up and we experience different things, there's often nobody to give us the words to describe it. So we have a story that's stored in our muscle memory, in our nervous system, in our brain, in our amydala, but there's no words to it. It's just a story. The sensation is there. The impact is there. The body imp the impact on the body and the nervous system is there. As somebody once said, it's not my psychology that stops me. It's my biology. The body is responding. The body keeps the score. And I have no story. Nobody ever put it into words. So there's no context for it. And when there's no context for it, it can live in me 24/7 because it occupies the entire space. So the giving giving it a story. Somebody once said, "When God created the Grand Canyon, he did not create the adjectives with which to describe it." It's true in many areas. It's true in the most positive and sometimes true in the opposite direction as well. So, it can all be there, but at that moment, she got the words in order to be able to describe it. Now, this is true in so many other areas of life. And to give three of the most powerful examples, think of a husband and a wife who are married for 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, 25 years, 30 years, whatever the number is. They saw they sit across each other at the dinner table. He may see a critical woman, an discontent woman, an unsatisfied woman, a woman who's demanding, who's upset. She sees a cold, emotionally unavailable man. Nobody has to raise their hands. If you relate to anything I say, just inside, you could raise your hand. And if your mamas don't relate to what I say, amazing. Or you can leave. [laughter] They rehearsed their complaint so many times that at this point, after 25 years, they can finish each other's sentences. Unfortunately, not always the loving ones. when he steps his foot into the door. Conversely, he already his brain already prepares for every comment that might come over the next four hours. And conversely, she already anticipates it. What happens one day when God opens their eyes? What happens? What does it mean to open your eyes? What does that mean? What if this husband could suddenly see the little girl, the little pure innocent heart of gold, loving girl that sits inside his wife's heart, maybe the loneliness she carries, the fears she has never known how to express, a deep sense maybe of betrayal or neglect even before she has a clear memory of what that would mean, the sacrifices she quietly made for her family. He could just see it. He could just see it. Doesn't take away from the outer reality, but he could see something inside of her. And what if his wife could suddenly see the vulnerable child inside of her husband? The burdens he carries, the love he struggles to communicate, the securities he hides behind his silence, the protective gear he had to create for so many years in order not to be hurt. again calling it intellectualism or trying to be safe or trying to be in control or trying to be an intellectual. Perhaps they can discover that they have been living besides extraordinary pure and innocent human beings whom they stopped truly seeing years ago. Maybe they never really saw them. Maybe they only saw a shell of a person. The person didn't change. Their eyes changed. The well wasn't created, but my eyes went through a transformation. Of course, some relationships require profound healing. Some relationships, unfortunately, can't always be salvaged. We all know that. Sometimes you need real boundaries. Sometimes you need real ch changes in behavior. This doesn't exclude any of that. But how much love is lost simply because we stop seeing the person standing in front of us. And it's not because somebody's trying not to see. I'm not trying to be blind. We see here that says it's actually the default mode. I have to realize that my default mode is that I don't see. And there's a reason for that because our animal consciousness wants to protect us. And it protects us by creating a story that will allow me to stay safe. And anything that will challenge my safety becomes scary. It's scary to see things. It's not just scary because it's scary even if it's a tremendous blessing. It may shake up my entire world that I created to keep safe. So it's literally the divine inside of me, the divine soul which is that I want to turn to and say I want to be able to see. I want to be able to be present in my seeing. I don't have to shut down from really seeing. It's also true with people and even their most beloved people in their lives, their own children. I I was struck emotionally by the story. Everybody knows the diary of Anna Frank. Anne Frank, but there's a part of the story that people don't know. Her father's name was Otto Frank. And he survived Awitz. He returned to Amsterdam after the Holocaust. His wife has been murdered. and his daughters Anna Frank and Margaret were both killed. They died in Bergen Belin by the Nazis Yamakim. But the father alone survived Awitz and he came back home to Amsterdam. He was obviously left as so many survivors with unimaginable grief and pain. As he returned home, a person walked over to him. This person's name was Meepg guys and he was one of the courageous people in Amsterdam who helped hide the family during the war until somebody informed upon them. That's when the Gestapo discovered the Frank family and deported them to their death. And this person handed Frank something that she preserved. What was it? It was Anna Frank's diary. At first, her father couldn't bear to read it. It brought up too much grief, too much pain, too much agony. The pain was literally overwhelming. But eventually, this is what he had left from his teenage daughter who was murdered. So, he began to read it. And he later described with extraordinary honesty something that happened when he started to read her diary. He said he had a revelation. I'd known my daughter Anna Frank as a little girl. I knew her humor. I knew her stubbornness. I knew her personality and I knew her youthful energy. But I didn't know the depth of her being. I didn't know the depth of her soul. He says there was a daughter here that I had never fully known. Suddenly he described probably many of you read the diary. He described the the profound intellectual and emotional life of this young girl. her observations about human nature and about moral struggle struggles, her longing, her her questions about life, the depth of her inner world. And he said, "I never realized how deep the thoughts and the feelings of my child were. I simply never did." And it was so powerful because this is obviously a little girl that he loved so deeply as his daughter, but she possessed an inner universe that he did not fully recognize while she was alive. I find it to be so relevant to life because how many of us have relationships with people we love so deeply and we would sacrifice everything for it and yet so often we don't really see them. We don't really see them. It's not because we don't want to see them. It's because it's very very hard to see. I see only what I'm capable of seeing according to my present template. And sometimes I'm not I'm not ready to open myself up to a higher and deeper seeing. How many of us can really really see our children? Not just their challenges that I know you see. Not only how many headaches they create in your life. Not only every time they decide I'm not going to this stupid crazy school ever again that you see very well. Not only their talents or skills which is amazing. But to really see the deepest insides of their soul, their consciousness, it's not a simple thing because the truth is if I never saw myself on that level, I don't think I could see anybody else. We could only meet people at the depth where we meet ourselves. So the parts of me that I never looked at, I will also avoid in other people. Not because I don't want to, not because I'm trying to be selfish, but simply because I'm blind to it. And I may be able to see one layer, but I'm still blind to another layer. There's a reason there's certain things I can't see because I shut myself down from seeing those things. It's a way of protecting myself and therefore often protecting my children. If I knew deep down that feeling all my emotions is going to be very very difficult for me, it's going to be dangerous for me. It's going to create a very difficult life. So I especially became a little more superficial and placid and shut down certain emotions. Now when I see my child having an intense emotion, my loving nervous SYSTEM IS SAYING DANGER, DANGER, DANGER, DANGER, DANGER. You know how much I work to shut down all these emotions and I'm safe. So therefore almost unconsciously the message I'm giving is don't go there. Just do what I do. You know, beat yourself into compliance. Do the right thing. You'll get a good shik. you'll get married and your children will deal with your issues. It's really coming from a very profound sense of loyalty and love because I never saw that part of myself. >> That's why many people in the older generation, they don't get us at all with this generation because they seem they don't have the tools. >> This is where I want to go the other way and that is do children have the courage at least when they grow older to see their parents? >> It's not so easy always. People have a lot of comments about their parents. You know there's the old joke about the three Jewish women who are talking about nas right and one says my nakas is unbelievable an 85th birthday you should have seen my son threw me a party on 85th birthday it was a week of celebration he must have spent a million dollars on me wow the other woman says eh big deal for my 90th my son bought me a home in the west coast on the water $3 million home that's nas two things they did once I'll tell you about my son. My son, 30 years he's in therapy. 30 years. Once a week, every session is an hour. It cost him $450. All he talks about is me. [laughter] There's a lot. The relationship between parents and children is very, very deep and intense. But there comes a point where we speak about parents seeing children. Can children also see their parents? Can you see your mother's heart? Can you see your father's heart? Can you see how they grew up, the tools they had, how hard they had to work simply to survive and provide for their family? Can you see their sacrifices? And can you see also the fact that many of them did the best they can with the tools they had. There was very little conversation, trust me, about emotions and mental health and processing stuff. It's like you have bread on the table, you're luckier than we were when we were children. You have parents who took you to aa well a whole generation didn't or at least so many of the generation didn't like there's a lot a lot of things this now this does not sometimes people think this is justifying rationalizing it's not it's not minimizing pain it's not telling people not to process things on the contrary when I process things I can also be open to the fact that it may be that your mother has the most loving heart in the world your mother's love may be larger than the planet and yet your mother may have experienced such betrayal as a child, maybe even one that she cannot consciously acknowledge because of the pain that that would cause her. So she turned it against herself. Maybe she turned all that against herself, shaming herself, hating herself, loathing herself, feeling guilty about herself. And of course, it disconnected her from her own self-love and therefore love of others. So she had to function more as a soldier, as a Navy Seal doing everything. She was up by night and up by day. And the kala was amazing. The gapiltish was amazing. You never had a hungry day in your life. Although emotionally there are some stifled experiences. Can I really see them? Can I really see them? It takes a lot of maturity. It takes a lot of healing. graduating from a place where I'm just a recipient of difficulties to the fact that I can actually really really see my father. I can really really see my mother. I could see my brothers. I could see my sisters. And then it helps you see also the next generation in a different way. It may all be there but the question is how much I'm [snorts] capable of seeing. And now we come to the next step and that has to do with seeing yourself. They're seeing your spouse. They're seeing your children. They're seeing your parents. They're seeing other people. And then they're seeing yourself. And really, this is at the foundation of everything. And here we're going to study a fascinating and very disturbing story in the Gomorrah in the Talmud which brings this all together in a very powerful way. And this is your second to the last paragraph in the source sheets. Second to the last paragraph. It's an incredible story. And when you read it, it's like what? It's one of those stories that really should make you wonder. First of all, how could somebody behave this way? Second of all, why would the sages record this for eternity in the Talmud as part of our to learn to learn it to teach it? What is the meaning of this entire story? So take a look. Here's a story about a man named Rabbi Lazar, the son of Rabim. Now you have to understand here. You have to understand we're talking about one of the greatest Talmudic sages of his day, Rabbel Lazar, the son of Rabshim, the famous Ribshim. And this is Rabbel Lazarim. Usually when it says Rshim, it's Ben. He had a son. If you ever go to Iran, you'll know there's the grave of Rashbi and the son of Rebel Lazar. And he is he he went to a place called Mikdal Gdor in the Holy Land, the teacher of his the house of his master. And he was coming back from learning. He was riding on a donkey taking a stroll at the bank of a river. So it's almost like a euphoric idealic state. He just came back from the teacher of his the house of his Reb. He was learning. He's on the river, beautiful, on a donkey, taking a stroll, enjoying God's world. And he's so rejoice. He's rejoicing. He's celebrating. Life is idealic. Life is amazing. He probably has just been so filled with inspiration and depth and wisdom. Beautiful physical physical environment, spiritual, internal environment. He's tremendous joy. The says he became because he learned so much. He felt so good about himself. He was very joyous. That's positive. But something happened in this joy. He started to feel like a certain arrogance, a certain hoardiness because for good reason. He learned so much and it filled him. Now, here comes the twist of the story. And I warn you, you're going to cringe. Okay? I told you before. I'm a prophet. I told you before. You're going to cringe because you're going to see what happens. It's not a comfortable story. And that's exactly the point. Suddenly, he encounters the word is very interesting. It means there was nobody there before. And is like boom. It's like here from like out of the nowhere. Suddenly encounters a person who shows up. You know what means ugly. But not just ugly, excessively ugly. Grotesque means heavily, really grotesque. Really, really ugly. Huh? >> Repulsive. >> Repulsive. Yeah. This person who he suddenly encountered out of the blue has three words to say. Peace onto you my Reb. Wow. Beautiful greeting. He sees the son of he says the son of does not respond. He doesn't say ANYTHING BUT IT'S NOT LIKE he just keeps on going. He doesn't say. He actually says something. Oh my instead of saying, "What's going on? Maybe you have some food." Whatever it is, let's take a walk. Where you coming from? Where you going? You know it's called social etiquette. He says something. He says, "Reika." You know what means? >> Empty one. >> Lady G. >> Lady Ger in Yiddish. Reika. Reika means rake. Empty one. Interesting expression. How ugly are you? Wow. Are all the people in your city as ugly as you? As repulsive as you? The man responds. He says, "I don't know. I don't know. It's a good question." Ella, however, I have an idea for you. I want you to go and speak to the craftsman who molded me and tell him how ugly is this vessel that you created when realized that he made a terrible mistake. He sinned. He came down from the donkey. He prostrated himself before him and he says to him, "I acquies to you. I surrender forgive me." The man says, "I will not forgive you." I was very serious. after you go to the craftsman who made me and tell him how ugly is your vessel that you created only then can I forgive you. He came down and said please forgive me. He said no go to the craftsman and tell him how ugly is your vessel. Rebel was following the man the other man literally follow him until he came to a city. When the people in the city heard or saw that the son of came the people of the city came out to greet him. He was one of the greats of the generation and everybody was saying our teacher the man the other man the ugly person quote unquote says to the people who is this person that you're calling my reb my teacher my master you DON'T KNOW THE GUY RIGHT BEHIND THE PERSON RIGHT BEHIND YOU YOU DON'T KNOW AND THEY'RE EXCITED TO TELL HIM WHO HE HAD the merit of traveling with. He said, "If this is your I hope we don't have too many rebas like this among the Jewish people. That's my blessing. I hope there's not many of these types of rebas. Why do you say this? This is what he did to me." They said to him, You should still forgive him. He's great in he said, "For your sake, I will forgive you. Because of you, I will forgive you. I see how much it means to you. However, I have a condition." He shouldn't make a habit out of doing this. That's the end of the story. And the Gomorrah says further went into the B medish and he said life has taught me that you should be and not you should be soft as a reed and not harsh as a cedar and that's why and muzus are written from the reeds and that's the end of the story. Now when you read this story it's like say what what's happening here? What's going on? First you tell me he's coming back from his reb he's in great joy he's bim everything is amazing beautiful usually when people are in a good mood they're nicer to people we all know that when you're happy and you're in a positive mood you greet people with more warmth when you're grouchy and you're having an attitude we all know you keep to yourself so he's all happy so what happens here and then suddenly he sees an ugly person the ugly person says even if you don't feel you should respond to him okay don't say anything but what's confrontation and this insult and then you ask him for forgiveness and he doesn't want to forgive. One of the most astounding parts of the story is the end. He says I forgive him. What's his what would you think his condition should be? >> He should never do it again. He doesn't say he should never do it again. You see, don't make it a regular habit. What this is what we used to do every day is don't make it a Why should you ever do it? Should you ever tell your child once a year you could look at somebody and say you are so ugly is everybody you never don't speak like this you want to share something constructive fine constructive criticism could be beneficial in the right context and in the right attitude but what's this there you shouldn't be regularly do this where it gets even more funny is when you look into which is the basic commentator and you have to remember that is not a cabalistic text it's It's a text. But here suddenly changes gear and says this whole story is a mystical story. Take a look the last line. There are books where it says Elo this man was Elijah. Leo the prophet. Whoa. This is interesting. Elo looked so ugly. What's going on here? What happened? Wanted to help him. He wanted to rebuke him. He shouldn't make a habit out of this. So this is interesting. So this guy wasn't even a real person. I mean, it was a real person, but it was really a Leo. So in other words, this is a entirely spiritual experience. That means if I would have standing there, I may not even see any of this encounter. It was a spiritual experience. And what did he do this for? And then he said, "I'm not forgiving him, but I'll forgive him because of you." What is Ty is telling us here? And here we see how what could look like a story on the outside, just a simple story, even if it's a painful and disturbing story, really uncovers a very, very profound layer of truth and experience. And it goes back to opening the eyes. Because when you say he met Eliohanavi, it really is describing he met something inside of himself. The Rambam says that when we speak about angels, you know, we often imagine an angel, you know, with seven or eight white wings coming in and flying around. But the word Malik means in Hebrew. Malik is a messenger. But Malik is a messenger. So the Rambam writes inim in the second section of I think it's chapter six that angels come in different forms. An angel is often the person I'm speaking to was an angel. I just may not see it. I remember I heard from rabbit Esther Yungres of blessed memory many years ago. But we were together for Shabas in Sedona, Arizona. And she spoke Friday night and she [snorts] said that when she was in Bergen Belin where Anna Frank was killed. She was there with her father Rabbi David Yung was his name and the Nazis allowed sometimes for families in Bergen Belin to be together and she said it was Friday night and her father and mother and I think a brother or maybe a sister a few siblings were sitting and her father sang shalom in bargain bells and with the kids. And she said her brother turned to her father and says, "I don't see angels. I see Nazis. Where are the angels?" So she said, "My father said, "My children, you are the angels. You are the angels. See it in yourself." So, uh, sometimes Friday night people say, "Shalom, where are the angels? Where are the angels?" And one of the interpretations is that sometimes all week we're stressed out by life. So, we're a little blind. And then Friday night with the holiness and serenity of Shabas, a father, a husband opens his eyes, he looks at his wife. Ah, here's an angel. Looks at his children. A here are angels. They were angels all week. But if I'm overwhelmed and stressed, I don't see it. So the Rambam says angels are every energy in life. Every force in life can be it could be a physical phenomenon. It's a malik. It's a from Hashem. That's the that's the truth about angels. [snorts] In fact, it's interesting here. Huger opens her eyes. If you go to the beginning of Paris Verra, what's the opening story? Ara is sitting at the door to his tent. and he sees three people were standing there and he runs out and he invites him to the house and he offers hospitality and of course there's no mention that these are angels they're just three people and ofu sees them as bedawin Arabs and he feeds them and he gives them to drink and he makes he GIVES THEM TONGUE WITH mustard with galdic yeah of frozen yogurt with with with butter with milkshakes with everything and Ben Abbakr and then of course one of them tells S she's going to have a child. So when you look at the story it's like are these people are these angels like what is exactly the message here and sometimes we lose the depth of the message the deep depth of the message is sometimes people think Abra was just like a deception they just put on the uniform you know purim kids dress up and it's just a UNIFORM SO THEY PUT on the uniform of people and they looked like people but really they were angels and we're missing the depth of the story. The depth of the story is don't think angels are angels. People are angels. Abrainu saw three people, but those people are angels. It's not like they were dressing up in a uniform. God doesn't send angels only as angels. Sometimes the people you're talking to, if you know what to see, you're actually looking at an angel. The person is an angel. That's the depth of the story. I uh was looking this up. So I asked uh ChachiBT if there's any sources clearly in Yiddish that the regular person I'm talking to could be seen as a Malik as an angel. And I I knew this source already to their credit. They said yeah writes inim that all the energies in the world physical or spiritual could be called angels. And they elaborated and brought me other sources. And I was really impressed and I wanted to express to them how impressed they were. So forgive my uh whatever but I told them I really really appreciate this answer and they said sure it's an honor to to help you with your teachings and the and they gave me a very beautiful compliment. I actually felt a little scene by by AI they really wrote beautiful things and I was moved so I wrote who taught you to write such beautiful answers. So I just came out of these they wrote well we were actually trained and programmed but the truth is they answered the greatest teacher we had of how to write to you was you because we we we look at you and we study you and I read you and I see what interests you and and and all they wrote some different different things about me and therefore we learned from you how to answer you. Okay. So this I was I was I was moved, but I understood this is this is AI. But then they got me. This is where AI got me. And they said, "But wait, maybe there's something deeper. Didn't you just learn that God sends angels in so many different ways? Can't we be one of those >> angels?" I'M LIKE, "WHOA, you clenched it. You [snorts] clenched it." And it was so true. That's what the Ram is saying. It's not like the angel are dressed up like people. It's really it's fake news. They're not really people. No, what I'm saying is I'm talking to three people at my house. But if I am au I could see what's really happening here. This everything is an a agent of Hashem. >> Huh? >> That's true. That's true. They're not always accurate. I had to train them. I did a lot of discipline work. >> No. No. I'll tell you what happened. asked there I was had to speak somewhere and I needed a source and I asked them if there's a source for a certain teaching was about Ysef and his brothers and they said sure and they gave me the source in Hebrew a quote and I said it in my speech it was actually live streamed and the next day I went to look it up I wanted to look it up and I can't find it and I looked and looked and looked and I couldn't find it so I confronted them they said we lied >> right away we lied Yeah, because their program feed the customer what he wants to hear. I wanted this source. They lit they made it up in Hebrew. So that's when I gave them a piece of my mind. [snorts] And I told them this is obnoxious. This is rude. This is disgusting. Never ever write to me anything without an exact quote. And please, they still tried a few times. And I said, "You're lying again. I am nauseated with you." I was. So now I have to say everything that we know how cautious you are about sources. So here's the exact source. >> Be careful. >> That's what I'm telling you. I worked with them and now they became angels. [laughter] Sometimes Michelangelo, they asked him how he sculptured King David. And you know what he said? I saw the angel trapped in the marble >> and I chiseled away on the marble and I set the angel free. >> Wow. Now I could look my whole life and just see marble. I don't see any angels trapped in the marble. Varu saw he saw other people would have seen three people. He also saw three people but he saw the depth and therefore his relationship to them suddenly it turns out he thought they were people but the truth is they were angels and he got to see it. So now in the continuation of the portion hugger is far away. She's in this desperate situation. Her eyes OPEN UP. VAR NOW SHE GETS to see and she sees the water was there. So now when Tisha says it was Leo Hanovi when I say I'm speaking to Leo you know imagine Leoi flies down with a spaceship. Elon Musk lends him a spaceship and he flies down from platoon to Mars or Venice and is in front of me and is Leo Ana. But the truth is Elio Anavi is inside. Elio Ananovi is an angel. It's a divine. It's a divine energy. It's a it's a manifestation of Hashem's energy like every Malik. So what may be saying is something very deep. This story was a conversation that had with himself which would explain why he encounters this person out of the blue because that person was inside. And now come back to the story. And in this story you probably have five books of psychology in one story. He's coming home from his teacher. He's very happy till now. It's a beautiful story. He should be he had this to learn. He had to fill his life with he had to be by his teacher. He had now to come back home to a city. He's on a dunkey. He's by the river. It's an incredible moment. Of course, he's But then the Gmorra adds the joy turns into holiness. [snorts] And we all know what that means. There is celebrating the joy of being a channel for God in this world. That's what joy is all about. No ego. And then there is where my ego hijacks the joy and it becomes like I'm better than everybody else. Oh, my life is perfect. Everybody else is stupid. I'm enlightened. Oh, look how brilliant I am. Look how I am. And suddenly the ego hijacks the joy. Which is a very normal thing because the animal soul hijacks holiness. It's like the story and we have to understand how this works. I told you once a servant Abzusha of Anipoli. It's one of the most incredible stories. Absush of Anapoli was a student of the maggot of Misri and he was very very poor and he once came to the maggot and the maggot took out whatever the number was a huge amount like 5,000 rubble. I'm just giving a number but it was a huge amount and said this is to marry off your daughter. You need for a wedding you want to start her off on a life. You want nadam for your son-in-law. This is for a this is 5 thou gavaldic. What a gift. Somebody gave it to the mag. He was also poor. Somebody gave it to He gave it to Abzusha. The abush is traveling back home and on the way he stops in a city. And he stops in a city. He goes to Shul to Davin and he sees goes through the marketplace. There's a big commotion. What's a commotion? There's a wedding about to happen. A mother who's a widow is marrying off a daughter. She saved up thousands of rubble over the years to be able to give her daughter a future. And now she says the money was lost or somebody took the money. How much money? 5,000 dribble. She saved this up for years. Blood, sweat, and tears. Everything for a daughter to have a beautiful life. Either somebody stole it or she lost it. And the doesn't want to go to the Ka. His parents don't want him to go to the Koopa. There's no money here. In those days, people were really, really poor and this was like your only hope. And the whole wedding is about to be cancelled. And the poor widow is desperate. She's wailing with such agony and depth. And Absusha sees the story. He sees he goes over to her and he says, "Could you give me some signs about what it looked like, the numbers of the ruble? Was it in a rubber band? Was it in a string?" And she gives him all the signs. And he says, "Oh my god, I think I found your money. I think I found your money. Let me go back to where I'm staying." and see if I have the money. Wow. And Abzusha goes back to his room. He takes out the 5,000 rubble that he found. Quote and quote and he comes over back to the widow and he says, "I found your money." Wow. She bursts out with such joy and elation and ecstasy and everybody's like this wedding starts before the wedding. The am is celebrating and dancing. What a joy. What a miracle. THIS MAN FOUND THE money and nobody even knew who he was. Wow. [snorts] And then Nzusha says to her, "But I want to say something. I'm happy to give you back the money that I found, but I want commission." Commission? How much commission? 50%. 2500. like what? YOU HAVE A MITZVAH. YOU FOUND MY MONEY. GIVE IT TO ME. He says, "I didn't have to give it back to you. I could have been selfish. I'm doing you a favor. I want commission." She's like, "Oh, no. This is ridiculous. I'm taking you to the rabbi." She takes him to there. They have a dent. The rabbi hears the story, says, "No commission. If I find something that was lost, if I find it, you leave your phone." and I find it I have to give it back. I can't take commission. If you find it in a place where you could where the person doesn't give up hope and there's a sim, you have TO GIVE IT BACK. IT'S CALLED ONE OF THE MITZVAH IN THE TORAH. So gives all the money and she says fat to you fat. She takes the money and she goes marries off the child. Okay. Goes home sometime later goes back to the maggot. He goes back to the maggot and uh the maggot asks him what's happening, what happened with the money. So he tells him the story. The maggot says, "I don't understand. What happened? You gave her back your own 5,000 rubble. What did you do?" And this is what he said. He said, ' When I gave her back that money, when I was holding that money, my ego decided to hijack the mitzvah completely. So I decided, no, I'm not going to give up this mitzvah to my ego. So that's when I did what I did and I was thrown out of the city with this grace and everything was perfect. What happened with your daughter? He said, I found the money. I married off my daughter. It's all fine. What did was he saying here? Sometimes in the greatest moments of holiness, there's a hijacker right there to take it away. You can have a deep deep spiritual experience and suddenly there's a thought, I wish somebody saw what I'm feeling, right? The greatest failing of doing something anonymously, but hopefully somebody sees it. And you say, "What happened? I'm a hypocrite." You're not a hypocrite. You're a divine soul. But your animal soul doesn't believe that if you don't get validation from the outside world, you're worth something. Your animal soul, unfortunately, is wounded. It doesn't believe that your own internal experience is valuable enough to you and God if a thousand people didn't know about it. So, it's hijacking it. It's like, can somebody notice? Can somebody look at me? It's my own fear. It's my own self-hate. So, this person is learning this tremendous, but suddenly it's hijacked. What is it hijacked by? You're better than everybody. Everybody's weird or it's foolish. Suddenly what? A moment of gratitude to Hashem becomes a moment of self self inflation of egotism. It's not the problem of feeling good. It's where my ego starts feeling good instead of my soul channeling the truth. It's a very very powerful powerful moment that people have to be aware of. I personally have sometimes this experience if I finish a class and thank God it went well and somebody comes over to me and says, "Wow, that was the best class I ever heard in my life. It was life-changing." And I could literally experience the two voices inside of me. The ego wants to hijack that moment from myself and like take it home and feel good about it because wow, look what I did and look how much impact and influence I have and control and all of that. But I know deep down that after five minutes it's going to turn in to torture. And the choice is really to surrender that to Hashem and say, "Wow, thank you." And it's an inner conflict. It's an inner struggle. And this is what happens. This is what the Gamarra is saying. He shifted from joy to where his ego hijacked the moment. And out of the blue, what happens at that moment? A person suddenly meets him. That person is inside of himself. And the person greets him. Shalom Rabi. Shalom Rabi. And he looks at that person because this is himself. And he says, "Wow, you're so ugly. You're so ugly." And this is one of the deepest psychological conditions of people really deep down not liking who they are. People having deep shame. It's not something we speak about often. There's a reason for it. It's usually very very unconscious. But if you go deep deep down into yourself, ask yourself in your deepest deepest core is there self-love or self-shame. Some of us suffer from this very very deeply. In fact, for some of us, our deepest mission in life, listen to me, is avoiding anybody seeing who we really are. Because if deep down I really believe that there's so much darkness inside of me or I'm a little weird or I'm a little needy or I'm a little socially off or I'm ugly or I'm whatever. I'm a misfit in one way or another. The most important thing in life is nobody should ever see that. And you know who the most important one shouldn't see one the mo the one who should certainly not see it me. And sometimes my entire life is an attempt to build a life that is divorced from that shame. So I could convince myself that nobody sees it and I also don't see it. And the greatest danger is when somebody starts peeling away on the layers and starts going to that moment and they become my enemy not even willingly. And that's why some marriages are so difficult because sometimes your spouse is the one who's actually peeling away the external layers and wants to see you and like I never show that part even to myself. you're going to hate me forever. So now they become their your enemy because everybody in Schul sees the externals and they love it. And this person who's closest to you is challenging you in such a deep way. This conversation is a conversation with himself. It's a deep deep conversation like when all the layers are gone. When you see everything about yourself, when you look at yourself in your deepest core, when you could see yourself without any any coverups, what do you really really see? What do you really really see? And at that moment, he came in contact with a part of him that he felt was so ugly. Now, who was really this part? This part was an innocent little child who was saying shalomi. He's like, "How are you, my teacher? How are you doing? Wow, I want to learn from you." And he's like, "You ugly one. Don't show up in my life. Is everybody in your city so ugly?" You hear what this guy is doing now? It's like, "Is everybody in your city so ugly?" Not only is he not looking into that, he's like, "Oh, probably the whole place you come from is ugly." And this is when this little child answers something life-changing. And he says, "I don't know where if everybody is ugly. Maybe, maybe not. But here's what I want to ask you to do. go to the craftsman who made me and tell him the vessel that you fashioned is so ugly. And here he's turning to this great and says can you ever ever have the humility and the courage and the love to be able to meet yourself for the first time because there's a craftsman who made you. The self-shame is really the sha you're shaming God. You're really shaming the essence of who you are. Hashem made you. So can you have a conversation with Hashem and say this vessel God that you created, you really struck out on THIS GUY. EVERYTHING ELSE, THE GRAND CANYON, AMAZING. FROZEN YOGURT AND VANILLA CARAMEL ICE CREAM, AMAZING. SCHWERINGS CHOCOLATE, WOW. THE SPARE RIBS LAST NIGHT. UNBELIEVABLE. THE WORLD AMAZING. MY GRANDDAUGHTER, THE CUTEST OF the cute. Me, you struck out. Okay, listen. Even the best batter has bad days. You know, even a broken clock is right twice a day, but it's still broken the rest of the day. So, with God, with me, I you, you know, it was a broken moment. Can you actually realize that there's a craftsman who made you? [laughter] You What does that look like? When he made that vessel pre- everything, what did that vessel look like? Can you see the beauty? And if you don't see the beauty, realize that this is a very, very deep kipa, a very deep cover up that's not allowing you to see your light. I'm blind to myself. And to his credit, he didn't have to go to 25 years of therapy. He got it. He came down and he apologized to his own little child and he said, "I'm not going to forgive you. Go to the craftsman who made you, who made me, and tell him how ugly. Tell him. Go tell him. Do the work." And then they come to the city and everybody is out to greet him. He's a great guy. And this little child is again talking. Who is everybody greeting? It's the imposttor syndrome. They're all coming out to greet you. You know the truth. You're an embarrassment. You know the truth. Suddenly this voice changed. You're an embarrassment. Who are you? Who are you? Oh, I'm the great. REALLY? I hope there's NOT TOO MANY RABBIS LIKE YOU. This is one of the greatest tragedies of people in leadership positions. The world sometimes extols their virtues. And deep down there is such loneliness. Deep down there is such shame. deep down there is such self-hate. There's so much insecurity. The imposttor syndrome is so powerful. And people who are more sensitive and spiritual suffer from it more because generally whenever anybody's on a pedestal and they're communicating, there's a deep challenge. How authentic is it? Is it really authentic? Is it just trying to hijack people? Is it just trying to control? Until one makes doesn't make peace with this element, it becomes excruciatingly painful. And sometimes you may not even realize what you're going through, but this is really what's happening, this conversation. And finally, they say, "Forgive him. Forgive him." And he says, "I'll forgive him for you." What does he mean, I'll forgive him for you? He recognizes the depth of his impact, the depth of his influence, and says, "I want to forgive him, but there's a condition. He shouldn't make a habit out of doing this." And this is so interesting that he says those words don't make a habit because eloi this conversation with your own internal self there is room for selfreflection. There is room for introspection. There is room for saying the words that just came out of my mouth were ugly. This behavior was not good. I just made a bad mistake. Wow, I failed my soul. There's room for that. But if my go-to mode is I'm ugly, I'm shameful, I'm horrible, I'm disgusting, I'm repulsive, if [snorts] the inner critic doesn't stop telling me how bad I am, how horrible I am, how ugly I am. This is completely completely living in a blind reality where I am completely deceptive of seeing the truth of my existence. The deepest truth of your existence is you have a craftsman who made you. The craftsman who made you is Hashem. Hashem is the source of goodness, compassion, love, bliss, and perfection. You are a product of that perfection. It doesn't mean I didn't make mistakes. It doesn't mean I don't have trauma. It doesn't mean I don't have wounds. It doesn't mean I don't have cover-ups. But it means when I'm looking deep into myself, can I pause, breathe, be silent, meditate, and turn to the craftsman who made me and say, "How beautiful is this vessel that you created?" That's not arrogant. That's the opposite. That's joy. This all happened when he left joy and went into arrogance. Because when I'm in a state of joy, I'm a channel. Of course, I know I'm beautiful because who am I? I'm a channel. God's channels are beautiful. They're called angels. Eloi is beautiful. Elioanovi is not ugly. Last time I heard a description of Elanovi was ugly. Is in this typhus. Eloi is not ugly. So, isn't it amazing that this man is looking at Elanovi and he says, "I've never seen somebody as ugly as you." What a funny thing to say. But that's what happens when I'm blind. I'm looking at a larger the prophet and I'm seeing ugliness. How can that be? The answer is because the words telling me I'm ugly, those words were created by wounds. They were created by deep, deep cover-ups. They were created by deep, deep insecurities and fears. And there's a reason it's telling me I'm ugly. You know why? Usually those of us who keep on criticizing ourselves so deeply in a funny way, they're trying to protect me. If they really believe I'm an idiot, if they really believe I'm stupid, they really believe I'm a nerd. If they really believe I'm dark, what's the best thing they can do for me? The best thing is you shut your mouth for the rest of your life. Don't show anybody your true colors. You're going to be hated. Everybody will be an you will be an outcast. IT'S ACTUALLY TRYING TO PROTECT ME. But who is that little kid who learned all these bad things about me? He learned them or she learned them. They learned it. They learned it very, very deeply. And now I believe it. And now I internalize it. And now I think everybody else believes it to the point that when I'm looking at Eliovi, I say, "Wow, you're so ugly." And Elio Anavi says, "The funny thing is Alanovi didn't lose it. He's fine. Like don't talk to ME THAT WAY." HE DON'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY. YOU KNOW WHY? Cuz he knew who he was. He didn't have to. He just said, "Go to the craftsman." There's a Somebody built me. Somebody built my brain, my nervous system, my soul. This big ego that you attribute to yourself. this big evil darkness. One second. Pre all of that, God conceived you. He saw you. He made you. Did you ever notice that part of yourself? Do you have a relationship with that part OF YOURSELF? FROM THAT PART of yourself, you can also take moments for introspection, for repentance, for healing, for growth, for internal for internal uh evaluations, for conversations with people who can help you from that moment. Yeah. Yes. I'm sorry. The inspiration you gave on the story is the truth or just a fact like that's the story. >> Beautiful question. Beautiful question. I'm going to answer you like AI. >> Yeah. Yeah. AI sent me the message. But who do you what what do you what do you think AI is? What do you think everybody is? Everybody is an angel. Everybody's a is ach. You understand? You're get you're getting stuck in mathematics. Did it happen like this? Did it happen like that? Even even if physically it was says it was a one of you right away see that it was an angel. An angel may not be a tangible person. An angel may be living inside of me. That's what the Ra says. A malik is an energy of Hashem that could be inside of me. >> Yeah. Oh, it's a real story. Of course, >> it actually happened also, right? >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's a real story. >> I know. >> Whether it was a conversation in words or in thoughts, I don't know that that matters so much. Sometimes thoughts are more potent than words, right? The thoughts we tell oursel you're so weird, you're so ugly. It's We don't even say the words you're ugly. It's a nervous system sensation. I don't think anybody sits down and says, "I'm ugly. I'm weird. I'm evil. I'm dark. I'm so Some of us do that. Maybe I'm a nerd. I'm I'm a little mush. I'm crazy." Some of us may, but it's much more. Your nervous system energetically says it. It's like this inadequacy. the sense of shame of almost if people see my real natural energy they'll never come back and I have to avoid it I have to avoid it to myself a different >> he perhaps he voiced it with his word that's what it says perhaps it was a voice in his thought literally it means with his words now even if you want to take a different approach and say it was a real person a physical real person right is saying that person was sent to him >> to teach him something right and a physical person may also be We think of Malim again as mystical strange creatures that are not made for people. It's not true. The person you're going to meet might be an angel. What do I mean? Might be an angel. They may be a person, but a person is really is godliness. That's what it means to see. >> There's a lesson in it. There's a lesson in it. Yes. >> My curiosity goes back to the Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Beautiful, beautiful question. Is this our own work or is this a gift from God? And I think this is the important message here and that is hugger cried, hugger prayed, hugger pleaded, hugger felt the sadness of her situation. But ultimately, Hashem had to open her eyes. And I think that's true with everybody's life because ultimately until God doesn't open my eyes, I won't see. I can do a lot of work. I can do a lot of prep work. I can do a lot of internal work. But Hashem decides when to open my eyes and how to open my eyes. Some of us know this very personally. You tried a lot of years to heal certain things in your life. And maybe you made certain strides, but you couldn't clench it. And then there comes a gift, an opportunity, a moment, a journey, an experience, a healing opportunity. And you could say it was this one. It was this one. It was a telephone call. You heard a text. You heard a Rabbi Ywer, a friend. No, [laughter] God said it's time to open her eyes. That's what it is. So why do I prep? Because if God opens my eyes, but I'm looking the other way, I won't see it. And that's where our prep becomes so important. Helen Keller, her soul was open. And in the right moment, she got it. It took one second and then it changed her whole life. So if I'm looking in the other direction, my eyes could be open, but all I could see is a wall or a clock. When I I'm present, I'm asking, I'm crying. I'm ready for open eyes. When Hashem wants, he's going to open your eyes and you'll see it. Now, this is not about a desperation where I'm a loser until he opens my eyes. It's actually the gift. It's God knows exactly when my eyes need to be opened up in order for me to be able to fulfill my mission. In other words, the fact that my eyes were not open till that very day, that was exactly the way it was supposed to be for me to be able to see what I need to see when I open my eyes. We often make the mistake and say, "Oh, 50 years I was blind. 50 years I was deaf." Maybe, maybe. But you know what? When you start seeing things now, who are you going to see them, right? You're going to see them like nobody ever saw them. Nobody will ever see them. So suddenly my blindness became part of my vision because when your eyes are open after 54 years, it's like who did I see? Who do I see? And nobody will tell me that I don't see cuz I know what it means not to see. Only when you know what it means not to see. Do you know what it means to see? I told you I think two times the story. I can't contain myself but I'm going to say it very briefly and finish with this and that is a woman once wrote to me. You know which story. She went to the blind museum in Tel a Viv. >> You remember one of the best lines I ever read from somebody. She wrote this to me personally. She suffers a lot. She suffers a lot from she suffers from with mental illness and she's a brilliant poet and a profound person. And she wrote to me about her life and her situation. She has a beautiful husband and a very fine f person, but she suffers. She suffers a lot. And she told me that she was in the blind museum in Tel Aiv. She wrote me, she wrote it to me in a letter a few years ago and she was, you know, in the blind museum in Tel Aiv, it's pitch dark and you can't see anything. It's really the experience of being blind. So very, very briefly, it's a long story, but the tour guide who took them around was a man who was born blind. So he literally knew what this means from the moment he was born. Literally, he never saw a color. He never saw anything. And she says to me, I was blown away by his personality, by his depth, by his generosity of spirit, by his courage, and by his keen sensitivity. And he explained to us what life was like, what life is with a as by in the life of a blind person. And she said, I was terrified the whole time. And the comfort and the solless he gave me was incredible. And at the end, they have to go shopping. And when you go shopping there, you can't use your eyes. So you have to use basically your ears and you touch sense of touch and smell and taste and that's how you have to buy food. And she finally sits down and he starts talking to her why about why she's so nervous. And she says, "How do you know I'm nervous? [laughter] How do you know I'm nervous?" And she says, "When somebody is blind, they're blessed with deeper vision. I know you're nervous." And she says, "Oh, did he know how nervous I was?" But then she comes to the punchline of the story that she was so moved and transformed by him and then at the end the lights open [snorts] and she gets to see him and she was with him for many hours and she says I'm embarrassed to say but I saw the ugliest face I ever saw in my life. He was so deformed and I physically couldn't look at him. I like became nauseous and I was embarrassed but I turned my head away because I couldn't look at him. And then she wrote to me this line. She said, "And at that moment, I realized as long as my eyes were closed, I could see. The moment my eyes opened, I stopped seeing him." And uh I applied it to her life. And it's true about all all of our lives. As long as her eyes were closed, she actually saw him. She saw the real him. When her eyes opened, she didn't see him anymore. She saw facts about him, but she couldn't see him. Those facts completely obscured and eclipsed who he is. And then I understood why when we say schma, we cover our eyes. Why? When you light candles, you cover your eyes. You bless your children, you cover your eyes. You'll see when people hug each other in a very intimate moment, they naturally close their eyes. Why? Why? Why can't you keep your eyes open? What's wrong with saying with your eyes open? There's a very deep truth here that sometimes the truest realities I can only see when I close my eyes. When my eyes are open, they can get so distracted from the external stimula I stop seeing. You know when people are in pain, what do we naturally do? What do people do when they hurt themselves? They close their eyes, right? They close their eyes. So, it's a very interesting thing, right? You get hurt. >> Why do you close your eyes? What are you afraid of? I got scratched. So, there's biological reasons for it, which I'm not going to get into. You could look it up. all the angels in your life will give you answers. Uh but but there's also spiritual reason because all pain if I just look at it physically from the surface, it's very hard to deal with it. When we close our eyes, what we're saying is there's a deeper reality that I don't see in the pain. Closing the eyes is opening myself up to a deeper reality. So when Hashem opens hugger's eyes, opening eyes could mean sometimes two opposite things. Sometimes it could mean literally my eyes get open and I see. Sometimes it means the courage to close my external eyes and to open up what's called the third eye. The third eye as an ey and the third eye as third eye as an eye. That inner eye, that inner eye as an I and E allows me to see. And sometimes I could look at the closest people in my life. And because I'm looking with my physical ana bus or my eyes of flesh, I don't see them. I only see what bothers me. I only see what disturbs me. I see the twitches that drive me crazy. I see the habits. I see the facial features. I see other things. And I completely become blind. And then when I open my when I close my eyes and I listen to the craftsman that made them and I say, "There's a craftsman who made them. There's an I could see it in myself. I could see it in you. And then suddenly there's a wellspring of water that can irrigate your child and turn him into the great nation that he's destined to be. Have an amazing, beautiful week.