Rabbi Aaron Goldsheider presents The Lost Prayer

Heat. Heat. [Music] All right. Good evening everyone and uh welcome to the Yean Center and uh it's a great school. It's a great honor to be able to uh to study with you this evening. Uh my name is Aaron Goldshider and uh I'm the editor of Torah Tidbits and that's one of the things that I do. Great honor to be able to uh to work with that publication with the OU here in Israel. And um we're going to learn this evening. We're going to learn actually something that uh that is based in RVuk, a number of ideas from RVuk, but um we're going to learn a hala together. And uh with that, we're going to explore the meaning behind this. And actually what we're going to be looking at is a is a braha is a blessing that many have not recited for a very long time. It seems to be making a comeback and uh it's something that we all can recite on a uh possibly on a regular basis. So we're going to learn a that hopefully is something that we can kind of bring incorporate into our lives. It could be that some of some of us do this on a regular basis. I imagine that there are those here that have not done this. When I grew up and for many many years, I never recited this uh this braha, this blessing. Uh it's a blessing that's found in the Gar. It's a blessing that's found in the blessing that's found in the Rambam. And somehow, and I think this is like another somebody needs to do some research in this area. That's not going to be the topic tonight of how it was lost. how so many years and perhaps maybe hundreds of years that this blessing has not been recited. So let's get into it. So what blessing am I referring to? So it's a blessing that is found in Birkatamazone that is found as part of benching and uh let's begin here actually that brings us up to date. If you look at the uh the art scroll the art scroll benture. If you look at arts the art scroll sitter or the art scroll benture uh this is a bencher that was uh printed in 1987. And one of the great things about art scroll and I'm sure all of us are familiar with art scroll. We enjoy using art scroll. One of the things that they did is by the way trivia question. What was the very first publication of art scroll? Anybody know? McGill. That's right. McGillad Esther was the very first publication. There's a beautiful story behind that that mayor Zlatawitz who is the founder of art scroll he wasn't founding art scroll at the time. a good friend of his passed away and he wanted to do something in honor of his beloved friend who passed away at a young age and he said I'm going to sit for 30 days before the schlloin of my friend and I'm going to produce a a safer and he sat for 30 days and he wrote that first translation and commentary to Miguel Esther he put that on the market everybody absolutely loved it and from there we have what art scroll today the thousands of publications and the Talmud and everything that they've done. But I always think about that idea that it started with a for somebody else. If he didn't have that, you know, that sensitivity and that he didn't say that's what I'm going to do, maybe we would not have art scroll as we have it today. It all comes from from Okay. He was also the first guy to do. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he was he himself that that that was his business. He was a uh he had a bar mitzvah and a wedding invit that he that he produced or pub a uh published wedding invitation. So he had that skill and he kind of took that skill he brought that in in like formatting the page and but also it was a great that he was able to do that. Okay. Well, one of the great things that art scroll did was and I guess people kind of just took it for granted that people knew their way around a sitter and that they knew the instructions. They knew when to bow and when to stand and when to say the following and when to omit the following. And they put that very in in very precisely they have that in the sitter. That's what they added to the sitter. And uh also that was one of their great great contributions. But here we find something in their benter which they don't usually do. And they tell us something about this prayer. Okay, here we go. This is page one. This is straight from you can open up the art scroll benture or you find this also in the sitter as well. The Talmud in bra 46A gives a rather lengthy text the blessing that a guest inserts here for the host. So what is the and I just mentioned a moment ago that I wanted to share a with you. The al is very simple. If you are sitting at somebody else's table that you have an obligation to bless the host who is providing the meal for you. I never knew that. I never saw that growing up and the as as I just mentioned the Gumarra says it should be done. The shar says it should be done and everyone says it should be done and somehow people were not doing it have not been doing it and our school goes on with this little introduction to the blessing. And it says it's quoted with minor variations in the or 2011 and many authorities are at a loss to explain why the prescribed text has fallen into disuse in favor of the briefer version commonly used. This you don't usually find in the art scroll when they give you instructions as they they add like a little comment here and they say we don't really know why people are not saying this blessing and why is it that has fallen into disuse and a lot of people are just saying the inhab so that I think we're more familiar with that is something that I was familiar with kind of growing up that you would say that if you were in somebody else's home, if you were a guest at a meal that you would say, but that's not the appropriate way of doing it. That's not the full text. You should have you should recite this full text. Now, this is what's found in the garra. So, um again, just going back to this little introduction of art scroll, it fell into disuse in favor of the briefer version commonly used. The text that's found in the is the following. Okay. So, we're going to look at that text in a moment. We're going to see the Gamarra itself. Uh but before we look at the Gamarra, I want to just share one other interesting I guess anecdote around this. Uh and it's called by the way in Hebrew the So, if you want to sound learned, so that's the term that is used the braha of the guest. The braha that's recited by the guest when you were having a meal in somebody else's home. This is from a safer called Msurat Moshe. This Moshe is referring to Rav Mosha Feinstein. And you have a collection in this book, Msurus Moshe, the traditions of Raosha Feinstein, some of the some anecdotes and some stories about his life and some of his menhagim. And it it it has the following. This is Msarus Moshe's Amites. It says Mosad Shu. I'm just going to read a few lines to you. There was a certain organization that centered Mosha Finey. By the way, Mosha Finey is the great POSK. He lives on the lower east side. Considered to be maybe the greatest POS of uh in America in the past generation. And a certain organization printed up a birkatamazone a laminated text which they wanted to send out to people as a kind as like a fundraiser. I don't know if anybody has ever received something like that. you have different organizations that try to come up with some shtick like something that they send out to you. So maybe like a Hosanos card or I remember the old days anybody old enough to remember this is I they used to send out a packet of karoset a certain organization as a fundraiser. It came in a box in a little like aluminum like uh you know it it wasn't a tin like in this piece of aluminum inside you opened it up and there was like a little instructions add water, add wine and that would be your karosa. that was your like this gift before Rashashana but with receiving that gift they expected that you sent something you know something in the mail as a uh as part of this sedaka. So you have a lot of organizations that do that trying to come up with a new idea and here Mosha Feinstein receives from a particular organization a bencher. This bencher is a laminated card. On the one side it has the benching and he writes the valley plastic. On one side it said one side it had and on the other side and what they came up with and again because they saw they took note of the fact that benturers for the most part did not have the and I'll mention this now by the way one of the most famous ventures and a venture that I grew up with a beloved venture is called the NCSY venture anybody familiar with the NCSY Y venture. Yeah, the NCSY venture. It's one of the the classic venture, especially I guess in our community with through the U NCSY. What was so great about the NCSY venture? What what did what was their what was their novelty in that venture that made it a big success? The little songs. All the songs. That's right. They put there's like 30 40 songs in the back. So, not only did you have the benching, but you had all the popular songs. And it was a great way for people at a shabas table or at a kumitz, whatever it was, you had this bencher. That was their that was their great idea and it was a great idea. So in that bencher that I grew up with the NCSY the classic NCSY benturers of the 70s and 80s if you went to the benching it did not have it did not this great bencher did not have this blessing that we're talking about this evening it did not include that they then came out with another edition in the last 10 years or so maybe last 15 years and now you'll find the bir you will find this blessing that a guest is to recite for the host so you see something interesting interesting here again it was for some reason art scroll itself tells you that it fell into disuse for whatever reason and not just in the last you know hundred years it seems like for many hundreds of years because you have some of the early I guess acronim they're already asking the question why is it that we do do not have the ber in the uh in the home of the briskerv here inim so again the benchers did not have berak so when there was a guest of the meal they would pull a gamarra off the shelf And they would put the gamarra down. They would open up to the daft where it has a and when they came up to that part in the benchings the briskerv would push the you know would push the garbar in front of the one who was benching and said here is the text but that text was nowhere to be found. It was not in the benches. You could only find it in the garra but the garra says it must be done. The ram says it must be done. The shar says it must be done. And somehow again we'll let somebody here do that research and to try to figure out why uh where it was lost. But the topic this evening is the the meaning and the importance of this braha and we'll see that in a moment. So when Raosha Feinstein received this laminated again this organization sent it to him to kind of get an approval from the Godor that this is you know that this should be sent out and appropriate toenu I'm on the second line the last three words second line right in the middle of the uh of the first page. When he saw this, he said, "This is excellent. This is a really nice thing that we're bringing back this because this is the text that we find in the Garen." And this is what Moshe Feinstein would say as well. He was the great Mosha Feinstein's he was makid to say. Anybody know the Hebrew word my Well, it's not a Hebrew word, but my New York. Whenever he was in Muny, New York, he would say this when he was in Iraq. Now, this, by the way, tells you something very interesting. What was he doing in Muny, New York? Where was he in? Trivia question. Where was he regularly? He would go to my for Shabas. Who was he staying with? Sin-law. He was staying with his son-in-law. That's right. And his daughter. Right. Ramosha David Tendler, who was a Russ University, a famous biologist and Tammudus. He taught in the morning at YU he taught a gamarish in the afternoon he taught biology and science and you have in a lot of a lot of the response a lot of the chuvot of Mosha Feinstein that he describes how he's talking over these issues with his son-in-law and uh that's for Mosha David Tendler who's in my but what's interesting here as well and this kind of we'll we'll touch on this that he said the birkat when he was in his daughter and son-in-law's home for Shabas Other words, he saw himself as an aak that I'm a guest even though, right? I'm in my daughter and son-in-law's house, but I they're providing meals for me. They're providing a place for me to stay over Shabas, and I need to bless the orch. So, this is the great Ramosa Feinstein who's blessing his his son and his son-in-law and his uh and his daughter and their family. Okay. So, with that introduction, huge. I mean, is that his home? What's that? So you're saying it's obvious that it would Yeah. Okay. You would Okay. They're all family. You might say they're all family. You have the motion fine scene. We're sitting around. Is that really an orac? Is he really a guest? So uh by the way, and I'll bring that I'll I'll bring that question or that issue. Um which relates to this and that is a child that is at their parents' table. So the mugan says the following that a child who's at a parent's table that that child does recite the birk in other words that's if you're living in the house or if you're visiting the house so that's also you're considered to be in maybe we need to remind our children every so often you're you're a guest in this house just remember remember that you're a guest here. So the child needs to recognize that as well that my parents are providing for me. They're putting a a shabas meal on the table. I'm an as much as I'm a family member. I'm an here as well. I'm I'm a guest here in this house. My guest my or is it ah very good. You know what? So there's a um repeat the question please. Yeah. The question is if you so let's say let's say you and this is a good question here. Let's say you're having shalashudis in the yan center. One of the most beautiful things in your shalim is shalashud is here. If anybody has not experienced that, you should come here to experience a beautiful shallow. So let's say Rapostin says I'd like you to lead the benching. I call on you to lead the benching. Do you include the you're in a shul right? You're having shallow shows with a group of people. Is that so I'll tell you the following my own show member. H okay where you're a member. So I don't know the answer per se but listen to the following. said this rah hersel shhat is considered one of the great gdelto of America today so he was in the shul with rabbi ar lieitz he's also quite a exceptional tamak he's the head of the program of yeshiva university so shear was a scholar residence at Rabbi Liuit shul in woodmir new york and he was sitting next to shakar at a there was a communal meal in the shul and he listened to him while he benched and he heard that shakar recited the birch In other words, that he was a guest that he felt that he was a guest in the shul and he was blessing the rabbi who was blessing maybe the uh the board of the shul whoever it is who who is to be blessed in that setting. So, so that's so that question if you're in a shul and you're saying and you know at a meal and you're leading the benching at least that's one example of uh so is it only the person leading the benching any oh so we'll get okay good so we'll get yeah so let's mention that right now which is an excellent question which we'll see the gamarra kind of touches on that the writes the following that every person who's sitting and not only the one who's leading the benching everyone that's both men and women are to recite this as well anyone one who is a who is a guest at the table. When you're a guest at the table, you should be citing the so think about that's going to be in about 45 minutes, right? When everyone here is going to be sitting around a meal, you're a guest in another setting. There is a host here that everybody who's sitting at the table is to recite the birch. By the way, just for a show by a show of hands, not to embarrass anyone because I never recited this. How many people recite this on a regular basis when they're guests in people's homes? I don't even know. Never heard of it, right? No, I I never heard of it either. I never I didn't grow up with it either. Yes. Shad gray. Shad. Yeah. Yeah. Now it's Yeah. Shad and gray. Okay. All right. So, here we go. So by the way, so if we've learned that just that if we learned and al that we can now, you know, bring to our uh bring to our Jewish to our religious lives, to our spiritual lives, it's a very very beautiful thing. Okay. So now we've spoken a lot about the now let's take uh a few minutes to actually see the let's see it. Let's see it. And then we're going to see a few comments. Beautiful comments by Rivk his interpretation of the bira. So let's see the gumarra itself. Let's see where it first appears in the gamarra. It appears in the gumar gamarra braos right. You might imagine it's there because that's where you have all the halos of brahos. And let's begin here begins in the following way. So this is the bottom of page one. A teaching that comes from the great and he says the following. Bal habayasa that the balhabias the host should be the one who breaks bread who cuts the bread who makes the amoti. By the way, is that what we generally see in a Jewish home that the balabias is the one that makes the amotezi? Do we give to somebody else that honor of making amoti? No. No. And that it seems that's what the garra says. It's not something that you honor somebody else with. I remember in the old days at a bar mitzvah you'd call up so and so who's going to make the amoti I'd call on uncle uncle uncle uncle uncle uncle uncle uncle uncle Herby who's going to be making the amotezi so that's what I don't know the bar mitzvas that I went to in the se in the 80s that right where you had this big kala and you you would you would honor somebody in the family to recite the amoti okay that may be okay but the the truth is the gammorra says that in a home and again we can think about chabas when journalist is done so the balabias is the The one that is the host is the one who's baya. He's the one who breaks bread and the guest should be the one who is mareak. He should be the one to lead the benching. The says why is it that the balabias is the one who is the one to cut the bread make? Because we want that person who's cutting the who's making the amotei is going to be breaking the bread cutting the bread that he should do it with a in a um Jenner. Jenner. Thank you. In a generous way. He should cut large pieces. Now, if we give it to the guest, well, we don't know exactly what the guest is going to do. He's not going to be that comfortable. First of all, you don't know what he's going to do. He may not be comfortable. It's not really his bread. It's not his amoti. So, he'll just cut little pieces for everyone. And that's I've always tried to do that over the years and give a nice healthy size of kala to everyone and not just cut, you know, some people like cutting it like very small pieces for everyone. So it sounds like the says the best practice is large pieces for everyone and therefore the balabayas is the one that cuts the bread and the guest is the one that should make the uh should lead the benching. Why is that? Is that right? Okay. So it doesn't it sounds like the says that's not the ideal. the and truth is in my home and what I grew up with we always honored somebody else with the benching and now that's usually what I've seen that the host will ask somebody at the table to lead the benching and that's what the gumar suggests and why is that and the gumar gives the following answer in order that that person can now give a to the balabayas now in order to understand that or at least one interpretation the gamarra is that in the time of the gamarra there was one person who would bench and everybody would listen to that benching and answer on main to that benching. I think in some sphartic circles that's still that is a custom that everybody listens like similar to we do like like with kdesh on Friday night one person is reciting it and everybody's listening and answers a and that's the custom that we have for it seems that that may have been the custom for birkaton as well and therefore we want to give it to somebody else because then there's the opportunity for that person to then b to then bless the host of the household ah okay good yes that's True. That's true. So yes, so often you you see if there's a going to honor a Cohen, possibly a ley as well. Okay. So that's the that's the introduction to the uh the Now let's look at the birk and the actual blessing that is recited. And this now becomes the that's found in our bentures today. That's found again for a long time it was not there. It made a comeback. So what is the bra that is recited? It should be your will God that this habas that the host of the home should not be embarrassed in this world and he should not be humiliated. Now that's how we begin the blessing of the host. I think that's a very strange way that should I think that should be somewhat surprising to all of us. Why do we begin that way? Why is that of all of everything that we can choose to bless the balabayas to bless the host? We're sitting at a table. We're at a Friday night. We're at a shabas table and the first thing that we say you shouldn't you shouldn't feel any embarrassment. You shouldn't be embarrassed in this world and the world to come. Sounds a little bit strange. So we'll we'll look at the the meaning behind that according to Ravuk. And now we go to the next part. Then Rebi then added the following. In other words, that you should add the following to the blessing that you the way that you bless the host. It sounds looks like that, but I think that may be that you should be very successful with all of your possessions. That all of our possessions should be with great success. They should be close to the city. And we're going to look at the meaning of that phrase. What does that mean? You should be successful when you're parnasa. You should be successful with all your possessions. What does it mean? Should be close to the city. Satan and the Satan should not have power over you. He should not be able to control you in any way. not in the the uh the actions of your hands and not in the actions of our hands. It should not stand up before you hear. You shouldn't have any thought of sin also a sin, transgression, iniquity, sin now and forever. So, by the way, just look at the the art scroll and this is what is recited. This is the custom based on the gamar. Just go just to look at the text one more time. Open up an art scroll sitter. You'll see this. Open up. Does the kabad have it? I think so. Kabad doesn't have it. Where would I find it? In the towards the end. So So if you look at the just go just look at the uh the text that we have and it's it's it's essentially what the Gamarra says. the the has it does not have it. Interesting. As I said, that version, right? That that sitter not this version. This is Kabad. Yeah. Yeah. Kabad has not put it in their center. Okay. So if you look at the Rambam, look at the top of page two. The Rambam again, everyone codifies this. The Rambam, everyone says this must be said and look at just to see the the language of the Rambam. And when you are a guest at somebody's home, you must add a bra a particular foray. What is that? And then he quotes the bra that we find in the in the gam etc etc. He doesn't write the entire thing. You look at the gamarra for the uh for the remainder of that. But here I'll just add the following which the Rambam adds very beautifully and he says the rish the some the person who is blessing the host he has permission le he can add to it that's the basic text but if you want to add a little bit more and you want to say some nice things about the and that and the success that he should have the joy that he should have the Rambam says you can add whatever you like if you can add to it e even better. So you have the text that the gumar itself tells us this is the text that should be recited and the Rambam says read that text make sure to recite that when you say benching and then add if you like to add a little bit on your own you're welcome to do so okay so that is the that is the gamarra that is the raam that is it's found in the mission it's found in the it's found in every source that this is should be added to our benching okay yes please what do you recommend if the host the malabayat is a cohen. Should he pass the uh That's a good question. It's a good question. I think he can be mo on his on his but it's it's a it's a good question to give to the cohen. That's right. It's not a to give to the Cohen. And again, the Cohen can be mo on that on that if he wants to give that cover to somebody else. It's not a uh it's not an absolute even you know we even do that with uh even with an aliyah that will ask a coen sometimes to step out and to allow somebody else to receive the uh that's a a a minhug that that many shuls in the community uh adheres by. Okay. All right. All right. So, what I'd like to do now is we're going to just take the next few minutes to appreciate and to understand this braha. Um, and I think if we if we appreciate, you know, when it comes to any halaka, the more that we understand it and we appreciate what it is that we're saying, uh, the more meaningful it will be for us. Okay. So we have uh one of the beautiful works that we have from Raviten Cook the first chief rabbi of Israel is that he wrote and this is really unique and many of the gdm did not do this but he wrote a commentary on all of the agadic texts of the garra. So the gamarra we know is really split into two. We have the halaki part of the gamarra all the analysis of the gamarra and then everything else is what's called the agadada right everything else which are the stories and the insights and the wisdom and uh and a braha and the meaning of a braha so all of that's found in the area of agata he wrote a work called the anaya and he wrote in his lifetime on braos the first masaka and chabas the second maka that's essentially what he accomplished in his lifetime he has thousands of interpretations s in those two volumes of of those gumaras. So we have we have his uh his commentary here. Okay. So the first thing that is let now let's let's just let's focus on the on the blessing itself. So what's the first thing that we say in the blessing that the person should not uh our blessing to the host is that shalom that that this host shouldn't feel any humiliation or any embarrassment in his life and why does he begin that way so the interpretation of RVuk is the following and here I'd like to read we'll just take as we study Rkook I always like to read to see the language of RV cook to appreciate because his Hebrew and uh the way that presents uh his ideas is also very very beautiful and worth worth looking at. So we'll just we'll we'll just look at a few lines from RVuk as we make our way through uh through his parish here. So uh if you're on page two it's letter A. It says and uh and on the on the opening part of the he writes the following. He says that what happens is when the guest is at a person's home delay when a person is eating from a meal that's not his own meal when he's sitting at somebody else's table that it really is quite difficult for a person not to feel a little bit a little sense of humiliation or embarrassment. In other words, here I am sitting at your table and I feel a little bit less. In other words, that I'm not the one hosting. Maybe I don't have, you know, the the food or the means to be able to do that. And here here I am at somebody else's table. Whenever says cook, whenever you're in that setting, there's a little bit you feel a little bit diminished. And uh I don't know if it means you're you're fully embarrassed, you're humiliated, but there's a little a little tinge of that of that feeling. So therefore says he says this is actually now a very beautiful that the guest is offering to the host. We're blessing the he should be rewarded. He should never theat should never experience any sense of humiliation in his own life. So this is Rufuk says why do we begin that way? Why does the guest begin with that blessing that particular blessing? Because the guest is feeling a little bit of that. And now that becomes a natural braha that's like a real braha that we're now giving to the host. Right? I'm in need. I'm sitting at a table that's not my table. There's a little bit of ting a little tinge of humiliation of embarrassment that I don't have that I'm relying on somebody else. You should never experience that in your life. And that goodness that you're sharing with me, right, and that I'm sitting at this table, you should always have that. You should always be blessed in that way. You should never have to turn to somebody else, right, for, you know, for help. So I that's the way that RV cook understands the opening of this braha. It's really now a very like natural it's a very real braha. There was something that I'm experiencing something that I'm feeling that I'm now turning to you and saying you should never know of that right. You should never feel any sense of uh humiliation or embarrassment. So that's the way that he understands the opening line. That's why the or that's why the guest begins with you should never feel any busha. the rest of your life you should never have to feel that you need to ask or you need to be you know you you you you should feel that you're in need of others. We spoke about this on Shabas that um Rashakar and I've heard Rashakar say this a couple of times. a chapter of Wu as I mentioned when the Gdole Torra he said you know when you invite a friend over for Shabas he says that's not that he says that's okay that's a nice thing to do and maybe you get you get a mitzvah of kindness but is when you're inviting somebody that doesn't have a place right that mitzvah the idea of that technically that mitzvah is where somebody doesn't have a place for Shabas where somebody doesn't have a meal when somebody is in need and you open your door to that person that's the mitzvah of like going back to that he's sitting by his tent and those people that didn't have what to drink right didn't have a meal inviting them in that's the that's mean the other isn't also beautiful and it's not we're not saying that's not that is but is that so this idea also of the host and sitting with a guest the guest very often is a person that may not have a place and therefore that's the opening of the braha. You should never feel that that that tinge of humiliation, embarrassment of need. You should never know that in your life. That's the opening of the braha. Okay. Next, we say the person's parnasa should be you should be successful in your parnasa. Which by the way makes a lot of sense because that success of your parnasa look at what you've done that you've opened your door to me that you have the means. You have the ability to do this. You have the ability to open your home to guests. You should continue hashem. So that's that's the second part of the braha. Hashem you should continue to bless this person with parnasa that he should be successful. But he then says something. He saysim what does it mean to be? You should be close to the city. That's the that's the text and again that's the gar and that's what we use in our in the brah that's used in today. So this is what Rufuk says. What does it mean that we're praying that the person should be? He writes the person wants to master their want to excel in midot in a way that you're going to affect every area of your character development. says, "If you want to become great in midot, it's really not about thinking about your own life and how you're going to improve your own midot, how do you become great in midot says the key is the key to improving midot." Okay, there is a place for self-reflection and to think about what is it that I need to change. But if cook says, you know what, don't spend so much time doing that. You can do that for a little bit, you know, take some quiet time and think about, but you know how you want to if you want to really improve, start reaching out to others, provide for others, care for others, fill your life with concern for others that are in need and how you can help the community at large. If you do that, then you're going to be you're going to be growing. That's says RV Cook. That's his maybe there are those that would disagree. Ruf says that's the that's the essence. That's the that's the uh the secret ingredient to growth and to improving midot to be more involved with people's lives and caring about others. So that he says is what we're praying for. You should be curly. The simple meaning of that your job you should be close to the to the city that you know that you shouldn't have to spend so much time on the road. You shouldn't spend a lot of time on the train. I used to live in Mount Kiscoco, New York in upper Westchester. And everybody in my shel they spent about an hour and a half going into the city, an hour and a half getting back. They spent three hours three and a half hours a day just just in, you know, just just getting to work and getting home from work. literally three hour more than three hours a day doing that. So that's one way of reading this braha. your your work should be close close at hand, right? You should be able to your work you shouldn't have to take so much time in uh in your transportation and getting from work getting home from work times. It would be even long if people went for Yeah, that's right. That's right. Very good. So, but Rufuk has a different interpretation. Says car of the year means that you should always be involved in city in the city meaning with others with the needs of others with the greater community with the community at large. That's the braha that you're giving this person that you should always be involved as you're involved right now as I'm sitting at your table and you're concerned with others. You should continue to do that because that's really the key to to growth and excelling in midot. And then Ravkook says the following and this is interesting because what is this? This also seems to come out of like left field says Satan and the Satan and the Satan is generally that's the you know the should not take hold of hold of you shouldn't have an influence on you. Okay. So what is this last part of the prayer that we're praying for the balabay that the the yates or the language of the gumar is the satan should not have uh influence should not impact you. So RVuk says the following. Cook says here if you want to see the the language of this is in section Craim. So he says we just bless that person that you should be very involved with community with others. But he says the more that we're involved with others then there are a lot of stumbling blocks. In other words, it's easier just to kind of like, you know, go into a sit in the shul, right? Kind of sit alone, a little bit of isolation. And we think that that's how we're going to improve. If Cook says, "No, you got to got to be involved in the community." But the more that we're involved with others and involved with the community at large and we're out there on the street and we're interacting with a lot of different people and a lot of different influences, well, with that, there are a lot of challenges as well. So, that's now the second part of the braha. You should be part of the the the most successful and the key ingredient to your to midot and to your spiritual success is to be involved in others. But I'm going to also bless you with the following in your involvement with others and your involvement with the greater community that those influences that yates that that should not have any impact that should not have influence on you. And let let's go back to the text of the more that we're involved with a lot of different people and we need to do that. That's the great and the great way of improving our own mid is to be involved in others being concerned with others. You're going to come in contact with people that may have a bad influence on you and being again being out there uh and being exposed to the street. So there's a lot there that is not necessarily healthy. and it can have a bad influence on on your own actions. Therefore, what is the guest sitting at the table? This is the last part of his that I'm praying for you. Therefore, he says that I'm praying that you should be yes very involved, very much engaged and engrossed in your in caring for the But the Satan should not have I'm praying that you should not it should not influence you shouldn't affect your it shouldn't affect your ethics your morality and he saysuk says you have to be very very careful not only in your actions but in your thought as well in makshava in other words what you're exposed to can also affect the way that you think and we want to purify our thoughts as well. We want to maintain a very high level spirituality even in thought in our hearts and by being exposed to larger communities. So we're going to be drawn to certain things that are not necessarily good things in terms of and which is here. We're going to be thinking things that are not necessarily again the more we're exposed to this big world around us that's not always easy. I think about that are throughout the world and be able to kind of balance that spiritual life but also be exposed to the street and the people that they're meeting and the people that they're bringing to their table to be able to do that is quite an awesome thing. So that's the braha that we're giving our host that you're open. You're bringing me into the home. You bring guests into the home. You should continue to do that to be involved in community and communal life. But I pray that Hashem should watch over you that the Satan that the Yates that the negative things that you were exposed to that it shouldn't affect you at all. Okay. And one last one last idea and we'll close with this. So that by the way that's the that's Raf Cook's explanation his interpretation of this braha he breaks down you see that he breaks down the braha really the three parts of the braha the opening praying that the person should not feel embarrassed in any way that he should be involved in communal life in terms of what that does for building midot there's nothing that that is uh nothing that builds midot than a person spiritually like our involving with others and the lives of others but the more that we're involved in the lives of others We also need to be very very concerned and very careful about the influences of of the larger world around us and therefore we conclude the braha with uh we're blessing the host that you should be involved continue to be involved have an open home you should be uh you should be doing kiru and connecting with more and more people but we also pray that the satan that the yates with all that exposure it shouldn't have any negative any bad influence on you. So that's the braha very very beautiful braha and to actually think about that's you know it's one thing to just read it you know read it in our sitter read it in the arts girl but really to give that braha like with with our heart with our soul to the uh to the host what a beautiful braha especially like yeshiva guys when they come over they know about this because they're a little bit more learned and it's really a beautiful thing when they you know you hear from the table that all these people are giving me a braha like at the end of the meal it's a really nice it's a really nice feel it's a really nice thing to do and a really nice thing for the host to receive all these brahas at the end of a meal and we believe that a brah is is uh is is a very very significant thing. Last idea um one last very beautiful idea that Rafuk Rifk Cook says. So RVuk says that we should say this braha. I mean Rafuk doesn't say it. The Rambam says it the says it the mission says it. The Shulan says it everybody says it. We should recite this braha. But Rafuk says we should also think about this braha even when we're not a guest in somebody else's home because he says the truth is we're always a guest at the table because there is a host. We're only the guest and there is a great host that is actually providing the meal for us. And of course that's referring to Hashem. So we should think about the this that we are the guest at the table not only when we're sitting at somebody else's table but even at our own table to think about that we are the guest at the table and look at the language of cook and we'll just close with this he says there's the last last source on page two says even when you're having a meal yourself right you're sitting in a restaurant you're sitting at home sitting with your family sitting on your own and eating hashkafat. There's also this idea this hashkafa of balabay that there's a balabay and there's an that there's a host and there's a guest and to think about the fact that there's a host and there's a guest writer of cook if a person thinks about himself that you think for a moment that you're the you're the host you're the host in this world that you've you have you you know, a beautiful home and you have the food and you have the means the and you think about you experience the joy that you have this meal and you're enjoying this meal and uh and the gift of eating this meal. He says, "Anra, it's not a bad thing if for a moment you think of yourself as the as the boss, as the balabias." That's okay. He says, "But only for a moment, but then you have to lift yourself up." He says, "You have to lift yourself from that and not to think of yourself as the rather shu think of yourself that you are really the guest sitting at this meal. And you are to look at the real purpose and your real goal in life and what it's really all about what is really truth what is really accurate and that is that we are all a guest in our home. One of the things that people don't realize about is that he was a with that they learned together with one another. They had a very very close relationship. They were both kohanim and they both shared a vision of coming back to the land of Israel. The Kabe always wanted to come to Arat Israel. We actually have the letter in which he was leaving his community. He bid farewell to the community and finally making aliyah. And just a day or two later his wife was ill, was very seriously ill and he never leaves. But they dreamt together about coming to Shallayim and they dreamt about serving asim in the beta mikdash. The two of them together and they started to study the all the kachim all the of carbanos. They were getting ready. They felt that we're closer. were getting closer and closer to to the days of Messiah. So they had a very close relationship and there's a whole safer just about their relationship. It says Benimd the relationship between two great priests high priests referring to and the kavim a very beautiful safher in Hebrew but there's probably the most it's one of the most famous stories of the kavim is uh I think it's one of the most famous Jewish stories but it's worth saying especially in this context is the very simple life that he lived right he lived he just had the bed and a little table and a stool in his room and the story goes that there was a businessman I was coming through Radin and he stopped in the home of the and he said to the you know you live so simply and like let me help you out a bit and I can I can buy you some nice furniture and a nice sofa and a nice nice bed. So the said to the businessman, he said, "Well, you're on business here and tell me about what is it that you're, you know, what does it look like in your hotel room, right? You're not at home now. You're on business. You're traveling." And he said, "Well, it's relatively simple. You know, I'm I'm just I'm just traveling. So I just have a little bit with me and also just have a bed and a stool." And so the said, "I'm also like a businessman just traveling. I'm just making my way through. This is Olam Haz, right? I'm just this is just the journey until so I live simply here. I'm just a guest, right? I'm like that the businessman who's just a guest. So this is what Rkook teaches as well when it comes to So by the way, we should say it. I highly recommend the Misha. Everybody recommends saying it. It's coming back to uh into our into our bentures and uh we should give a braha to our hosts. What a beautiful thing that is to do. And as the as cook says at the end here, we should always think of ourselves when we're sitting at a meal, we can think of ourselves, he says for a moment, it's okay. Think of yourself as the balabias that you're that you're the one in charge, right? That you're the boss, that you're the host, but then take a take a step back for a moment and to realize that we're all a guest, that we're all just receiving the special blessing and the special time that Hashem has given us in this world. All right. I uh wish everyone a yashikayak and I thank you for for being here and if anybody has any questions or comments before we close. Yeah, please. The version says use the cake. Yeah, use the cake. I see. Yeah. And use that. Yeah. Everywhere else it says use the cake. Yes. Yeah. And there's a difference means you shouldn't need and use the cake means it shouldn't stand out. That's right. Very good. Yeah. Yeah. I wonder if it's just like a gearsa, you know, cuz the the it's like just one letter. It's one letter different that maybe we mistake. What? That's a gears or a Yeah. Yeah. It's probably like a gear. Yeah. A typo and then both Yeah. both kind of made its way in. Yes. So my my Rosh was very mocked that we should do this. And the question came up once, if somebody said the man, can they still say the yeo? And he just said it's it's you mean once you say yeah so then you're saying you made a bra. So he said it's best not to say the to say this. So it could be that because the became so prevalent through the that's why this yes that's that's correct. No it seems that that's what happened. The question is how that happened. In other words, why did the shorter haram replace what the what the Gamarra and what the Rambam and what the says should be recited consider not reading the Gar. Yeah. But it would seem to me that if even if you said that that braha, it would seem to me that there's no problem adding this as well. We well it's interesting because you mentioned that the oral says that everybody everyone at the table men women yes like by by Roshiv it was very mock only the only should say only the one that right right they should say it out loud no that's correct so there is there are different menhagim right that's correct so the I think the brriskers the brisker the salvich family says that only the one that is leading the benching because that's what the gamarra says and we kind of like have that tradition from the gamarra the says everybody recites it that was because they understood that that was only that was recited in the time of the Gamar. One person was benching. So he was the only one that could say it. But now that everybody around the table is benching, everybody should give the braha to the to the balabayas silently or so uh very good. Silently. So it seems that the custom is to say it loudly. People will will will add a little bit extra like to raise their voice in order to because you're giving a braha to the balab. As I said before, it's it's a beautiful thing to hear to hear that braha there was not it shouldn't be it's not like a private matter. It's something that you want to and like the Ram says, you can even if you want to add, go, you know, Ramab says, go for it. Like here's the text. Add a little bit more. Add a little bit more. Give a give give your own braha at that time. Even though we tend not to do that and we're very much like, you know, tied to a text and I I think we're probably more comfortable doing that. Sardim like doing that. You know, they like add more and more like in a Misha and things. They're like very comfortable doing that. But um I think it's a beautiful minog. you can't go wrong and it seems many point out that it's that we've sort of have lost for whatever reason again I think that we have to kind of research that somebody needs to do some research how it was lost what are the different you know possibilities there but um but I think it's a beautiful braha and as I said the all the major sources all say that it should be recited just ask that question about you said that you say the other way. My son does it the other way around. Yeah. He first he says the good which that covers the and then he says you're right. Well that sounds like what the Rambam says that once you add once you say this now you can add more to it. So now you're adding the balabas. Yeah. Very nice. [Music] You me [Music] My God.