Going to College

struggling to really find what they're what they're passionate about or what they're skilled at um what are certain ways that parents can show support for their child looking for a specific skill you know this is after the parents already tried to identify certain things that indicate they're good at a skill but things are either just not working out or they're just they're at a loss for for fully finding their their profession what are some ways that parents could be more supportive or uh i guess a better parent in a way towards their child finding a profession it's actually a very uh it's a beautiful question um and i and i'd love to i'd love to answer with the with a real life answer something that i've actually just gone through myself with my daughter um my daughter from when she grew up from when she was a baby um she was a like a fashion designer kind of a kind of individual putting colors together and uh she was a year old and she was like putting tops and bottoms together with different color matching and what color schemes and stuff like that and my wife we were like yep she's a natural my wife was a makeup artist so it's the the artistry of color is there um when you when she grew up and she's growing up i knew she has more with color and more with fashion uh until i told her i said you know you're good with color why don't you go get a course and how to do people's palettes you know do their color professionally you already do it naturally go learn how to do it professionally and learn the real skill behind it and it will just take you offline on steroids and she did i encouraged her to go um both me and her mother encouraged her to go and uh she's she went she's she learned this beautiful course and she's on her path now of her passion and she's happy of where she is she found something that actually will give her what she likes and that's what i tell every parent out there look at what your kids are good at and find the course that works for them find the skill that can enhance what they're already doing so they can do it professionally but what if a parent's just not so talented to see that creative you know skill in their child what can they do to really to really help their child because obviously every parent wants to wants the best and has their children's best interests in mind what's something that they can you know if you have a little bit of an answer to that what's something they can do this comes back to something that you've mentioned before about the schools or the community so like i live in crown heights uh we have here a uh a wonderful wonderful person uh his name is sure wordy and he opened up a organization here called for young adults um you know a whole a whole like a program in essence for people to help them find their skills and their specialties and stuff like that and i do believe that every community has this now i do believe i i believe not certain but i believe that every community has it was it there when we were younger and when i was younger no uh but there was also no internet and there was also no social networking and there was no none of that which means we all grew um on our own just by watching and seeing other people and just try to find what good at on your own and we were pretty good at finding what we do um today's today's children are also extremely smart and i stated that with a certain in my generation growing up in the same age simply because the knowledge is so much greater than what we had the knowledge is unlimited if the knowledge is unlimited it means it really opens and broadens your horizon into you being able to actually even find yourself what you do and being able to broaden your own passions and your own uh skills and and i do see this i see see this all the time from all my children's classmates um i pay attention i see different talents and i see what other kids are good at you know and then i'll throw at them and i'll say did you ever think of this and this skill and they're like it's like yeah i you know i do it's you know um but definitely um if there is if there's something that could come out of this so definitely there could be more of more more guidance which means um i actually do this right now i have different younger younger adults uh you know between the ages of 19 and 25 that actually come to me and talk to me about their uh about their passions about what they do and how i can guide them a little bit into the into a better direction with my experience um and i do that i do that with pleasure and i whoever whoever comes to me i'm happy to help because i'm happy to see the desire to actually want to move forward um and i think that every single parent or any single experienced adult who watches this and is able to help guide any other young adult into the proper path should help and do that with the pleasure and with the with the kind heart that's beautiful so i'm saying i'm getting from your answer that meaning if the parent if the parent's not really sure what to do the parent should really look for you know people in their network that can help agreed or find something and talk about talk with your child if you can't figure it out then have a discussion right what do you like to do you're not gonna get not every single kid is gonna go oh i want to be a lawyer okay because those are the only four reasons why somebody needs to go to college a lawyer uh lawyer accountant even accountant doesn't need to go to school because there's account accounting school and there's from programs for that so you have a lawyer uh in medical field um and if you want to become an engineer right um you know so these are these are things that you need you you unfortunately need to go to college for but everything else for a career there's no reason for it there's absolutely no reason because nothing is guaranteed you can go to college for four years and then come out and now oh you wasted four years and now you can go to go get a job that will pay you 10 more a year and now all it's doing is paying you back for for the wasted four years which is paying you off with a little dividend over the next 10 years um i'm telling you right now it's not needed you don't need it um to get a job you can get a job what learn you go online go on youtube youtube today is the free freest university you could uh you could find you could find any skill you want you want to learn how to for any job you want go learn go learn on youtube university for uh for for a couple of days a couple of weeks and you'll know enough just to get that job and then you'll learn on experience and on the job itself if that's you on that's true i mean i do some web design and a lot of it i learned from youtube um you know a lot of color mixing like you were saying like your daughter does i also learned so to sharpen your skills and the best part is that many have the foundations it's the pros that are making the videos often um and they're turning what they what they're so passionate about into so that they can inspire others um and that's really beautiful that we have that tool um now what if a parent doesn't really have like so much of a business network to help help the children meaning if they don't know someone that's they're just not sure who to turn to what's something they can look at to try to find someone to help their child succeed oh what's an example of someone who doesn't have a kayla a teacher someone that's a teacher and and his whole life is is just because of either stress or whatever in work he's not um he doesn't have the open mindedness to really try to see who can who can help what's like um i know you mentioned that there's like different communities at different organizations that help but what is something that can i guess help a parent form a good perspective to really be open to all paths of success for a child okay um number one is you you're pushing on this question and we're coming back to it a third time already um apparently i i did not give a satisfactory answer to it no i'm i'm just curious too which is fine i let me i'm gonna try to tune in to the focus here a little bit uh i i think it's more of a it's almost a message okay if a parent is not in the network and i'm gonna say this it's almost impossible because every teacher so let's say your circle of friends is your teachers okay remember that you are teachers of 25 to 30 children every single year you've had a relationship with one of those parents at least and maybe even 20 to the class you've had a relationship with the parents where you spoke about the student and you had that and you know that out of that 20 that you spoke with you know that at least three of them are a successful businessman okay we're taking down the numbers down to the bottom here so you know throughout your children's years all you have to do is look back and say from all the parents that i taught which one of them can i go over to and ask them say can you please have a conversation with my son or my child okay it's that that it's it's so simple there are so many people around you it doesn't have to be your network it could be somebody that you simply know and in our community as we you started the whole conversation you started we are a community and as a community we help each other out it's cha it's sadaka charity uh helping one another helping one another doesn't mean by giving giving somebody a hundred dollars to go buy some food that's for the unfortunate we all have to help each other out but helping the greatest help you can do and there's nothing greater is helping somebody leave the future that is the greatest help you can do for somebody and when you when when somebody like us like a teacher or somebody who doesn't have a network will go over to somebody that he just knows he's not a network he's not a friend but he knows him and says i know that you're successful can you please take a half hour have a conversation with my child and see how you could maybe help them guide them in in in a way that can help them out with their with their life parnosa okay you know that sometimes all it takes is a 30-minute conversation that's it it takes i know it sounds crazy but it's not it's sometimes all it takes is a 30-minute i've had these conversations i've had them and within 15 minutes i was able to fine-tune this young individual into the direction he should go in wow wow that's that i really like that answer um thank you so much um okay moving on to the third question which was actually the main point uh of this interview was after all that we've said uh on how much benefit it is to uh to actually find a flourishing career what do you think are certain things that maybe we could um modify a little bit in yeshiva or little extra things we could teach in yeshiva that would help um a general professional life okay uh just like there is um you know every yeshiva has you know has a recess sports hour um i think that there should be an optional um computer class and the reason i say computer class it's a very interesting uh you know word you just throw in computers like at the end of the day without computers it's very hard to find anything you can't even learn how to succeed you can't learn how to do anything um i think the basics the basics of computers teach the basics of programming and the basics of you know spreadsheets and um you know just the basic tool toolkit for life uh just by knowing these few items um and a little bit of programming can just give clarity to the to the student to say okay which uh which direction do i want to go maybe they like computer networking maybe they like computer programming or maybe they like designing but still the center of everything is the computer right at this that's at the center of everything today i know that in the other in a lot of the from circles they counter the word computer that's like no that's like pure evil even even to them i would say there's a way to do it in a kosher way where you're still teaching skill and not internet browsing um where you're worried about the internet you can do it without internet there's a lot of tools that are there without internet you do you don't have to teach internet browsing you can just teach them programming all the skills we spoke about without having any access to the internet for sure you know later on when they've got their their life and they do it as a business fine yeah they could go on the internet so i just want to address the uh the internet because that's a controversial uh you know topic the word internet yeah i mean i understand i mean when i was a kid my so my father worked for microsoft for a bit and uh so we always were there's always computers hanging around the house and whatnot and so like from third grade um i had like a offline computer completely offline so i'm not skilled with anything regarding networks like i couldn't set up a modem or a router from for the life of me but everything else regarding computers i'm very i'm i'm flourishing at because all these skills and just tools and learning how the computer works with things yeah i was able to learn and i really never browsed internet until until like high school so you know it's interesting that you say that um i never learned computer networking i never knew this stuff and people go to school to learn networking i learned networking from one three-minute conversation that i had with somebody that i said what's an ip address and how do i assign one okay he told me how to assign it he explained me what an iep address is and that was it okay within within two days i was setting up networks okay what that's because that's the way for example my brain is wired that way which means going back to the original discussion that we had is that you yourself understand what you're good at you understand you know how your brain works you know how you're wired use it utilize what you're good at you know where you're going you know what you you know how your own brain works i don't tell you how your brain works that's great um one last little small question um aside from computers is there any like small thing that you wish you could have learned that you shifted that would have helped you professional life and by that i mean like maybe like social skills or just different different character development things that really help that you feel are very useful in the business world and professional world um that you wish would be learned or taught by you know the general from community um okay social skills really doesn't matter whether you do it well you do don't do it well people either like you they don't like you or they'll laugh and or enjoy your your awkward social uh appearance or whatever it is it's not going to change you getting the business or not getting the business it's not going to change your success level or not being that you're on social cue or whatever it is that's it i don't think that helps and if you really want it you could go buy a book on on social behavior and uh and read it and yeah that does you don't need to go to learn any of those skills um okay we went off topic here uh what can schools actually do okay i i would say if i was in school today and i wish that my religious school would do certain things that can help me in life uh one is if it's a school that does not teach english we don't you don't need to learn english you need to learn how to read and write that's it just learn how to read and write if that's possible um i know a lot of people oppose it a lot of people that's a it is a it is still a controversial topic but i wish they did i'm not talking about studies just read and write and basic math um what else um like negotiation the art of negotiation you know someone's harder negotiation you're learning tomorrow right that's all there the art of negotiation every single yeshiva student that comes out is a master negotiator by definition right i didn't have to go to school to become a master negotiator that's great that's great okay um closing all those interviews anything else that you want to bring up or you want to mention yes as a closing statement i wish to tell any viewer any young adult who's watching this that believe in the word means divine providence in simple english means that hashem looks out for you in every step you take and understand that you are not the master of your success you are simply upon in hashem success through you and what you want to dive into hashem is say hashem allow me to be the proxy of success who you today you have to work hard and you do your job hashem will do his but don't forget for one second that hashem is the one that gives you the success hashem gives you the blessing and he will as long as you remember him if you think that you're on your own then you will be forgotten as well but if you take hashem with you every single step of your of your skill of your profession or whatever you're doing and never forget hashem not even for one minute you'll see how strong your success is and you will start seeing hashem's blessing at every single aspect to know that in places where it should have been impossible for you to get and you'll say wow how did i get that no it's not how hashem thank you hashem and that's the message i'm telling you that hashem is the one who gives it to you not knew you yourself and not the guy who gave you the business and not the nice guy who gave you the contract no it's hashem who gave it to you and remember that throughout your whole life your whole working life and you'll see how much happier you'll be and how much more successful you'll be hashem keep on blessing all of you with much success much love and much